Comedy Whirled

Today we come up with standup comedy jokes about the Depp v Amber Heard.

If I was a standup comic right I'd be cranking out material over this; this is all so juicy. Come up with some jokes in the comments.  And/or this is an open discussion on the case.

I know you're all so surprised to find out that Rotwang is a hardcore MRA. 

Although with this case you don't need to be- I can't find ONE facebook comment in favor of Amber. I mean I'm on facebook like 3 hours a day not ONE.  And obviously I don't just mean my MRM groups, I mean anywhere it's discussed.  It's so far that the feminist group I'm in (yes, I'm technically a 2nd wave feminist) "Feminist News" isn't even covering it at all. It doesn't serve their narrative. 

We MRA's are like jumping up and down over this.

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Comment by JJJ23 on May 14, 2022 at 7:19pm

Well, it is about popularity as is everything having to do with celebrities. The entire idea of celebrity is based on popularity. Popularity decides this. And what the hell, in this case I'll side with Amber Heard. What did she do physically stop him from making another pirate movie? So why the hell would she pay him for that shit not getting made? I don't think there's a lot of people who hate Johnny Depp, to me he's a guy people either like of don't care about but not hate. I don't know though, why would someone hate him? Cause of this shit with Amber Heard, cause of he worked with Polanski(most people probably don't even know that), cause he wears too many scarves? I don't really see a lot for hating him. 80%-20%? You're just arbitrarily assigning percentages. Bill Cosby? He got away with what he did and continued to do for decades while Hollywood people gossiped and joked about it and he continued his career with people covering for him because it benefited them. He's not in prison now either, and their are still people who will defend him. Women who've been abused hating Amber Heard because they believe she's lying about being abused doesn't mean Amber Heard wasn't abused. It just means those women have been convinced Amber Heard wasn't abused and is lying about it. And that has everything to do with Depp's popularity. Witnesses testifying lies to help Johnny Depp because it benefits them financially or their career would also be about popularity. It could be that Amber Heard was abused by Johnny Depp and fabricated evidence to make a case against him because that's what she thought she needed to do. Obviously, she could be full of shit and he never abused her. Either way he's got the power, because he's got the money, and the automatic sway of public opinion because of who he is. I'm not going to say percentages, but most people who know this case is going on don't know the specifics they just see Johnny Depp, who they know, and Amber Heard, who is that girl that Johnny Depp was married to. I believe Amber Heard wanted to marry him to help her career and then divorce him and take some of his money. Whether he beat her or not she thought she could "take him down" with the me too movement and that wasn't happening regardless of the truth of this because it's Johnny Depp. The thing I really don't like is the sense I get of people feeling sorry for Johnny Depp. He married an actress who's 20 something years younger than him and now she's trying to fuck him over, yeah, that's not surprising. And he's Johnny Depp, his life is great. Shit was over before it started. Forget it Amber, it's Johnny Depp Town.

Comment by Rotwang on May 14, 2022 at 4:47am

@JJJ23 

Nah, if it was just popularity then you'd find some people siding with amber because even if they have never heard of her, some just hate Johnny so much they'd just want to see him suffer.  

So you'd get a distribution of like 80% for depp and 20% for amber.

But no that's not what's happening- it's entirely one sided support. Like I said in the op post "I can't find ONE facebook comment in favor of Amber. I mean I'm on facebook like 3 hours a day not ONE."  It's kind of amazing.

The recorded phone call is the killer; it's so condemning you wonder why there would even be a case at all, but besides that there's a shit ton of witness testimony/affidavits. And her testimony is a mess.... 

Well here- another indicator is the fact that even the women who've been through domestic abuse don't even side with Amber.  They hate her even more because she's a lying manipulative bitch faking it. In a way they hate her most of all! When you think about it- the people suffering most from a woman lying about abuse aren't the men, it's the women who actually DID suffer from it, right? So when some famous bitch lies it makes it harder for people to believe the women who are actually suffering and telling the truth.

