Comedy Whirled

Rotwang's Advice for a Redesign

Oh look, Rotwang's first weblog post on CW

"I do this for a living."

Today's episode:

"Rotwang's Advice for a Redesign"


As a professional qualified experienced certified expert master guru, I'm offering my advice on how should be redesigned. This site can make itself just-like-funnnyordie, with a few simple changes.

1. Make the background white. Movie theatres keep the lights on during the film, not right?

2. Make all of your label colors pastels. With rounded sides. Everyone loves pastels. It won't matter that it will look like an 7th grade girl designed it.

3. Instead of separating the content items into different, recognizable pieces (blogs, videos, comments), make them into one homogenized "feed". So that each content type is pretty much indistinguishable from another. It's sort of like if you were to take meal of cheeseburger, fries, and a coke, and then dump the entire plate into a blender, and serve it with a straw. Easier to eat, yum! Who needs pesky differentiation of form?







4. Relegate comments to the right column of people's walls. This will decrease user interactivity. That will lower traffic and ease the burden on your server. After all, you don't want *more* traffic to your website, do you?

5. When you, the owners and operators of the site, post a video, you should suppress our ability to vote on it. We won't mind. See no evil, say no evil! Democracy is overrated. (Just ignore that whole Egypt thing, for now.)

6. Don't let us see the list of users anymore. God forbid we become aware and informed of other users, lest we interact with them more. The internet may have absolutely amazing potential for human interaction and communication, built right in. But, baahh! Forget that. That's not what you want. You want it to be TV.

7. You should make "badges" for us. That way we can get that great feeling that little boyscouts and girlscouts get when their scoutmaster rewards them with a plastic pin. That's not condesending to users, right?

8. Let blatant comment spammers roam free. For literally YEARS. Never take any action against them, even though evidence of their spamming is right fucking their in their comment history and you've been pointe....

9. Now, launch all of this at once. Don't do the inexpensive step of a beta test on a handful of users to get their feedback first. Because you're the experts, you're smarter than whatever your users think. The users are dumb compared to you.

10. If your users don't like it, completely ignore them and stick with your new design. Even if your top 100 most enthusiastic, most active users do an organized coordinated protest against it, and then completely leave the site altogether. Shrug it off.


"Mr. Hitchcock, what do you think is my best side?" "My dear," he is said to have replied, "you're sitting on it."


After all, the last thing you want to do is admit to your bosses and/or investors that all the time and money you spent on a horrible redesign was a waste. Your job security is more important than happy users.




Happy April, your friend,



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Comment by Frodoh on December 1, 2012 at 6:26pm

Cogent, Comedic & Cathartic....Love it!

Comment by Jams3kds on April 3, 2011 at 9:26am

One of my favorite things that fOD did was when my page crashed and they essentially ignored my requests for someone to fix it for nearly 3 months. I could get on the website but could not get to my page. It wasn't but a few months later that they ruined their whole site completely and gave me a real reason not to want to go to my page at all. Thanks karma.

After reading your blog I took a stroll down memory lane, I.E. the cap con to see if there were any familiar faces. Immediately I saw a few people leading the double life. It's good to see your eyes have adjusted to the background change. 

Comment by mellowpuma on April 2, 2011 at 12:49am

1. do not make the backgroud white.  ever.  if you do I will find you.  don't ask how.  It'll happen.  then your mother will cry when she sees what I've done to you.

2. ahh yes, sarchasm.  it's always so post modern all of a sudden. hard to adjust.

3. badges, yes, we are all eager beavers, hoping for bizzare and obscure recognition for our futile gestures, without digital popcycles, how could we know our own worth.  I"m getting the hang of this whole po-mo thing.  I used a quote mark to see if you were really listening.  Isn't it awesome how I do something badly, then comment upon it? 


Comment by Shag on April 2, 2011 at 12:24am
I am here on CW, because FOD "fucked my buzz"! And, I never got my Damn T-shirt! Any sight that treats Justin Beiber as a God, should be flushed down the E-toilet anyway. Oh, that was a few days before the Pastels! Well, I am here on CW now, you are here now, and most of the other people I followed there are here too! Screw FOD!
Comment by chuckkling on April 1, 2011 at 10:09pm
I remember that day (#9) Slant had me guest judge for Lucy Lieu(LL Bein) My first time judging and I had all my comments and rejoinders perfectly placed with the captions. Perfection. The next morning I saw an unabsorbant white paper towel with links on it (Johan Wayne). FOD stole my thunder but they can keep the change.
Comment by Ian on April 1, 2011 at 5:14pm
Great fun.  The big question is how much is a site willing to bend over for Zuckerbucks.
Comment by LL Bein on April 1, 2011 at 3:27pm
Comment by Donairs on April 1, 2011 at 3:17pm
You forgot: Pass off blatant celebrity marketing ploys as ironic humor.
Comment by Slant on April 1, 2011 at 2:48pm
#9 induced audible laughter, or I LOL'd according to the kids... and the fucking dictionary.
Comment by Buttermilk on April 1, 2011 at 1:28pm
I guess I'm leaving. I can't follow this site at all. I must be a dunce. I'm going to a drive in theatre and watch the dancing hot dogs and drinks (if they are still there). I can follow that even if there are no speakers since most disappeared in the window of a departing 57 Chevy.

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