Comedy Whirled

Those Were Different Times #386

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... and the special "Doctor Strangetweet" Award goes to:...

and the special "Doctor Strangetweet" Award goes to:Historians believe that the nuclear holocaust that wiped out 95% of humanity, not to mention most other life on Earth, was triggered when, in July 2018, the leader of the US House Intelligence Committee presented President Trump with this photographic evidence of a secret nuclear missile program under development in the Canadian capital city of Montreal, near the North Pole, as part of a vile anti-American conspiracy led by the weak and dishonest Prime Minister Justin Bieber.  Canada was already guilty of cheating and robbing the US blind, as well as numerous other aggressive acts and provocations – including spreading radical, un-American ideas promoting such toxic notions as socialized medicine, abortion rights, gun control and civil behaviour.  Spelling behaviour with a 'u' was the last straw, and Trump ordered the bombing of the six largest Canadian cities that didn't contain any Trump-branded buildings.  North Korea, unwilling to see the US hog all the glory of staging a senseless nuclear attack, quickly bombed Seoul to ashes before turning its remaining firepower on Japan and the US.  At that point it became a total free-for-all: The US bombed North Korea; China and India and Pakistan and India each nuked the other simultaneously; Russia hit Ukraine, China and India; Britain and France let loose both ways across the channel after centuries of pent-up annoyance with one another's irritating ways; Israel, Iran and a few other nuclear closet cases – Montenegro! Who'da thunk?! – all got in on the act. And everybody – everybody – even countries with small arsenals and normally staunch allies such as Britain and France, nuked the US while they had the chance.  A British military officer of the time was quoted as saying, "Sure, it was a heinous betrayal of a longtime ally, but it felt absolutely fantastic to give those bloody Yanks a jolly good rogering; self-righteous bastards had it coming, eh wot?"  A French official shrugged his shoulders and remarked, "C'est la vie."  But regardless of the ultimate verdict on the regrettable actions taken on that fateful day, history is clear about one thing: In the immortal words of Donald Trump, as tweeted to his few surviving, horribly maimed and dying supporters from his well appointed, well stocked, gold-plated bunker, where he lived on in imperial splendor without a 'u' for many years, supping on children's tears and Russian caviar before being escorted to heaven by Jesus and Jim Bakker, "It was all Canada's fault."

-MacSpruce


5. The Montreal Sound sings, Santa Claus is Coming All over Town.

-Mervin97


4. . THIS is why America needs the Space Force. 

-MacSpruce

( space force is just a re-branding of an existing branch of the air force, called "space command".  he has made nothing, and is slapping a name on something someone else made, as usual ) "http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jpLZEcfozCM

--60 minutes segment on space command, probably where trump heard about it.  for the most part, it's a war on debris floating around in space.  so it's a war on garbage, appropriate.


3. I had a feeling they were better at it than us.

-Iverneil


2. "...riding a rocket made from reindeer hides and conflict diamonds."

-Ian

Full lyrics: "It's cold, we're drunk, some of us speak French, goodnight then."

1. Canadian Santa's done gift giving by 9 pm, he's balls deep in a broad by 9:15, and he ain't soarry bout shit.

-JJJ23

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Comment by JJJ23 on July 10, 2018 at 7:41pm

Full lyrics: "It's cold, we're drunk, some of us speak French, goodnight then."

Comment by Mario!!! on July 9, 2018 at 10:13am

Before reaching stardom with the Titanic soundtrack, Celine Dion was equally annoying in anonymity.

Comment by Mario!!! on July 9, 2018 at 10:05am

It's a little known fact that disco didn't arrive to the Great White North until 2005 and it has yet to die.

Comment by KariGrant on July 8, 2018 at 5:33pm

Featuring:

It Came Upon a Midnight Sun.

Oh, Little Town of Montreal.

I Shot the Tariff.

Rudolph the Red Nosed Elk.

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