Comedy Whirled

My dearest Slurpee, you’ve been my friend for many, many years

And on this day, when Slurpees are free, I am always brought to tears


I drive around to dozens of 7-11’s today all within my town

Getting my fix of sugar and artificial color which makes my face look like a clown


When I was a child, the choices were easy when you only came in the flavors of red and blue

But now I see that you’re Fanta, Pepsi, Twizzler, and even Mountain Dew


So much variety, so much fun, I think that I’m going insane

I’m twitching and shaking from all this icy goodness that’s slowly freezing my brain


I normally only choose one flavor when I decide to take the Slurpee ride

But today is different, I’m going nuts and making a “suicide”


So thank you 7-11 for your convenience and this cup full of legal crack

And Happy Birthday to the store that always keeps us coming back


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Comment by mellowpuma on July 25, 2011 at 5:50pm

Goin' nuclear so quickly is a sure sign of despiration.  

Yes, my mom was wearing a dunce cap, how can I protest that.  Yes, she did have big glasses too.  These are all facts.  The FACT you miss is how happy she looks.


Kurt Vonnegut offered this simple platitude to all those looking to find a simple grandeous serenety "be a clown".  So you see, you contemptful mother hating hitlers (yeah, I went there) my mother actually posesses a wisdom you could only dream of.  (did you see how I didn't insult your mother there, thats cause I be classy like dat)


Best Regards, mellowpuma.


P.S. I'm telling YOUR MOM!

Comment by Van Full of Candy on July 20, 2011 at 9:23am

I honestly don't know how to respond to that level of slam. So put in my place by your superior dialectic firepower, any response I could formulate in an attempt at defense would only seem feeble at best and a bowl of urine served to the ghosts of my ancestors, at worst...


So I guess, in the end, all I can possibly say is...


Your mom.


*<B'D-E-<   <--- That's her, that's your mom, all broad shouldered and clown hatted with those stupid over sized sun glasses and that big toothy grin! HAHA! Your mom is an ASCII doodle in a comment box! Stupid. Stupid mom. You mom is a stupid mom!


I think my work here is done...

Comment by mellowpuma on July 19, 2011 at 12:15am

Icee's are way better. It's a known fact.  A Known Fact.  AKF. (:^F) that was a face. It was meant to represent the saying "a known fact". It was of a guy with big teeth, not a vampire.  A vampire would've been totally lamer-FAIL. You have been educated at the school of pain now.  You're welcome for being able to read my opinions.  I am not just trying to stir up trouble in the most obvious way possible!  I know I'm right!  RawwwOwww!  That was my war cry!  It was fearsome!  You may clean up your soiled undergarments now!  VICTORY! 

Comment by Bubba Licious on July 11, 2011 at 6:50pm
Free Slurpee Day?!  Dammit, I can't believe I didn't know that.  I really need to take my head out of my ass.  Beautiful poem, by the way.  Quite moving.
Comment by Ian on July 11, 2011 at 6:14pm
I was wondering if anyone would bring this up on this day... such fond memories of self-induced cryogenic deep freeze above the neck...

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