Comedy Whirled

I Am Ready To Have Sex With Shakira

In my last blog, I asked for tips how to seduce Shakira.

I have updates!  But I am still a virgin. :(

This is the woman I love, her name is Shakira.  My friend works in her building.  He used to let me in so I could try to talk to her, but now he calls the police.

 

I have done things to try to reach Shakiras heart.  I sent her this,

 

 

 

because it is a funny teddy bear who is tough like me.  And it has a rainbow which is very much for a girl.

 

I also sent her 1 of these,

a big cookie I made myself.  I also sent her this,

 

a gift basket of meat, and the next day I sent this

 

 a gift basket of cheese.

 

I have also sent balloons and flowers.  Sometimes I worry she will not marry me.  I have a backup plan, doh, LOL!

 

Her name is Ke$ha, but I would have to be really desperate to fap that!!  HAHA!!  Do you know the word Fap?  I just learned it and it is so funny I can't stop laughing!!  I just keep thinking fapfapfapfapfap!!

 

In other news, I am still working out to keep my muscles strong. I am using this now,

 

which was expensive, but a man has to do what a man has to do.  Can I get a what-what!  HAHA, lame joke.

 

I am trying to look like this man

 

becuase girls really like him.  His skin is very light though.  Also, for my birthday, I almost got a tattoo

 

 of a she-wolf (like Shakira's song).  This is not it tho.  I'm giving you advice, do not get a tattoo!  It hurt SO BAD.  When he started with the needle thing, I am telling you, it was not for the faint of heart!  I made that dude stop, so now I have just a dot on my chest.

 

In more news, I have had to sell some of my things because I don't have very much money anymore.  Girls are expensive, I'm serious.  So here is my apartment now

I'll never give up my papasan chair though.  The bottom is torn up because my cat

 

who looks like this, keeps scratching on it.  Also, I am about to adopt a rescue dog!

 

 Other dogs came with more instructions, but my new dog, Shakoochie (like Shakira and sex together in a dog) was like the were just ready to give her away.  I think Shakira will really like her.

 

I think that is it for now.  Oh, Look at this picture!

 

That girl is drunk, and she is peeing!  Some of you suggested I get Shakira drunk before I make my move, and after seeing this I think you are right.

 

Thank you for your advice, and if you have anymore advice, I need all the help I can get!  LOL!

Have a blessed day,

Jesus

PS Fap Fap FAp!  HAHA!  Is so funny!

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Comment by Ryan on March 27, 2011 at 10:54pm
Shakira kind of sounds like she's deaf when she sings, so maybe you could try signing something to her. That might impress her.
Comment by Rebellious By Nature on March 17, 2011 at 12:09pm
this is art... sheer art, no doubt you were meant to have shakira and the drunk girl
Comment by Donairs on March 17, 2011 at 11:25am
When you finally have sex with Shakira, thank the baskets of ham and cheese. You're a shoe in!
Comment by Buttermilk on March 17, 2011 at 5:51am
Learn to speak Spanish. Knock off her current partner. Practice with "Shakers for Men" (fap, fap,)
Comment by Ian on March 16, 2011 at 6:43pm
Glad you're getting acquainted with the FORTRAN Assembly Program!   (fap fap fap fap... bong hit... fap fap fap)

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