Comedy Whirled

Hey!  As an adult reflecting back on my childhood, I realized that I was made to say some pretty weird shit growing up.  Well, first of all shit wasn't shit it was poop.  While that in itself is not weird, taken as a whole, well,  you decide.  We were to say "Tootie" insted of penis, cock, dick, purple headed pootie bopper, etc.  We could not call flatulence a fart, and nay we were not saying poot even.  We had to say "squeak".   "Mother, a bit of pee came out my tootie when I squeaked."  Not that I ever said that, I just wanted to provide an example in context.   I remember watching an episode of Facts of Life when I was young and I also remember being very confused that a girl on the show was named Tootie.  On a side note, remember Garbage Pail Kids?  Yeah, I wasn't allowed to have those, but my friends were!  I remember at baseball practice studying the cards as long as I could before my parents picked me up.  I remember thinking "What other cool shit like this am I missing?!?!!?".The answer came in perhaps the saddest part of this so called blog, I was not allowed to watch The Simpsons.  I pause a moment for the grief stricken reader to fully take in the former statement.....And, I'm back.  All-in-all, I really had a pretty good childhood.  Thanks for reading about all the weird shit I had to say.  Oh yeah, boobs where to be called "bumps".  And they were "bumps" to me waaaaaaaaaaay before the Black Eyed Peas song.  Maybe my parents were just uber-crunk before their time.

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Comment by Deezer D on January 27, 2011 at 6:02pm
hahahahaa. Nice Mac.  Thanks for that!
Comment by MacSpruce on January 26, 2011 at 12:07pm
Reminds me of a very funny scene in Mel Brooks' film, High Anxiety. Brooks' character, Dr. Richard H. Thorndyke, the new administrator of The Psycho-Neurotic Institute for the Very, Very Nervous is the principal speaker at a meeting of the American Psychiatric Convention. He is addressing an audience of psychiatrists when a late arrival shows up with his two young children -- a boy and a girl. Conscious of the children's presence, the high-level medical professionals revert to using childish euphemisms. 
DR. COLBURN: Dr. Thorndyke, you mentioned in your address that penis envy should be deemed an antiquated psychiatric concept. Could you expand on that?
THORNDYKE: Of course. Let's remember that the term "penis envy" was created in a predominantly male atmosphere …
MAN: Excuse me. Sorry I'm late. Forgive me for bringing the kids. I couldn't get a sitter.
THORNDYKE: Please, have a seat. … As I was saying, in a world of predominantly male-oriented psychology, it was only natural to arrive at the term, pee … [hesitates, looking at the children] … pee… [hesitates again] … Peepee envy. "
COLBURN: Are you saying there's absolutely no validity to … peepee envy?
THORNDYKE: It has no more validity than if a man envied a woman's … balloons.
[Another Doctor asks a question]: Dr. Thorndyke, do you feel that the trauma of toilet training has a bearing on the sexual future of the adolescent?
THORNDYKE: Toilet training. That's a vast area. Let's be more specific. Are we talking about … number one or cocky-doody?
[OTHER DOCTOR]: For argument's sake, let's say cocky-doody.
THORNDYKE: I'd say professionally, cocky-doody has very little to do with the future sexual development of the adolescent.
- Thank you. 
- You're welcome.
THORNDYKE: Let me backtrack for a second. The female erogenous zone.
- You mean the balloons?
- No. Lower, much lower. Where the babies come out. The woowoo.
- The woowoo?
THORNDYKE: Yes. The woowoo. Perhaps the most significant psychological feminine component known to mankind.
[Cheers and whistles]
Comment by Lloyd Christmas on January 26, 2011 at 11:04am

Nice post!  Why am I sniggering like Beavis & Butthead?  Sorry, you may not have been allowed to watch that either.  I can’t say that I was disallowed from typical words like fart, boobs or wankle-rotary engine.  Just kidding on that last one, I totally stole that from Python.  I’ll leave you with wisdom from one of my high-school coaches.  “Most other nights you can do what you like, but not on the night before the Game.  You need to be in bed early, not out there tryin to get some honey on your stinger.”

Comment by Deezer D on January 26, 2011 at 1:34am
hahahaaa  wingie, tootie fruity, and toodaloos.......awesome. i too am confused as of why we have reduced the act of urination and poopsies to numbers.  

toodaloo, haaahahaa


Comment by mellowpuma on January 25, 2011 at 10:29pm
My dad was a sailor, I learned new words every time he got really mad.  So I didn't have to do any of that stuff.  Hey does anyone remember calling it "going #1" or "going #2"?  How natural is it that poop is #2? Why does that make sense?
Comment by Shag on January 25, 2011 at 4:17pm
My brothers and I were confused growing up. My mother used to make words up instead of cussing. Instead of calling it a pecker, my Mom used to call it a "Wingie". I still don't know where she got it from, but she still uses it to this day. My Dad was different, he called it a "One Eared Elephant".
Comment by jessicaligula on January 25, 2011 at 11:50am

I enjoyed this!  We called penises toodaloos.   Other than that it was the standard poo-poo, tee-tee type euphamisms. 

I had a shoe box full of Garbage Pail Kids cards that my mom threw out without my knowledge.  I'm still pissed about that. 

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