Those Were Different Times #105
Introducing: The Basic Principles of Kreskin’s ESP.
8. You are getting sleepy, but mainly just from boredom.
7. I wonder if he foresaw his ESP abilities only being worth 1 dollar?
6.825. One rather unpleasant principle involves the forced insertion of that vibrating rectal-probe.
6.5Get revenge on childhood bullies by using superior intellect to devise plan to become fabulously wealthy and internationally famous by doing absolutely nothing.
6. The price is scribbled out because this information is invaluable
5. You mean his Exceptionally Silly Pendulum ?
4. This album cover keeps triggering my epileptic seizures.
3.825. Kreskin was invited to go up on the space shuttle, but declined when he learned they did not plan on bringing him back.
3.75. that's a locket he's waving around. The photograph inside of it? His penis.
3.5. Kreskin's amulet-metronome muscles were developed using the Furiously Masturbating to Catherine Deveuve method
3.25. *artist's rendering. An actual photograph of Kreskin laying down some ESP would cause you to go insane, & the world would rapidly descend into chaos. Dogs & cats would seriously consider residing alongside each other, & molten lava would erupt from under your very feet.
3. Kreskin's doctor became used to treating him for defensive wounds.
#1 Plant family members in the audience.
#2 Pay them each 10% of the take.
1. Using probability curves to properly identify incoming phone calls.
2. Reading micro-expressions in cats and dogs as buy and sell cues for trading.
3. How to think louder than everyone else in the room, (while eating crab-cakes).
4. Hypnotizing lizards, birds, snakes, spiders and insects with your gonads.