Already got a few “VD” greetings last month.
Got a ticket for speed dating on The Bachelor.
I mean watching The Bachelor.
Did a “Belly Flop” in the car pool.
Friends don’t let friends Skype drunk.
Didn’t give any put out.
Join Comedy Whirled
the bomb shelter prevents extra familiar dating.
instead of arms, i have TWO SICK SNAKES!!!!
judge judy won't return my affections.
if i take off the spikes, i lose street cred, and trust me girls don't like the spikes. not one bit.
my competitive eating training regimen does not allow for love, or pants, or leaving the toilet.
i'm married to the sea! yarrrrrrrggghhhh!
i'm a fighter, not a lover. "fighting" is the one where you masturbate and cry, right?
i'm not going to settle down till i find bigfoot.
What are "Valentines"?
I promised her I'd never give her HIV again.
Because they know I'll stalk them if they do.
CHAMPAGNE FOR MY REAL FRIENDS AND REAL PAIN FOR MY SHAM FRIENDS
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