Comedy Whirled


Hi, my name is Seymour Tiddies III.  As Valentine's Day approaches, I noticed that I still don't have a date.  I know what you're can a finely tuned machine like myself be without female companionship on the most romantic day of the year?

There's only one answer...I'm just too damn sexy!  Just take a look.  Who wouldn't want to be with this hunk of burning man meat?  I'm a walking Jeopardy question with a cock!  A stud with pens galore!  A jock with an unlimited supply of facial zit cleanser!

But enough about me.  Who's looking for a man to spend a romantic evening with?  It could be you!



Here are some alluring facts about me...


- I have the personality of a corpse

- my bank account has $12.87 in it

- I have zero friends on my Facebook account

- My mom said we can use the living room until 9 P.M.

- I'm a virgin (by choice of women everywhere)



What I'm looking for in a woman...


- a pulse

- you must live within walking distance of my parent's house

- must love cuddling (with my gerbil)

- must let me smell your feet

- must love milk and milk by-products



I know what you're saying....where's the downside to this Adonis? 


Well, I do have flaws... 


I get a boner at the sound of Alex Trebek's voice.

Women get me mixed up with Brad Pitt.

I don't have every episode of "The Big Bang Theory" on Beta tape.

I snore to the score of "Cats."

My I.Q. is only 177.



If you decide to go out with me, here would be a sample of our evening together...


I will make us grilled peanut butter and jelly sandwiches while I wear assless Chaps.

We will watch a marathon of "Who's The Boss."

I will do my impersonation of Ed Sullivan doing Richard Nixon.  Trust me, it's a laugh riot.

You will show me your nipples.

I will show you my nipples.


The evening will end with a "holding hands" session followed by you telling me to "drop dead."



So, what are you waiting for?  It's almost the 14th, so give me a call.  I promise it won't be worth the wait.









Views: 43


Got a funny caption? Join Comedy Whirled!

Join Comedy Whirled

Comment by Shag on February 11, 2011 at 10:09pm
I'm sorry, I didn't understand! You need to phrase your response as a question!
Comment by mellowpuma on February 10, 2011 at 10:24pm
Sir, we just want to know the approximate vicinity of where you hid the bodies.

© 2020   Whirled Wide Network   Powered by Windmills

Badgers  |  Complain Complain Complain  |  Terms of Service