Mad As Heck; Not Going To Take It Anymore, et cetera

     With the advent of almost the entire world protesting (and sometimes getting results), I've decided that there are some things that I am not particularly happy with, & have homemade sign denoting vague criticism waving written all over 'em.

     I think I'll start by marching directly to wherever the traffic light guys work & shout yet-to-be-made slogans about the tremendous cumulative time I've spent sitting in my car at that one intersection while the cross road has a green light, but no vehicles are present to take advantage of my state-mandated progress foreclosure.  There's only so much phone-fondling & CD wrangling I can do during these unwarranted stops before I begin to feel unduly persecuted.  Also, at least half the time this 3-eyed Gestapo-bot wants to see my papers, it's dark out, so I can't even properly gawk at a neighboring motorist.   And that's even if I have company.  No, your time has come, Fascist Traffic Light Consortium.  Get ready for it.

     Next stop is the drive-thru window at fast food places that cram your meal into what is obviously a bag one size too small.  The napkins are half out of the bag, flappin' in the breeze.  The whole bag leans dangerously to one side, completely top-heavy & threatening to slop grease all over your already weathered leather seat and / or your floor mats that really could use a cleaning anyway.  If "Integral Bag Size Selection for Drive-Thru Customers" is not a featured element of the training program at your restaurant, you're gonna have your hands full real soon.

"You vant ze fries vis ssat?"

     Then it's time to go after the oil industry.  It might be "David & Goliath", but as far as I know, David didn't know shit about the power of homemade signs & a catchy slogan or chant.  In fact, I think at this point it's time to break out...The Acronyms. 

     I'll get to those shortly, but the gist is that I pull up to the pump, just another Western Hemisphere Dude who must own & operate a gas-consuming vehicle in order to make a life for myself & help perpetuate a deep reliance on a region of the world that is often miserable, volatile, & hateful, & watch the $ on the pump go up, up, up, & I don't have a fucking clue where these numbers are coming from or what exactly I'm paying for.  And then I get to come home & read about any number of oil companies that post profits (profits!) in the tens of billions of dollars.  Quarterly (quarterly!).  I don't even get a break since I'm pumping my own gas?  What was $2.98 a gallon yesterday is now $3.27 a gallon today?  Could you possibly shove my dependence on your product in my face a little more, please?

Oil Industry Acronyms to be Made Into Signs for the Purpose of Protesting

A.Y.F.K.M.

(Are You Fucking Kidding Me)

T.AB.O.B.

(That's A Bunch Of Bullshit)

IM.N.Y.O.T.S.M.C.W.O.L.B.T.D.M.IH.T.L.I.

(I May Need Your Oil To Sustain My Chosen Way Of Life But That Doesn't Mean I Have To Like It)

O.I.L.

(Olive.......Initiation.......Looney.......crap.  Still workin' on that one.)

Y.F.C.A.F.O.P.

(You Fat Cats Are Full Of Poop)

Y.M.W.A.O.R.

(Your Mother Was An Oil Rig)

M.B.Y.F.

(My Balls Your Face)

H.A.T.W.H.

(How About This Weather, Huh)

(to be used when approached by security guards)

     Okay, I didn't graduate Magna Cumlaude Acronym.  But the passion is there.

For the last protesting stop before making the world right as rain, I've been saving glass bottles & old vegetables for use as projectiles.  These will be used on the makers of cheese-filled jalapeño poppers.  We're going violent protest on this one.  My mouth has endured far too much agony at the hands of this vile (but yummy) concoction. 

"Hi!  I'm a jalapeño popper.  I'm going to rape your mouth."

     The scars speak for themselves, & for every squirt of liquid fire that has assaulted cheek, tongue, & gum, there's gonna be many windows busted at Big Jalapeño Popper's headquarters.  What kind of maniac invents something that has scalding hot oil inside of it, but simply must be eaten the very moment it is placed in front of you?! 

     Well, wish me & my army of one luck in righting the wrongs listed here.  I've got some glitter glue I'm going to use on the signs, because activism with pizazz will not be denied.  Give a honk on your horn if you see me standing on city hall steps!