Image courtesy of TMZ
Chicago Bears quarterback Jay Cutler and girlfriend Kristen Cavallari were spotted shopping for plastic surgeons in Los Angeles this week, upon the advice of team physicians. When asked how he felt about the fans and media questioning his manhood in the wake of the NFC Championship Game, Cutler was quick to defend himself.
Hey look, I'm not the first athlete to grow a pussy with a championship hanging in the balance -- OK? Ever hear of Roberto Duran?... Scottie Pippen?... LeBron James? It happens. Just to be mentioned in the same breath with guys of that caliber is an honor in itself. I just hope that the doctors know what they're doing and can sew this thing up or remove it altogether... whatever, it's starting to itch really bad and I can't stop picking at it. I heard it pop at the beginning of the third quarter and immediately knew my day was over.
According to Bears head trainer Tim Bream, coaches were baffled and repulsed when they first saw Cutler's injury.
They thought it was just a nasty gash that could be patched up, but I know a freshly sprouted flower when I see one. I couldn't in all good conscience let Jay continue playing in that ball game. It wouldn't have been fair to him, or the team for that matter. I mean, have you seen the size of those monsters out there? That's some scary shit! Plus I think the league has some sort of rule about that. No? Well they should.
Sources close to the Bears report that team officials immediately began setting appointments for the much maligned signal caller to meet with specialists in California. Cutler confirmed that information before ending his impromptu interview.
Yeah, they sent me to see the doctor who did Chaz Bono's plumbing but he gave me the creeps... no way I'm letting that dude touch my vagina. And who is this Dr. Murray guy they want me to see? That name sounds familiar for some reason.