Live, From The Riot!

As international journalists plunge into the chaos in Egypt, I'm wondering how they "break the ice" with the protesting / rock-throwing throngs. Below is a list of potential approaches to people who, right now, may or may not give a flying fuck about non-Arabic persons thrusting microphones in their faces:

Hello. You're Egyptian, aren't you?

Since you guys don't wear anti- or pro-Mubarak soccer-type uniforms, would you care to tell me which side you're on so I don't wind up with a broken bottle lodged in my skull?

Is there something going on here?

What about The Children?™

You know, in the United States we settle this sort of thing by breakdancing.

What's your favorite celebrity tweet of the week?

Are you better off than you were 30 years ago?

Are you going to kill me?

Hot enough for ya?

Does Jordan get any free throws?

Have you seen Forrest Gump around here anywhere?

On a scale of 1 to 10, how mad are you right now?

Were the French tourists the first to flee the country?

Are you going to pick up that debris you just hurled?

I'm a big-time Hollywood producer. My name is Brad Cruiseberg.

Would your people find it funny if we printed "'Tanks' for the Memories" as the lede?

Mubarak: boner or ulcer?

Have you thought about The Children™?

I'll suck your c@ck if you can get me on a flight out of here.

Don't talk to the German reporters, they're assholes.

What do you think about the "Snowpocalypse"?

Where can I get a good shakshouka around here?

Those are very nice shoes.

Does your "mummy" know you're out here?

How do I get The Children™ to stop smashing my windows?

Tags: Egypt, antistar, bitch, molotov

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Comment by Ian Renga on February 4, 2011 at 2:19am

Comment by chuckkling on February 3, 2011 at 8:32pm: They're just rioting for the free mummies.

Comment by Slant on February 3, 2011 at 8:24pm: Has anyone seen the key to the Tahrir Square Hardee's restroom?

Comment by chuckkling on February 3, 2011 at 7:27pm: Guns don't kill people....rocks do.

Comment by MacSpruce on February 3, 2011 at 7:05pm: What are you looking at, sphinx-ter face?

Comment by MacSpruce on February 3, 2011 at 7:01pm: Do you think Mubarek is in da Nile?

Comment by MacSpruce on February 3, 2011 at 6:59pm: Is this all just an elaborate pyramid scheme?

Comment by Bubba Licious on February 3, 2011 at 4:52pm: I am Zorgon, from the planet Nimrod. Take me to your leader.

Comment by Shag on February 3, 2011 at 4:34pm: What time is the 9 o'clock bomb supposed to arrive?

Comment by LL Bein on February 3, 2011 at 2:57pm: We're not sayin' you had anything to do with it but we haven't seen her in years, do you know the whereabouts of Susanna Hoffs?