It's sort of like- it "covers all the demographics".

Oh also- Bill Cosby was beloved and yet the big majority of people saw the mountain of evidence and hated him in spite of his "decades" of adoration, right. 

Comment by JJJ23 on May 12, 2022 at 11:29pm

It's a popularity contest. Johnny Depp's been making movies nearly 4 decades, he's been crazy famous for the last 3 decades. Amber Heard is a pretty face who's been in 15-20 movies and has never been the lead in anything I know of. She's a young gold digger, he's an old fool. None of this means Johnny Depp's not an asshole, people just like him more. You could take out Johnny Depp and insert into the same situation Dicaprio, Keanu Reeves, Tom Hanks, De Niro, Brad Pitt and you'd get the same result of most people siding with them no matter what. Johnny Depp is at a "beloved" level where people are just going to side with him. There's a lot of people who will defend Woody Allen to this day based on having liked him for so long. I don't like Johnny Depp, I think he's pretentious(almost all actors are) and a really overrated actor. But yeah fuck both these people.

Comment by Rotwang on May 12, 2022 at 5:00pm

If anyone doubts the hatred of amber heard, here you go.   If you don't know- on FB people post impromptu poll where you click one reaction to vote for one or another reaction to vote for the other.

This group isn't an MRM group, this is a general group.  "Adult Humor".

Comment by JJJ23 on May 11, 2022 at 6:21pm

Has everyone been following this Johnny Depp-Amber Heard bullshit? I haven't really but I'll try to do some jokes about them coming from a place of ignorance. 

Remember when Amber Heard was in Pineapple Express and she was in high school and dating Seth Rogan? That was weird and no one really talks about it but that was a great movie. I don't know, you'd think she'd have been with Franco, that guy fucks high school girls. How has Amber Heard not been in more big movies? She's a bad actress but I mean she is attractive, like just look at Olivia Munn, she's in stuff pretty regularly and she can barely put a sentence together. Wait like 3 years and this same shit will be going on with Olivia Munn and John Mulaney. I don't know what's going on with Johnny Depp and Amber Heard, I'm guessing they were beating each other up and she thought she was gonna get his money and now he's gonna get her money because she stopped the world from getting more Johnny Depp stumbling around pretending to be Keith Richards the pirate movies. Who wants more of those? I just wonder how Skeet Ulrich is taking all this. Remember him, fake ass Johnny Depp motherfucker, throw him in some pirate get up he'll do that shit for the morons who want to see it.

Anyway Johnny Depp sucks and he always has, I don't understand why people like him. Check out The Ninth Gate, it's a movie about devil worshippers trying to raise the devil or something made by notorious child rapist Roman Polanski, and Depp is sort of wandering aimlessly like he thinks he's in a comedy then he fucks some demon woman. Maybe a little bit like how his life is going. Hey Johnny Depp, you're not Buster Keaton asshole! You're a pretty boy who's nearly 60! Some good may come of this though, Amber Heard's bad press may finally kill the DC movies. You know cause no one else could play Aquaman's fish lady bride or whatever the fuck that character is. No seriously, they could get anyone else for that. How bout that blonde pornstar girl with the crazy lips from Euphoria, stick her in there, she already looks like a fish. (Rotwang knows who I'm talking about) That girl's a better actress too, but she's probably made less money from having sex. If you're Johnny Depp why the fuck would you marry anyone? He can't be surprised by this. You want a red flag? She knows Elon Musk, oh I wonder why she'd want to hang out with Elon Musk that unrelatable weirdo billionaire aspiring Bond villain? Johnny Depp should go to France and stay there just drinking wine and fucking beautiful young women and quit bothering everyone with his relationship bullshit and terrible movies. You want a new role Johnny? How about Hemingway? But still, I gotta say Amber Heard really shit the bed on her whole gold digging trap.

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