Comedy Whirled

Surprising possible new Slurpee Flavors

Splenda flavors for summer include:

Splenda in the grass,

Dingle and Rawberry,

Busted Cherry Whine,

Candygram for Mango,

Tinkle Time,

Weiner Whip,

Sugar-Free Pizza,

Nipple-Free Melons,


Lemon-zest Toffee,

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Comment by Slant on May 17, 2012 at 12:55am

Jheri Cola

Comment by Shag on May 16, 2012 at 3:08pm

Whatever The Fuck It Is And Cheap Vodka
(Nod to ya 'Puma)

Comment by Shag on May 16, 2012 at 3:06pm

Broken Cherry

Comment by Shag on May 16, 2012 at 3:04pm

Banana Straddle

Comment by Shag on May 16, 2012 at 3:02pm

FLATulent   PIE

Comment by Shag on May 16, 2012 at 2:59pm

Dingleberry Crush

Comment by Iverneil on May 16, 2012 at 11:17am

Liquid Nitrogen un flavored Slurpee, for those that are only in it for the brain freeze

Comment by mellowpuma on May 15, 2012 at 11:10pm

Lemon Pogrom

This Gas Station Hates You Orangeberry.

This Beverage Is Here For the Purpose Of Profiling Illegal Immigrants Razzataz. 

(aka Red State Sherbert)

Fratboy Hazing Ritual Blueberry. 

Comment by mellowpuma on May 15, 2012 at 10:59pm

I had two variations of slurpiees on saturday.  Don't ask me why.  I just did.  Road trip day.  geez, get off my back already.  Ok, I know they're bad for me.  geez.

dear god.  They were both awful.  I just wanted cherry flavor.  but noooo.

the first one was called "tiger's blood".  it was like 1000 parts cotton candy flavoring and one part water. good lord!  It was the liquid equivalent of the gas station rotating zombie hotdog.

the next one was raszberry (with a z) lemonade.  it was like 500 parts bubble gum flavoring and 100 parts battery acid and no parts water. Giant cup of liquid headache anyone?

The only rational for these flavors is that they must be used for a poor man's margarita mix with crap vodka, to cover the crap vodka taste with even more horrible flavors.

No part of this story is untrue.  those were the real names, and this has been my testimony. 

Comment by Frodoh on May 15, 2012 at 10:52pm

For a visceral flavor that 'tingles-all-over' choose Slurpees Zoster™, but to 'tingle-all-under' go with Slurpees Simplex™!

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