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99% of people who lose their train of thought
One word movie critiques:
The Farmer “Outstanding!”
The Hypnotist “Mesmerizing!”
The Welder “Riveting!”
The Pencil “Sharp!”
Quintuple Solar Systems “Five Stars!”
Does one go ON an elevator or IN an elevator? Or ONTO, or INTO? Sometimes English ain't ez.
On dropping food: There is no ten-second rule at the veterinarian.
OKAY I'LL BUY THE @#$% EARWAX REMOVAL THING NOW STOP THE ADS!
Dear Zuckerberg, Gates, Apple, Google, Amazon, Mother Theresa, whoever: PLEASE, no more earwax removal ads!
Please, no more earwax removal ads in my feed. For the love of sweet Mother Mary Queen of Scotland STOP!
Hey Mac. Those 110,000 were very weak. I like people who don't get sick.
If cleanliness is next to godliness, is filthiness next to dogliness?
110,000 American corpses, or as Trump would call them, a bunch of STONE COLD LOSERS.
Wildflowers grow like hotcakes.
Can we all start referring to Gisele as Gisele "El Chupacabra" Bundchen?
I bet when sea turtles have kinky sex the safe phrase is, "plastic bag."
In San Diego, you can't use golf carts on the golf course. So, I am wondering: how will I get my exercise now?
It's been a while since I got laid, I was in a narrow store aisle and I did that thing with this young woman where I was trying to step out her way, she tries to step out of my way, I end up walking right into her and I almost had a #metoo movement.
The cult of Trump: First you drink the Kool-aid, then you drink the Lysol.
Has Yoda ever said, "Yadda-yadda-yadda?" Has anyone ever said, in Pig Latin, "ixNay ixoNay."
If you go to shake someone's hand and they go for a fist bump, then you change to fist bump as they're changing to handshake, I think the proper response is to then do the scissors hand motion.
Mr. Oblivious: "Tiger Woods, more like tiger jungle, right? Tiger's are from the jungle, y'all see that Tiger King? Tiger's are in India too they say. India, it's more like NativeAmericaia, you know. Indiana is also a place."
"Put some Windex on it." -My Big Fat Greek Wedding 2002
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