Comedy Whirled

I hate the moments when I realize that why  yes, in fact I am a girl.

…like when I can’t open a pickle jar without one of those old lady finger pad thingies…or when I realize that I have no clue how to properly use lighter fluid…OR when I look down at my legs and I don’t see a penis dangling in between my hairy legs….

Side note: Dude, if I had a penis…I’d play with that shit all day long. I’d jerk it…do card tricks with it…turn it into a lasso, and try to…um…lasso shit…hit people with it (in a nonsexual manner of course.) Oh god…the list just goes on forever.

Any who…I’m a pretty independent person…and I intend to keep it that way…so when these little nuances…like not having a penis…or upper body strength…pop up…this bitch gets pissed.

And I know I could probably fix this situation, by doing a couple of push-ups…and reading directions. But where is the fun in that? There isn’t any. It’s fucking work. I don’t like work.
It’s a catch-22 really. I want to stay independent….but I don’t want to do any of the work.

Look, I’m good at three things…writing…straightening my hair…creating perfectly timed black jokes….you don’t need upper body strength for these skills…unless the black joke goes awry.

I’m okay with that.

I know some of you feminists out there are not. You guys annoy me anyways…so I don’t really care if I piss that lot off.

So all in all…all this being annoyingly pissed off about, since I’m a girl that there will be moments where I can’t be a 100% independent, made me realize a huge flaw in this logic. What if I was just dependent on someone for a change? What’s the harm in that shit?

It’s a win-win really. I don’t have to do any of the work…and I get to lie to myself and say I’m still independent.

Did I just grow up a little?

Whatever, I’m pretty. Don’t contradict me.

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Comment by mellowpuma on July 19, 2011 at 12:28am

Hmmm, Sorry, couldn't not write that.  Independence is for suckers who want to work all the time and be tired and cranky and bored.   Honestly, you know who started that whole "independence is great" thing?  Probably a traveling salesman selling pickle jar openers back in the 60's.  That's my opinion, and I haven't patented it yet, so you're welcome to it.  

Comment by mellowpuma on July 19, 2011 at 12:19am

I've got one you can borrow ... (rim shot)


Comment by Mike McHuman on July 13, 2011 at 8:30pm
I don't know why you don't just hire an illegal alien.
Comment by chuckkling on July 12, 2011 at 7:47pm

Women just have men around as a symbol to their bff's that they're not bat shit crazy and can hold down a relationship...and also to lift heavy things.

Just as breast implants are not for the pleasure of men, but to show up other women. "In yo' face" so to speak.

Comment by Buttermilk on July 12, 2011 at 5:19am
Comment by Ian on July 11, 2011 at 5:46pm
Try banging a blunt, hard object on the edge of the pickle jar lid.  It will be much easier to get off.

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