Already got a few “VD” greetings last month.
Got a ticket for speed dating on The Bachelor.
I mean watching The Bachelor.
Did a “Belly Flop” in the car pool.
Friends don’t let friends Skype drunk.
give any put out.
Eyes Chess Goeszeer.
Forward Pass Gas.
Battime dePeetza gotteer.
Airsa Gottam Remote?
Ayydats Natchocheez HAHAHAHAHAHAhahahahahahadam.
F'ur gunnapuke goout.
Need Smore Dreetos.
Can't bleefwe losss. Better call Saul, er Uber, er smshit like at.
Added by KariGrant on February 7, 2016 at 10:30am — No Comments
Sequelmania continues in Tinseltown with Groundhog Day meets Starwars in Starwars VIII, “Awaken, hit the snooze. Awaken, hit the snooze. Awaken, hit the snooze…”
Everyone’s got Star Wars fever, since the long awaited movie’s coming out. Even TV and Cable has gotten Star Wars fever. I saw where Jeff Foxworthy has a new game show out called, “Are you smarter than a Darth Vader.”
The Porn version of Ridealong is out now, called “Ride a Long Hard One.”
Beverly Hills Cop 4,…Continue
Channeled poem from beyond the grave:
"I do not like it in this box.
I do not like it, without locks.
I do not like the big backhoe.
I do not like him. Make him go."
Things he was writing when he died...not sure which was the last thing he penned...
"My hearing went when I went to hear The Who."
"I have something stuck in my Lorax."
"One fish, two fish. Red fish, blue lips."
French Fries, French Bread, French Onion Soup, Croutons.
Put in a French Drain
Install French Doors
Use French Ticklers,
Can-Can through the office,
Drive a Citroën
Get a French Manicure
House of Kurds, House of Curds, House of Cads, House of Cruds, International House of Pan Cards, House of Hallmark Cards, House of Cards with Flowers in the Attic, Last House of Cards on the Left, Hill House of Cards, How’s My Driving?
Sphynxters (old school),
St. Fatty’s Day, The Eyes of March, March Hair Loss Day, Clams on the Half-Assed Drunk Day, Crochet your Crotch Day, Peanut Butter Liver Day, Seuss Sweeps Week, Borderline Personalitied Collies Day, Nuzzle with a Buzzard Day, Quilted Noreastern A Comin In Day, I Have A Hairy Hoohadini Day,
"D.C. Sniper" “Jail Birdman” “Juvies in the Hood" "The Grand Larceny Hotel" "The Incarceration Game" “Into the Paddy Wagon” “Tell It To The Judge” “Perpcatcher” “Fifty Shades of Whiplashes” “InterCell” "Mr. Taser"
Oscar Rejects for 2015:
Long awaited sequel to OUTBREAK starring Jodie Foster and Oprah: SELMANELLA.
Sandusky tell-all: THE INITIATION GAME.
GRANDADDY LONGLEGS PEST HOTEL.
THE THEORY OF WHIPLASH.
Reese Witherspoon and Rosamund Pike in GONE GIRLS GONE WILD.
Long awaited sequel to Weekend At Bernies II: TWO DAYS, ONE NIGHT AT BERNIES.
Bill Cozby in HERE COME THE JUDGE.
Harem Book Fair,
Baltic-Timor Book Festival and Throat Singers Conference,
Fall Over a Used Book Fair,
National Festivus Book Grievance Campaign Washington, DC,
New York Is Country Book and Boot Festival,
Southern Festival of Butter Books,
Nutella Festival of Reading While You Eat,
Texas Book ‘em at the Border Sale,
Sarasota Horse & Reading Festival,
Miami Book and Jewlarry Fair,
Rear ending parked cars.
Virgin Sacrifices to Virgin Airlines (unauthorized).
Tag Team Naugahyde Fabric Repair.
Consumer Credit Mockers.
Group Women’s Bench Press, starting with five on the Supreme Court Bench.
Executive Dinner Decisions.
They were trying to kill ants with a magnifying glass.
Too many damn Foreigners.
Somebody rubbed two Styx together.
They was a'smokin' in bed.
Two words: Hot Licks.
Too many pocket rockets.
Both bands were "lit."
Their bifocals ignited the crossword puzzle book.
Hot chicks on board.
They were Hot Blooded.
Illegal Immigrant Chaser, Shrinking Ukraine, Auntie Em-80s, Pinworm Wheels, Pocket Rocket, GM Airbag o’sparkles, Whistling Dictator, Tampon Trailers, Ambulance Chasers, Syrian Lysteria, Sterling Shower of Insults,
Rocky Road Ice Cream,
Road Construction Signs,
Clay Aiken CDs,
Dusty Springfield Posters,
Toxic Avenger DVDs,
Souvenir Vials of Toxic Contaminated Soil,
2 Ring Worms,
Lime Disease, Olivarian Cancer, Hemeraldoids, Kelly Stones, Springing in the ear, Forestperatory Infection, Chartreuse Fatigue Syndrome, Trichomomoss, Viridicella, Hooker’s STDs, O’Besity,
300: Rise of a Gruyere,
Mr. Briebody and Parmesan,
The Lasiago Movie,
Son of Gouda,
The Grand Bel Paese Hotel,
Philomena Cream Cheese,
Blue Cheese Jasmine,
August: Asiago County,
Study finds Alzheimer's more deadly than first. I think I have a hair appointment Tuesday. I better check the paper. Says Study finds ALzheimers. That's good. I have to get a permanent. Let me see that calendar. What's a four letter word for sex party? Where are my tweezers? Somebody said a Mr. Al Zimer died. Did I know him? How am I gonna' get to the beauty shop. I already got my perm? Are you my husband? Can I see that paper? I need to get my hair done.