I haven't been around much lately, or have you noticed? Hello? Hell-oooo! Is there anybody out there?!
You see, when I was a young pup, I had dreams of being a writer. I should have at least 4 or 5 brilliant novels under my belt by now. In that alternate reality, the one where I actually had the chutzpah and ambition to turn my dreams into reality, I would be sitting in my office at some university right about now. I just gave another brilliant lecture on the creative writing process, and am gazing out the window, waiting on my next class. Sitting on my lap is some doting young coed, who hangs on every brilliant word that comes out of my mouth. She is dutifully filling my pipe, while I nonchalantly fondle her pert, young...(excuse me, I'll be right back).
But in this particular reality, I am actually sitting in my office in a musty old warehouse. There is no pipe, no young coed, not even a fucking window. Nothing about my job matters one iota. The fact that I'm 45 years old, and haven't accomplished a single goddamn worthwhile thing in my life has really got me down.
In that alternate dimension, I will be dead in five years. A massive heart attack in mid-coitus, with no less than four (count them, FOUR!) nubile young women. You see, we just got back from the top of Mt. Everest, and decide to celebrate making the summit by making the beast with five backs in our tent at base camp. After my demise, they will tearfully haul my body back up to the top of the mountain, and my well-preserved corpse will lie forever in my mountain aerie.
So I'm just a tad depressed. But who do I turn to for comfort? Do I seek sustenance in a higher power? Not going to happen. I still curse the day I decided to do away with my faith. Worst mistake I ever made. But, can't go back now.
A shrink, perhaps? Tried that some years ago for another issue I was trying to deal with. First thing she wants to do is get me on anti-depressants and anti-anxiety meds. Thanks, but no thanks.
So, I suppose writing this blog is sort of my lame first attempt at self-therapy. That, and cracking open a bottle of bourbon. Cheers.