Comedy Whirled

Random facts about myself that I'm proud of...but shouldn't be.

I'm basically about to ruin any chance with any dude that ever found me remotely cute.

Enjoy!

1. I buy mayo in economized sized vats as big as a horses head.

2. I used to like Vienna sausages.

3. I've had sex with a dude named Mordecai.

4. I still like Vienna sausages.

5. I've eaten a whole birthday cake in one sitting.

6. I am almost always half-naked while eating....it's really the only way to thoroughly enjoy food.

7. Web MD has brought me to tears because it made me think I was pregnant...on multiple occasions.

8. Almost threw up in class because of taking Plan B the day prior.

9. I've found Cheetos residue in my bra...on multiple occasions.

10. One time I got super duper high and dipped tortilla chips in vanilla icing. It. Was. Amazing.

11. I'm obsessed with the song "Electric Avenue."

12. The Cosby Show is probably my favorite sitcom.

13. I like Kesha...she's a lyrical genius, god damnit.

14. Cheez Whiz? Yes, please!

15. I don't believe in science....well I "believe" in it, I just don't respect it.

16. I used to have a rock collection.

17. I have a very distinct look, it's a little bit white trash...a little bit, "Does she have a roofie in her  hands?"And a smidge..."Meh, she's doable."

18. I just had to Google "roofie" so I could spell it correctly.

19. When I place my cell phone on my stomach, I can't feel it vibrate.

20. I really have a gift at making friends with older black ladies in random places...I think it has something to do with my sassitude.

21. Hate sex is my favorite type of sex.

22. My first reaction to a dude staring at me will always be to check if there is food on my face...and there usually is.

23. A couple of weeks ago I killed a shit ton of nature with a stroller. It was the best day of my life.

24. I have sexually fantasized about my 11th grade AP english teacher...and I know I'm not the only one (ladies...and gentlemen).

25. I have febreezed my jeans...on mulitple occasions.

www.awkwardsexandthecity.blogspot.com

Views: 109

Comment

Got a funny caption? Join Comedy Whirled!

Join Comedy Whirled

Comment by Slant on December 13, 2011 at 3:31pm

#5, check... #11, check... #17, the male equivalent... #25, check.

Comment by Iverneil on December 13, 2011 at 6:18am

Awesome!! (I'm tip toeing out of the room backwards)

Comment by Ian on December 12, 2011 at 5:35pm

# 11 is still rattling around in my brain thirty years later...  especially those syth-bass sounds.  Let me know when you find a cure that doesn't involve ECT.

© 2019   Whirled Wide Network   Powered by Windmills

Badgers  |  Complain Complain Complain  |  Terms of Service