So per usual, my life is a joke and I just end up participating in the weirdest conversations because my face does seem to have that, “Why yes, I would love to actively participate in a conversation about shaving preferences for both man and lady junk at a playground on the upper east side” look to it.
Basically, a couple of days ago, I was on a play date with four other moms, one of which I nanny for, and somehow by some unknown power we had no control over we got onto the topic of…Continue
Giant, sugar-crazed cockroaches.
Giant, sugar-crazed rats.
Giant, sugar-crazed mobsters.
Giant, sugar-crazed housewives of Jersey Shores shopping.
Giant, sugar-crazed nudists.
Giant, sugar-crazed Methodists.
Giant, sugar-crazed Jews for Jesus.
Giant, sugar-crazed Vegans.
Giant, sugar-crazed toddlers.
Giant, sugar-crazed Yankees.
Plastic Army men,
Payments to the court,
Transportation to Mars,
Those Were Different Times #175: The Hypnobration!
Introducing: "INTRODUCING AN EXHILARATING TECHNIQUE STOP smoking by COLE"
and the Un-Freaking Believeable You Magnificent Bastard" award goes to:
3. Through hypnosis he's cured a lot of people of their smoking…
A golf ball,
Flowers make you open a run-down hotel in India.
Plants cause your alcoholic mother to show up at the science fair.
They take over your okra bed.
Spent blossoms turns earthworms orange.
They develop killer gams.
Turns Man-in-the-moon gay.
When worn around the neck, blossoms cause old people to move into the rundown hotel.
Pollin turns aspirin into Viagra.
Makes butlers expose money laundering records.
You wheeze more.
Having been saddled with a…
Edwin H Land,
Island of Dr. Moreau
Valley of the Dolls
LaBrea Ishtar Pits
The Mayo Clinique counter
The Forbidden Titties City
The Moulin Rude
The Chaz Mahal
Palm Sunday Islands
Great Wall of Fiestaware
They have better cardboard.
They use strong strapping Tape.
Tight fitting lids.
Tropical climate is good for the Styrofoam peanut plantations.
Bountiful Bubble Wrap.
Tissue Paper made from old revolution handbills.
Employees are allowed to work in Boxer shorts.
Easy to read labels.
No weight limit makes it easy to ship your loved ones.
What’s going on in LA…eh?
Okay, here is a hockey joke you may not have heard…Does anybody know the difference between frequent flyer miles and the Los Angeles Kings? Answer: Frequent flyer miles earn points. But something ice cool has happened. If you are not a hockey fan…Continue
Thursday, May 23, 2012 5:42 a.m. EST
Why men and women seeking partners for the relationship? I'm talking about single men and women who desire a residence that is not marriage. Relationship is best placed in a marital coalition, but to keep away from total dependence, defeat and legal harassment men and women prefer to have a life in relationship rather than being merged into the marital ties.
This trend is increasing day by day and almost all countries, including Australia. I myself have encountered many…Continue
Sometimes you can make bouquets out of other things, like...
Flowerettes made of Viagra,
Bucket o’ Buds,
Kayaking of the Dead,
BREAKING NEWS (source in small part: http://www.jpl.nasa.gov/news/news.cfm?release=2012-138)
(NASA announced a recent survey has counted approximately 4,700+/-1500 Potentially Hazardous Asteroids hurling at or near the Earth. “The new results come from the asteroid-hunting portion of the WISE mission, called NEOWISE. The project sampled 107 PHAs to make predictions about the entire population as a…Continue
I can’t in good conscience recommend these:
Starches and other Carbs,
Turds and/or Gummy Bears,
Splenda flavors for summer include:
Splenda in the grass,
Dingle and Rawberry,
Busted Cherry Whine,
Candygram for Mango,
Those Were Different Times #174: The Drunken Consultationabration!
Introducing: "John Bult - Julie's Sixteenth Birthday"
And the "Budic Koan Which Reduces The Universe Into The Immutable Feeling Of a Metal Ball Accruing In The Belly" award goes to:
You see Julie, the body is merely a vessel, oneness of the mind, such as we have is what counts...dont you…
The Pilgrims were not very good carpenters.
Too many Witches; not enough Hazel.
Many of the Pilgrims caught the Colony Clap.
John Wayne was born too late to tell them, even though he wanted to.
There were thirteen colonies. Thirteen is an unlucky number. Perhaps if they had stopped at twelve…
Really? It’s about bees?? Sorry. My bad.
You can only take so many orders from a Queen.
Two possibilities: Killer Bees and Killer Tomatoes.