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ask "dr" mellowpuma in the pre times of post apocalypse.

Unless lot of people do my press conferences, and say my name a lot, i'm opening the country, and your parents and your grandparents might die. also this is like 911 or a war or something.   just kidding, your grandparents will live, i'm not opening the country.  also, gina has to pay us because they made it in a lab or something, idaknow, ask jared.  just kidding again, your grandparents are done for.  also, the democrats. ... stephen, what was the thing?  is it still hillary's emails?  just kidding, your grandparents will live.  also,WHO didn't tell me even though my staff tried to, so no more money.  just kidding your grandparents are going to be toast, but i'll let the state governors do it.

if you have questions or whatever, you could not ask them, or write a thing below and i might get back to you.

but, like, the founding fathers wouldn't want you to ask questions, so just think of that.

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Comment by mellowpuma on May 5, 2020 at 4:05am

an american with an open mind unlike the media wrote:

"

Hey, thanks anyway, but I just found out – and I have this on very good authority, from someone who many people are calling a scientific and medical genius – that drinking a bottle of Lysol will do the trick, so I’m.. I mean, my friend is going to go that route, mixing it with a generous pour of bourbon just to make it go down smoother and add a little extra kick to it. Full, radiant, disease-free healthiness, here we come!

"

now bleach, it kills germs in the shower, viruses are like germs, small invisible bugs.  we are giant men who make cars and skyscrapers, it makes no sense that bugs are stopping us when bleach, and yes, lysol exist.  we just need to get rid of these science guys, who suck and have ugly wives, and figure this out with like welders and contractors and big iron bellows.  

tell your friend to look into my new welding idea.  

Comment by mellowpuma on May 5, 2020 at 3:53am

an american who is one of the really good people who gets me wrote:

"

Dr. president puma, how do you feel about the band Tame Impala? It's basically just one guy, I think, and whatever touring musicians he works with. Sorta hipstery, falsetto, electronic rock stuff. Um, also, real quick, do you believe morality to be definite?

"

how is a band one guy, that's garbage. when i pass gas, do i become a one man band for a millisecond?

morality is, like, relative.  there's that one relative who eats all the fruit salad and farts. nobody likes that guy cause he farts.  so morality is like a relative that farts and tells long stories, what good is it? now relativity, some science guys thought space was 10 dimensional, please, 5 dimensions max dummies. you have 3 dimensions, light pulled into a conceptual torus shape, and time. 5, douy, morons.

the taurus, that was a bad car.  the impala though, now that was when cars were cars. it's like you were driving an erect penis that eats gas and shits dynamite. why would you tame it.  makes no sense.

so i interneted that band all by my self, it sounds like cross dressers pretending to be cher, but all echoy.  do yourself a favor, look up the rolling stones.  the beatles are garbage english people, but the stones, now that's american rock.

Comment by JJJ23 on April 26, 2020 at 11:10pm

Dr. president puma, how do you feel about the band Tame Impala? It's basically just one guy, I think, and whatever touring musicians he works with. Sorta hipstery, falsetto, electronic rock stuff. Um, also, real quick, do you believe morality to be definite?

Comment by MacSpruce on April 24, 2020 at 9:23am

Hey, thanks anyway, but I just found out – and I have this on very good authority, from someone who many people are calling a scientific and medical genius – that drinking a bottle of Lysol will do the trick, so I’m.. I mean, my friend is going to go that route, mixing it with a generous pour of bourbon just to make it go down smoother and add a little extra kick to it. Full, radiant, disease-free healthiness, here we come!

Comment by mellowpuma on April 24, 2020 at 5:19am

A totally american american, who you know, gets some strange wrote:

"

Tell me, doc, if they can develop a vaccine against the coronavirus in like 18 months or whatever like they’re saying, why haven’t they gotten off their asses in the last 30 years or so and done something about the herpes virus? A friend of mine wants to know. You might say he’s itching to know.  Also, what is the correct plural of coronavirus? 

