Hey there sports fans are you ready for some football? I know I am. It is usually this time of year that I start getting that itch (no…not the itch that needs a monthly shot), the football itch. Many of you groupies obviously watch Fox Sports, CBS, NBC, NFL Network, or NFL Sunday Ticket. But if you can stomach ESPN NFL Sunday Countdown long enough and the steaming pile of pregame egos they have, then you know Chris Berman. Yeah, he’s the balding fat guy who incorrectly predicts a few games each week and then talks about how someone could go all the way.
If you followed the NFL draft, you probably had a vested interest in the players your favorite team drafted. Hoping that some of the draft choices your team made will be household names the likes of, DeSean Jackson, Peyton Manning, or Nmandi Asomugha. But there are going to be some players that you recognize by their Chris Berman nickname.
For example: Jeff “Philadelphia” Feagles or Jake “Daylight come and I want to” Delhomme. I thought it would be interesting to take a 2011 draftee from each NFL team and play around with their names to see if they might become the household name via a clever nickname.
I did it by each conference and division to make it easier to find YOUR team…so here goes:
Dallas Cowboys DeMarco “POLO” Murray
Washington Redskins Roy “I DON’T KNOW WHY YOU SAY GOODBYE, I SAY” Helu
Philadelphia Eagles Stanley “POP” Havili
NY Giants Jerrel “THIS MEETING IS A” Jernigan
Green Bay Packers Randall “CORN ON THE” Cobb
Chicago Bears Chris “PICK” Conte (ironically he is a DB)
Minnesota Vikings Christian “QUARTER” Ponder
Detroit Lions Nick Fairley “FAIRLEY, FAIRLEY, FAIRLEY, LIFE IS BUT A DREAM”
New Orleans Saints Greg “WHEN IN” Romeus
Atlanta Falcons “ME AND” Julio Jones “DOWN BY THE SCHOOL YARD”
Tampa Bay Buccaneers Luke “I AM YOUR” Stocker
Carolina Panthers Cam “BIG FIGURES” Newton
Seattle Seahawks James “IF I WERE A” Carpenter
St. Louis Rams Sam “HE’S STARING RIGHT” Acho
San Francisco 49ERs Kendall “BIG GAME” Hunter
Arizona Cardinals Jermale “57 Varieties” Hines
Miami Dolphins Frank “N STEINS” Kearse
Buffalo Bills Kelvin “CYBIL” Sheppard
New England Patriots Steven Ridley “BELIEVE IT OR NOT”
New York Jets Jeremy “LARRY, MOE, AND” Kerley
Pittsburgh Steelers Chris “CLARENCE CARTER, CLARENCE CARTER, CLARENCE CARTER OH SHIT, CLARENCE" Carter
Baltimore Ravens Tyrod “ON FOR SIZE” Taylor
Cleveland Browns Owen “THE SAINTS COME” Marecic “IN”
Cincinnati Bengals Donte “I DON’T KNOW” Moch “BUT I KNOW I LOVE YOU”
Indianapolis Colts Drake “NEVER SAY” Nevis
Tennessee Titans Akeem Ayers “TO THE THRONE”
Houston Texans JJ “SAY” Watt
Jacksonville Jaguars Blaine “YO GABBA” Gabbert
Denver Broncos “I’VE BEEN LIVIN’ IN A” Von “DOWN BY THE” Miller
San Diego Chargers Marcus “JESUS H” Gilchrist
Kansas City Chiefs Justin Houston “WE HAVE A PROBLEM”
Oakland Raiders Steve “I GOTTA TAKE A” Wisniewski
So there you have it. Very corny yes, but I did save Berman the trouble of having to think up these lame nicknames.
Since we are on the subject of football; if you are interested in playing Fantasy Football and have not signed up for a league yet, look no further than Comedy Whirled to play. Just contact Slant as he hosts Slantasy Football each year. He will send you all the details on how to join. It is free and more importantly it is fun.