Comedy Whirled

Old-Fashioned, SLOW-ROASTED SEX Results Thank You Foreplaying.  

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

  

Sexual Categories.:

The Kinsey Prize(s) For Outstanding Research®.: 

 

 

 

Listen to "Keep your Knees together, Daughter" here.  Buttermilk

 

"Let your knees be like the Siamese Twins, for if they're parted you'll get started"  Ian Renga 

 

TheThe Hits Just Keep On Coming®.” or
They Just Keep Coming On My Tits®.” Award(s).:

Contains the bonus tracks:
My bush smells like whiskey and cigarettes
The whole beds a wet spot
When the spunk hits your eye like a big pizza pie...........that's amore'
Are they in yet?
and everyones favorite:
Supersphincterfragilisticexpealidocious (even though the sight of it is really quite atrocious)  MadAdam 

also featuring:

Prefer It In The Bum-Bum • Sufferin' Suckleteet • Your Balls, My Chin • San Diego Hand-Job • Kansas City Kegels • I Once Fucked A Vacuum Cleaner Just Because I Felt Like It • The Blue Waffle Blues • Put Your Penis In My Vagina (The Metaphor Song) • My Bottom Is Your Top Priority • Lapsed Catholic Ass-Lappin' • Finally! A Penis To Put In My Mouth • Ain't Misbehavin' (Does Role-Play Sodomy Count? *Wink*) • Señor Sanchez Doesn't Live Here Anymore • Hey Fellas, Get A Load Of These Boobies, Will Ya? • Car Jackin' • Gulf Of Sexico • Just A Plain Ol' Gal (Who Likes Fuckin') • After The Balls (reprise) • Before The Balls • Slap Shot (Fuckey Puck) • Midway Through The Balls • Raindrops Keep Fallin' On My Head (But I'm Inside) • Cloudy With A Chance Of ButtsexMr. Sandman, Bring Me A Dumptruck Full Of Penises
Once again antistar merits his own Special Area. I defy you to get through these without bursting out laughing. The ‘doozies’ are in white. A girl I nearly married’s mother’s euphemism for her vagina when she was little was ‘doozy’ (the girl’s, not the mom’s. Come to think of it, it probably had been for the mom’s, too. Ick.), so I thought using the word here was appropriate.  xo.

Bonus Track: "Order me a Tall Semen"  Shag 


The Gross Sexual Pandering®. Award.:

Hey tDm...how did you get your caps on the album cover?  chuckkling 


The Angela Lansbury / Jessica Fletcher
Brotherhood / Sisterhood®. Award(s).:

Murder boner she wrote. ... ©Mellowpuma  chuckkling 

"Murder boner she wrote" (by Chuckkling), Aww shucks, I thought everybody'd forgotten about that. Thanks. After I wrote that, I actually heard the term on a cable comedy show a few months later. My meme grows stronger ... Muaah Haa Haa!  mellowpuma 


TheEverybody Got Full Consideration For Both Versions Of The Picture®.” Award(s).:

Behind the Really Narrow Green Moderately Narrow Black Door.
(Needed to see this pic earlier to get it)  chuckkling 

Yeah, that green line makes me forget that Cynthia is naked!
Crap! You changed pictures! Now there's no "Green Line", it's a Black box. Now my comment about the Green Line seems pretty stupid!  Shag 


As some of you know, initially, Madame Mame had just the very super-skinniest of eye-grabbing, neon-green strips covering just the tiniest parts of the protruberant portions of her nipples, the joke being that that would be the only offensive part.  There was a link to the uncensored image, too, that was also part of the joke, like, “If you think you can handle it, here’s a flabby naked woman that looks like your least-favorite aunt looked in the 1950s.” 

I’ve found a whole bunch of covers like this one (even more risqué ones too, and others, less so), all charmingly corny and evocative of that that ‘Rat-Pack’ / ‘PartyRecord mentality that seemed so dirty when I was a kid, but (by comparison to how awful the world has gotten) seem, again, charmingly corny.  I thought you guys would get that, too.  I’d provided the link because I’d actually felt uncomfortable censoring it, since people wouldn’t be seeing the entire real thing.  That fact that it was actually sold that way is kind of unbelievable, again, by comparison to how horrid the world has become.  (You can see a guy get raped to death by a horse on the Internet, yet George Carlin’s books get banned from fucking Walmart®.)  I also thought that people who didn’t want to see it could merely not click on it.  (There was no deception or trickery in how it was labeled.) 

Then my fucking conscience started making me consider that somebody might take it wrong, start to think I was more of a pervert than I actually am (which, quite frankly, probably isn’t possible), that the more sensitive among us might think less of me, and that we all have mothers and sisters, and ‘never do anything you wouldn’t do in front of your grandma’, and all that namby-pamby horseshit and on and on. (To be honest, I’d considered that Buttermilk, whom I adore, might find it distasteful, but, ironically, she’s the only one who’s commented sort of favorably about it in my comments.  Go figure!   

Anyway, as a Special Prize for your patience while I judged this unbelievably difficult to judge group, here is that link, again. Big whoop.
INSTANT NIPS. 
 

