Comedy Whirled

Those Were Different Times #98

Introducing: SPONTANEOUS, IN-THE-CAB RECORDINGS OF THE NEW YORK TAXI DRIVER AS RECORDED BY TONY SCHWARTZ

Results:


8. Columbia Records censored the original track names:
F*ING WHORES
F*ING PIGS
F*ING CRAPHOLE
F*ING PORN
F*ING IDIOTS
F*ING UNDERPAID, UNDERRESPECTED, ALCOHOL ADDICT ON MY 4TH MARRIAGE
-LeatherShorts

7. Featuring the hits:
"5th Avenue?...I'll have to charge you extra"
"the meters running"
"that smell, it's Pine Tree..."
"Let's take the scenic route"
and
"Sorry, I just had Indian food"
-Jams3kids

6. Featuring the #1 spontaneous hits:
"Get the frick outta my frickin way you frickin moron before I get outta this frickin cab and bash your frickin skull in"!!!!
" You need a whore? I know where the best whores are, just say da woid"
And everyones all time favorite: " If your plannin on blowin that guy in here honey you bedda swallow cause I don't want no frickin spooj on my frickin upholstery!"
-MadAdam

5.5. ...because nothing says "repeat listening" like a 4 a.m. cab ride to the airport wherein your Russian cab driver discloses that his idea of discussing "politics" is to declare that Afghanistan should be nuked.

5. Also More About:
-Poker
-Pastrami
-How To Raise Your Kids
-Bowel Movements
-Racial Relations
-U.S. Foreign Policy
-The Best Steak I Ever Had
-That Movie With That Guy In It
-People Who Got Killed Right Over There
-Anything & Everything That "The Kids" Are Into Is Complete Bullshit
-...and many, many derogatory, intolerant, quietly hateful innuendis that end in, "...If You Know What I Mean".
-antistar


4. Rolling Stone called it: The perfect album for the holidays, if you plan to commit suicide and need that extra push over the edge.
-JJJ23

3.5. "Yeah. It's a Cohiba®.
Some broad just had a baby right where you're sitting."

3. Thank God Columbia Masterworks® snapped this up in that vicious bidding war.
-theDIRTYmidget


2.5. A relic of a bygone era when cab drivers spoke English.

2.25. I notice he doesn't talk about fashion.

2. I can't believe how limited my understanding of women, art, and life was before I listened to this album.
-MacSpruce


1. Includes continuous play mode for minorities. Once you put it on, it will never stop for you.
-missalicia

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Comment by drwho on December 7, 2010 at 11:18am
Hello Muddah, Hello Faddah, here I am in my taxi cab.
Comment by JJJ23 on December 6, 2010 at 8:45pm
The All About Women part is mostly Tony ranting about the day a real rain will come and wash all the cum off his back seats.(shout out to tDm)
Comment by JJJ23 on December 6, 2010 at 8:37pm
Rolling Stone called it: The perfect album for the holidays, if you plan to commit suicide and need that extra push over the edge.
Comment by theDIRTYmidget.© on December 6, 2010 at 8:07pm
OTHER TOPICS:
· CLAIMING IGNORED MINORITY FARES ON YOUR WORKERS' COMP..
· HYGIENE NEGLECT SIMPLIFIED.
· CASUALLY GLIMPSING SEX WITHOUT WRECKING.
· THE ENDLESS FUN OF PUDDLES.
· "IT'S MY RIGHT TO SMOKE, AND, YES, THE WINDOWS ARE BROKEN."
Comment by theDIRTYmidget.© on December 6, 2010 at 8:05pm
"ARE YOU TALKIN' TO ME?
Oh, you're on the phone. Sorry."
Comment by theDIRTYmidget.© on December 6, 2010 at 8:05pm
"ARE YOU TALKIN' TO ME?
Well, I wish you would.
I'm so bored and lonely since the wife died."
Comment by theDIRTYmidget.© on December 6, 2010 at 8:05pm
"ARE YOU TALKIN' TO ME?
Seriously, can we talk?"
Comment by theDIRTYmidget.© on December 6, 2010 at 8:02pm
"ARE YOU TALKIN' TO ME?
Oh, you're propositioning that whore.
(Damnit. I thought I was gonna get laid.)"
Comment by theDIRTYmidget.© on December 6, 2010 at 8:01pm
"ARE YOU TALKIN' TO ME?
(Oh, shit. It's a schizophrenic.
Well. there goes my evening.)"
Comment by theDIRTYmidget.© on December 6, 2010 at 7:59pm
Taxicab digressions.

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