Comedy Whirled

...........you might live in the hood.

Ok rednecks, we've been put through the mill thanks to Jeff Foxworthy, but I offer a new set of "you might be a"'s. Something G Rated Foxworthy  won't explore. I've lived in and close to the hood, so I'm qualified and exempt from the backlash and racial insensitivity, plus I'm Irish. They're just jokes people.

While reading, please use Jeff Foxworthy's voice and the appropriate comedic pauses between the joke and ".....you might live in the hood". Thank you.

 

 

If you are 30 and considered a "survivor"..........you might live in the hood.

 

If you consider "purple drink" one of the food groups...........you might live in the hood.

 

When your Section 8 apartment comes equipped with a pit bull.........you might live in the hood.

 

If you like bass more than guitar.........you might live in the hood.

 

If you are afraid of crazy white people.....................youuuuuu might live in the hood.

 

If you pay 25% interest on a car loan.....you might live in the hood.

 

If you know the repo man by name..........you might live in the hood.

 

If you hang around your cousin......you might live in the hood.

 

If you consider prison graduate school..................youuuuuuu might live in the hood.

 

If your hats still have the stickers on them.....you might live in the hood.

 

If you offer your Air Jordans as collateral........you might live in the hood.

 

When BOLO means "Be on the lookout" and not a tie........you might live in the hood.

 

If an ambulance is your taxi service......................you might live in the hood.

 

If your Facebook info lists your employment as "informant"........you might live in the hood.

 

If everyone in your family has a t-shirt with a murdered family member on it...you might live in the hood.

 

If you can't afford a car but you have a smart phone.............you might live in the hood.

 

If you are at the crime scene before the detectives..........yooouuuu might live in the hood.

 

If your babies are in nothing but diapers for five years.............you might live in the hood.

 

If you have a working TV on top of a nonworking TV............you might live in the hood.

(I think this was a Foxboinger joke, but it crosses over)

 

If your Burger King has a security guard........you might live in the hood.

 

If a club opens and closes within three days...................you might live in the hood.

 

If you do your grocery shopping once a month.....you might live in the hood.

 

If your nickname is Pooky...............................................................................you might live in the hood.

 

If the neighborhood bar closes at 11:00 PM...................you might live in the hood.

 

At a family reunion, you have to Skype from the prison..........you might live in the hood.

 

There is more Cashlands than Subways.............................you might live in the hood.

 

The mall is closed except for the nail place................you might live in the hood.

 

A family reunion erupts in gunfire.......................you might live in the hood.

 

If you have to pay for gas through a bullet proof window.........you might live in the hood.

 

If your Uncle steals copper for a living.................youuuuuuuuuuuuu might live in the hood.

 

If you have more money in your mouth than in a checking account......you might live in the hood.

 

If you don't know what a checking account is...........you might live in the hood.

 

If you were about to turn your life around right before murdering someone....you might live in the hood.

 

If you were featured on "The First 48".....................you might live in the hood.

 

If you have a lawyer at 16 years old......youuuu might live in the hood.

 

If Crimestoppers is on your speed dial.......you might live in the hood.

 

If you live on Martin Luther King Blvd............................you might live in the hood.

 

If the only Christmas lights come from a squad car...........youuu might...

 

If the phrase "Bullet for my Valentine" is literal...........you might live in the hood.

 

If your swimming pool is a fire hydrant..........you might live in the hood.

 

If you customarily ask "You working?" when you run into old friends.......you might live in the hood. - Iverneil

 

If there are shoes dangling over every other intersection........you might live in the da hood. - Ian Renga

 

If you know at least 3 people named "Pookie".........you might live in the hood. - Iverneil

 

If you go Christmas shopping at the pawn shop.....you might live in the hood. - jjj23

 

If you've ever went all in with ten food stamps and a diaper.....you might live in the hood. - jjj23

 

 

 

Views: 2069

Comment

Got a funny caption? Join Comedy Whirled!

Join Comedy Whirled

Comment by jimbobalouie on October 20, 2012 at 5:22am

If you know that a fire extinguisher won't snuff a meth fire . . .

Comment by matthew charles mccosh lutes on April 5, 2012 at 7:44am

if you always know 3 people in jail...

Comment by matthew charles mccosh lutes on April 5, 2012 at 7:43am

if you have bars on every window in your house...

Comment by matthew charles mccosh lutes on April 5, 2012 at 7:42am

if your wardrobe consists of nothing but jerseys and oversized denim...

Comment by matthew charles mccosh lutes on April 5, 2012 at 7:41am

if you pronounce words ending in er with an a(sucker-sucka, motherfucker/mothafucka,)...

Comment by matthew charles mccosh lutes on April 5, 2012 at 7:40am

if you you can whistle with two fingers before you can spell...

Comment by matthew charles mccosh lutes on April 5, 2012 at 7:39am

if you have a sister, cousin, aunt and girlfriend named Lateesha...

Comment by matthew charles mccosh lutes on April 5, 2012 at 7:38am

if you can hotwire a new car faster than you can start your own...

Comment by bigjas on November 26, 2011 at 5:37am

when you have a better chance of living past 30 because you know the appeal procedures on death row than staying in your street - you might live in the hood

Comment by bigjas on November 26, 2011 at 5:34am

if your Tv remote is a pointy stick ... you might live in the hood

© 2019   Whirled Wide Network   Powered by Windmills

Badgers  |  Complain Complain Complain  |  Terms of Service