Having now read your excellent blogs, here are some random, unrelated thoughts, in no particular order.
01.) I snickered out loud when I read “... hire a midget with a Easy Cheez spray can glued permanently to their left hand ... .”: I’d previously mentioned my unrequited love for my own genitals. (Did you get my ‘friend’ request? No biggie. I didn’t know where to send flowers. Ha-ha!)
02.) I’ve noticed your many mentions of mayo. Are you one of those hoity-toity types who thinks Miracle Whip® is disgusting and exclusively for hillbillies, or do you go both ways? I can appreciate either, in context. Neither is appropriate for all occasions. They made garlicMW® for a while, in a coffinful of which I could easily be buried, but I can’t find it anymore. (continued ... .)
03.) Re.: “is it really such a bad thing?” Your views are dead on. Men who express them are labelled ‘children’. I’m just smart enough to know that women will tire of me, and then I’m fucked. Love is great. Relationships are great. When they end isn’t. Especially if you’re the sad sap who’s never doing the ending.
04.) I was raised a half-assed Catholic, myself. Mom was relatively hardcore. Her mom was, at least. My being ‘handicapped’, I never had to go to parochial school, and, having been raised in a houseful of angry sarcastics, I’d pretty much decided it was all horseshit by the time I was around 8. Break over 100 bones before you’re 13, and you, too may come to think of prayer, for instance, as ludicrous. Also, we learn too late in life that, if prayer works, it only works for other people. Even if a conscious Godwas listening, It wouldn’t give a shit if you win the big game or want a car.
05.) Never fear or apologize for farts. Farts rule. Farts are The Window To The Soul. Garlic farts are better than orgasms. One of the best days of my life was when I found ‘extreme flatulence’ on a list of symptoms of my particular dwarfing bone-disease. What a relief that I wasn’t, in fact, just a fucking pig. Bore ya’ later. xo♥.
Black people scare me. Let’s fuck. (Tee-hee!) Your blog is hilarious. You’re obviously both zany and spunky, but I vow to never capitalize either, nor shall they ever preface your name as I address you. We’re better than that. I’m old as hell and could probably challenge you on the SNL® shit, but, frankly, I’m too tired. xo♥. (Stop by and say ‘hi’ sometime. I’m not nearly the pig I appear.)
Now we are friends. FOREVER! (wow, that wasn't supposed to sound scary) ( I'll admit it, using all caps was a bad idea) (now I feel bad) (wow, that sounds pretty passive agressive codependent) ((Aaaaaggggh!)) ((Can I Do Nothing Right In This Place!!))