Comedy Whirled

Mellowpuma's Blog – December 2010 Archive (13)

A Senile / Demented Old Man Gets Sidetracked While Ordering A Value Meal at McDonalds.

Everyone on this street lives in a 19 hundred and whoopty whoo house, and drives a hundai preludio ... some riceburner crap like that. What happened to the days when Detroit built the cars and we just felt damn tootin skin…

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Added by mellowpuma on December 30, 2010 at 8:30am — 4 Comments

Those Were Different Times #105

Those Were Different Times #105

Introducing: The Basic Principles of Kreskin’s ESP.

Results:



8. You are getting sleepy, but mainly just from boredom.

-missalicia

7. I wonder if he foresaw his ESP abilities only being worth 1 dollar?

-JJJ23

6.825. One rather unpleasant principle involves the forced insertion of that vibrating…

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Added by mellowpuma on December 28, 2010 at 8:00am — 20 Comments

Those Were Different times #104 Introducing Patty Luke "Just Patty". Results:8. It was Jim and Patty up until a recently well-placed back of a shovel made her a solo act-Ian Renga 7.  It's also the n…

Those Were Different times #104

Introducing Patty Luke "Just Patty".

Results:

8. It was Jim and Patty up until a recently well-placed back of a shovel made her a solo act

-Ian Renga

7.  It's also the number attendees at her Christmas party, so long as cats don't count.

-Slant

6.  RE/MAX agent Patty trying to sell a tree house...desperate…

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Added by mellowpuma on December 24, 2010 at 6:00am — 23 Comments

Those Were Differnt Times #103

Those Were Differnt Times #103

Introducing: EILERTS JUL.

Results:

 

7. His cousin Jorg was a wizard with the Bedazzler®.

-chuckkling

6. Du är inte bara en hund hund !

-MacSpruce

5. Rainn Wilson stars in "The Office Christmas Orgy."

-Gerhardguffaw

4. He breaks out in ooga chakka's in every song.

-drwho

3. Wants YOU to rub…

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Added by mellowpuma on December 20, 2010 at 10:30pm — 19 Comments

The War On Christmas Presents 2: Santa Force. They Know When You Are SLEEPING!

If you want to read it, here is the first The War On Christmas Presents.

http://www.funnyordie.com/articles/21d7002d4c/the-war-on-christmas-presents

 

And here is ... The FUTURE!

 …

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Added by mellowpuma on December 20, 2010 at 10:00pm — 2 Comments

Those Were Different Times #102

 

Those Were Different Times #102.  

Introducing: "SWEET DADDY SIKI SQUARES OFF with COUNTRY MUSIC".

Results:

 

6. ...in Super-Stereo?...get. out. of. here!

-chuckkling

 

5. Jeez Kanye, just let it go already.

-missalicia

 

4. . . . and no one lives to tell the tale.

-Donairs



3. Don't hate the player...hate…

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Added by mellowpuma on December 17, 2010 at 1:30pm — 20 Comments

I miss Amy4Birds.

Ok, simple enough, I miss Amy4Birds. She was one of my favorite people on FOD.  She had these really great stories she'd tell about her mom and stuff.  She once made a blog about fantasy knives as a joke for me as a christmas present. Sniff sniff. I promised my self I wouldn't cry.  I've tried conventional methods, and none of the links lead to any sort of place of contact.  Others have tried also, without sucess.  But I am a super genious with unlimited mental prowess! Yes!

So ...…

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Added by mellowpuma on December 16, 2010 at 3:00am — 4 Comments

Those Were Different Times #101

Those Were Different Times #101

Introducing German Wunderkind "HEINO" and his album: "Deutsche Weihnacht und festliche Lieder"

Resulten:

7. Includes the mega hit, "Taking Ein In Das Heinoooooooo!"

-Gerhardguffaw

6. Peter Fonda had the Time of his Life escaping the IRS for a few years.

-Ian Renga

5. His left hand is expressing how he…

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Added by mellowpuma on December 13, 2010 at 11:30pm — 22 Comments

Those Were Different Times #100

Those Were Different Times #100

Introducing: The Minister's Quartet and their record album "LET ME TOUCH HIM"

Results:

11. The Priests Quartet recorded it first.

-Bubba Licious

10. Their second album, "Let Us Douche Her" had minimal success.

-Gerhardguffaw

9. ...and love him and pet him and squeeze him, right George?

-drwho

8. The old "Ask, Don't Tell" policy of yesteryear was more than a little flawed.

-ian Renga

7.5. Includes…

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Added by mellowpuma on December 10, 2010 at 6:00pm — 29 Comments

Those Were Different Times #99

Those Were Different Times #99

Introducing: Sylvester Stallone in "ROCKY Fun and Fitness".

Results:

8. I think someone needs to get Burgess Meredith to whisper into his ear about the "fun" part.

-antistar

7. Finally, music to play while…

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Added by mellowpuma on December 7, 2010 at 9:30pm — 18 Comments

Those Were Different Times #98

Those Were Different Times #98

Introducing: SPONTANEOUS, IN-THE-CAB RECORDINGS OF THE NEW YORK TAXI DRIVER AS RECORDED BY TONY SCHWARTZ

Results:



8. Columbia Records censored the original track names:

F*ING WHORES

F*ING PIGS

F*ING CRAPHOLE

F*ING PORN

F*ING IDIOTS

F*ING UNDERPAID, UNDERRESPECTED, ALCOHOL ADDICT ON MY 4TH MARRIAGE

-LeatherShorts

7. Featuring the hits:

"5th Avenue?...I'll have to charge you…

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Added by mellowpuma on December 5, 2010 at 1:00am — 28 Comments

Those Were Different Times #97

Those Were Different Times #97

Introducing Mr. Adam Clayton Powell and his message to the world " Keep The Faith Baby".

Results:

7. Oh, and to my secretary: Keep the baby, Faith.

-MacSpruce (sorry, you people all look the same to me)

6.5. And I'll need you to drop that package off at 4th and Main. (Not a word.)



6. . . . and thaw my cocktail weenies.

-Donairs

4.5. "I used enough concrete to…

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Added by mellowpuma on December 3, 2010 at 4:30pm — 20 Comments

Those Were Different Times #96

Those Were Different Times #96

Introducing: Viva Les Crepes with Chef Claude Plamondon.

Results:

8. It was supposed to be titled "Viva Les Creeps."

-Gerhardguffaw

7. Try the many fillings like Valium, Prozac and Vicodin.

-drwho

6. The women were disappointed when Chef Plamondon unknowingly cooked a Sham-Wow®

-chuckkling

5.5. Everyone is shocked at Claude's announcement of his plan to become…

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Added by mellowpuma on December 1, 2010 at 10:30am — 18 Comments

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