All of my grandmas are dead, anyway.
tDm.©., xo.    

 

 

Horniable Menstruations.:

the first record to be measured in beats per minute  antistar 
either she's flattering her breast shape, or covering her ears so she doesn't have to listen to all the "maturity"  antistar 
Wow - there's a whole other side to Patsy Cline I never knew about  Gisele Noel 
Anyone else here really miss John Belushi?  FissureFilms 
"For Mature People ... and Cows"  FissureFilms 
After the first song I had to meno-pause it....  chuckkling 
Her Greatest Hits album includes a new song called "Milf and Nookies".  chuckkling
Does "Instant Sex" come in a pouch like hot chocolate?  Shag 
For $6.98, I better get more than a Lap Dance!  Shag 
$6.98 for a boner? Will you take a check?  Gerhardguffaw 


The INSTANT Thick, Sweaty, Throbbing, Veiny 12®.:

12.5. If you play it backwards, it's just a big tease.
12. Betcha she'd like my 12 inch single.  Rodney Dean 



11.5. She gives no additional meaning to "Hollywood Swinging."
11. The original Super Freak.  drwho 

10.5. INSTANT SEX (Nipples not included)
10.25. 33 1/3 revulsions per minute
10. Just add Walter.  MacSpruce 

9.5. I spent a lot of time with this album locked in my bedroom,thank you Madame Mame,for making me a man.
9. She has a body like a Botticelli but a face like..... Botticelli.  Mervin97 

8. Funny...I found the Madame Mame record in the C section at FYE.  chuckkling 

7.75. Unlisted Bonus Track: "Shame"
7.5. Sexucational Songs? ... Aww, I was hoping for Sexicutional Songs. :(
7.25. You meet the nicest ladies in black bars.
7.125. The old jazz stand hards.
7.* Not available in states where shit is all retarded.  mellowpuma 

6.5. Is that black duct tape or are you happy to see me?
6.25. She blew Louie in Saint Louie and then got shots in the ass.
6. Those nipples are fake.  Tom O'Brien 


5. $6.98? Whoa there, over-achiever.  Ryan 

4.75. I can't type with my pecker poking me in the face!
4.5. Oh, for "IMMATURE PEOPLE" we have "Donkey Fucking with Balloon Animals"!
4.25. If there is no song about Jerking Off, How could it be "Sexucational"?
4. Oh Shit, Twat fingering was on Volume 2!  Shag 

3. Mom?  Bill Staples 

2.5. I feel so dirty now that my pointer has been all over her.
2. She can sing and play the harmonica at the same time.  Buttermilk 

1.5. Ohhh! My intro just turned into an outro faster than I'd of liked.
1. I may just be a narcissist, but at first listen it sounded like she wanted me.  JJJ23

 


I N S T A N T L Y
O R G A S M I C A L L Y
S A T I S F Y I N G
C O N G R A T U L A T I O N S !!!!!!!!!!
To ALL You Sexucationally-Advanced Winners !!!!!
xo. 

 

 

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FOR MATURE PEOPLE only, we present
INSTANT SEX- Sexucational Songssung by MADAME MAME


includes INSTANT SEX I NEVER SAW SUCH KNOCKERS HE’S A FAIRY NICE FELLOW AFTER THE BALLS BETTER COME BILL BAILEY IN THE SHADE OF HER APPLE TREE I BLEW LOUIE IN ST. LOUIE IF YOU THINK YOU GOT IT HARD I GOT A HANDFUL OF NUTS MY THERMOMETER MAN TAKE YOUR HAND OFF OF IT I WANNA DO IT RIGHT NOW KEEP YOUR KNEES TOGETHER DAUGHTER

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Comment by Bill Staples on March 29, 2011 at 9:58pm
Mom?
Comment by Ian on March 29, 2011 at 12:58am
"Let your knees be like the Siamese Twins, for if they're parted you'll get started" 
Comment by mellowpuma on March 28, 2011 at 9:26pm
The old jazz stand hards.
Comment by mellowpuma on March 28, 2011 at 9:13pm

Unlisted Bonus Track: "Shame"

Comment by mellowpuma on March 28, 2011 at 9:11pm
"Murder boner she wrote"  (by Chuckkling), Aww shucks, I thought everybody'd forgotten about that.  Thanks.  After I wrote that, I actually heard the term on a cable comedy show a few months later.  My meme grows stronger ... Muaah Haa Haa!
Comment by mellowpuma on March 28, 2011 at 9:06pm
"The Secret Record Collection of Water Mitty"
Comment by mellowpuma on March 28, 2011 at 8:59pm

* Not available in states where shit is all retarded.

Comment by mellowpuma on March 28, 2011 at 8:57pm
Sexucational Songs? ... Aww, I was hoping for Sexicutional Songs.  :(
Comment by mellowpuma on March 28, 2011 at 8:55pm
Madame Mame?  Was "Phillis Thriller" taken?
Comment by mellowpuma on March 28, 2011 at 8:54pm
You meet the nicest ladies in black bars.

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