And I think it would be cool if, during the daily task farce briefings, the TV networks’ chyron when Trump is speaking identify him as “President Donald Trump, The Coarse Fore Man of the Apocalypse.

"

herpes, i mean wow, you have to get the ladies from the vhs tapes tested first.  it's such a problem.  if only i had the top vaccine guy working for me.  then, it'd be history.  what?  no, that guy was garbage. 

the coronavius vaccine is totally good now, we just have to get a new vaccine guy who says some older vaccine for polio will work just fine. it's 95% done.

after that, i'll make him ok the polio vaccine for all the herpies too, then that'll be fixed.  

we still shouldn't be vaccinating our kids though, those kid vaccines make them super reta- SPECIALLY ABLE.  ug, that presidential siri they installed, it just won't let me use the right word sometimes.  but those kid vaccines are garbage.  just ask that lady from the mtv in the 90's va va va voom!  if she's wrong, i dont want to be right!

also, the plural of corona virus is china's fault.   if there is more than one, it's cause they made them in a lab or because they eat bats or those china armadillo things.  our top guys are working out which one is why people will believe it's their fault.  which it totally is.

also, chyron is one of my best donors. they have the best gas, their soda is always the fizziest.  i don't know why you're saying apocalypse after that, it's like you had a seizure and started doing some word jazz.  you don't have to worry about any apocalypse, because i'm going to get those term limits taken care of and i'll take care of america, or ivanka or jared will.  it'll be a whole thing were we just do what's best for everyone for a long long time.

hope i set your mind at ease about things, because there are some very stable geniuses who will be steering the boat from now on.  by the way, do you know a vaccine guy who, like, will just say yes a lot?

Comment by MacSpruce on April 21, 2020 at 9:55pm

Tell me, doc, if they can develop a vaccine against the coronavirus in like 18 months or whatever like they’re saying, why haven’t they gotten off their asses in the last 30 years or so and done something about the herpes virus? A friend of mine wants to know. You might say he’s itching to know.  Also, what is the correct plural of coronavirus? 

And I think it would be cool if, during the daily task farce briefings, the TV networks’ chyron when Trump is speaking identify him as “President Donald Trump, The Coarse Fore Man of the Apocalypse.”

Comment by mellowpuma on April 21, 2020 at 2:06am

A proud american patriot that totally gets it wrote:

"

How are ya puma? You're the best.

Also, Pence really let us down. Not what I expected from a life size old man G.I. Joe doll. Surely it's his fault, and his alone, since this plague control duty was foisted upon him in early March. He fucking Penced this thing bigly. 

A real question though now Dr. Big Cat, can you even become a major presidential candidate in this country now if you have never had rape charges filed against you?

"

it is true, i have been called the best by everyone i keep around for that reason.

pence was put in charge of this shortly after inauguration.  that's how on top of it i was.  so, if you see freezer trucks rolling out of queens full of dead bodies stacked like cord wood, maybe file that under a pence thing.  yes. when it became a real problem, that's when i brought in jared.  using the fed's money to outbid every state for the respirators, and sending them to the swing states, brilliant!

now, i don't want it to look like i'm throwing pence under the bus, because that would look bad for me.  so forget pence.  if you're mad about the sad no working thing, remember the name dr. fauci.  not pence, not jared: FAUCI.  he's a bad man that tells me i can't do things i want to and that i could have done things better before.  he's a real know it all jerk.

there was a third question, but i think i've answered the ones i liked so well, you'll just have to give me bonus points and let them roll over to the third.  if you look "rape" up in the special secret accurate dictionary just for presidents, it says " not enough money left on the nightstand".

Comment by JJJ23 on April 18, 2020 at 8:42am

How are ya puma? You're the best.

Also, Pence really let us down. Not what I expected from a life size old man G.I. Joe doll. Surely it's his fault, and his alone, since this plague control duty was foisted upon him in early March. He fucking Penced this thing bigly. 

A real question though now Dr. Big Cat, can you even become a major presidential candidate in this country now if you have never had rape charges filed against you?

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