"Rotwang's Advice for a Comedywhirled.com Redesign"
As a professional qualified experienced certified expert master guru, I'm offering my advice on how comedywhirled.com should be redesigned. This site can make itself just-like-funnnyordie, with a few simple changes.
1. Make the background white. Movie theatres keep the lights on during the film, not off...er... right?
2. Make all of your label colors pastels. With rounded sides. Everyone loves pastels. It won't matter that it will look like an 7th grade girl designed it.
3. Instead of separating the content items into different, recognizable pieces (blogs, videos, comments), make them into one homogenized "feed". So that each content type is pretty much indistinguishable from another. It's sort of like if you were to take meal of cheeseburger, fries, and a coke, and then dump the entire plate into a blender, and serve it with a straw. Easier to eat, yum! Who needs pesky differentiation of form?
4. Relegate comments to the right column of people's walls. This will decrease user interactivity. That will lower traffic and ease the burden on your server. After all, you don't want *more* traffic to your website, do you?
5. When you, the owners and operators of the site, post a video, you should suppress our ability to vote on it. We won't mind. See no evil, say no evil! Democracy is overrated. (Just ignore that whole Egypt thing, for now.)
6. Don't let us see the list of users anymore. God forbid we become aware and informed of other users, lest we interact with them more. The internet may have absolutely amazing potential for human interaction and communication, built right in. But, baahh! Forget that. That's not what you want. You want it to be TV.
7. You should make "badges" for us. That way we can get that great feeling that little boyscouts and girlscouts get when their scoutmaster rewards them with a plastic pin. That's not condesending to users, right?
8. Let blatant comment spammers roam free. For literally YEARS. Never take any action against them, even though evidence of their spamming is right fucking their in their comment history and you've been pointe....
9. Now, launch all of this at once. Don't do the inexpensive step of a beta test on a handful of users to get their feedback first. Because you're the experts, you're smarter than whatever your users think. The users are dumb compared to you.
10. If your users don't like it, completely ignore them and stick with your new design. Even if your top 100 most enthusiastic, most active users do an organized coordinated protest against it, and then completely leave the site altogether. Shrug it off.
After all, the last thing you want to do is admit to your bosses and/or investors that all the time and money you spent on a horrible redesign was a waste. Your job security is more important than happy users.
Happy April, your friend,