Comedy Whirled

Those Were Different Times Contest #93

Those Were Different Times Contest #93

Introducing, an informational selection from the United States Department Of Agriculture, for those of us in the general breeding population who don't know how to buy meat: "HOW TO BUY MEAT".

Results:

5. Also featuring the "Loading Zone" announcements!
-drhwo

4. I only borrow meat.
-chuckkling

3. Jab the meat with a sharp object such as a knife or an icepick. If it moves away or emits a cry, it hasn't been adequately processed.
-MacSpruce

2.75. Track 6:
Try Not To Get Distracted By All The Pretty Colors When Handing "The Money" To The Money-Taker Person At The "Market"

2. Track 1:
Put Some Broccoli In A Headlock Just To Pump Yourself Up For Buying Meat
-antistar

1.5. Go to The Meat Bank, draw out some Meat Money and drive to The Meat Store.
Then, find a 21-year-old hobo, and have him go in and buy The Meat for you.
While waiting in the car, try to look nonchalant.

1.25. From the producers of
"WHY YOU MIGHT NOT WANT TO SHOVE FURNITURE UP YOUR MOM'S ASS".

1. First, find out what meat is.
TheDIRTYmidget

Views: 23

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Comment by MacSpruce on November 23, 2010 at 8:40pm
Damn! I could swear the album I ordered was HOW TO MEET BI'S ...
Comment by Ian on November 23, 2010 at 5:10pm
We'd secretly replaced Charlie Sheen's 'little black book' in the hopes of better containing any fallout. Find out why we were dead wrong tonight at eleven.
Comment by Slant on November 23, 2010 at 5:07pm
Executive Producer: Larry Flynt
Comment by chuckkling on November 23, 2010 at 4:59pm
Can we send a copy of this to McDonald's?
Comment by chuckkling on November 23, 2010 at 4:57pm
I only borrow meat.
Comment by Gerhardguffaw on November 23, 2010 at 2:30pm
Make sure it's not alive.
Comment by MacSpruce on November 23, 2010 at 10:58am
The presence of a Hartz® UltraGuard™ collar is a good indicator that the meat is free from contamination by fleas or ticks.
Comment by FissureFilms on November 23, 2010 at 10:25am
Don't forget to read its companion pamphlet: " HOW TO VO MIT"
Comment by MacSpruce on November 23, 2010 at 9:39am
Jab the meat with a sharp object such as a knife or an icepick. If it moves away or emits a cry, it hasn't been adequately processed.
Comment by theDIRTYmidget.© on November 23, 2010 at 5:59am
First, and foremost, demand a current and up-to-date HIV Test.
Then, and only then, unlock the car door.

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