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Mellowpuma's Blog (309)

Those Were Different Times #365

Those Were Different Times #365

Added by mellowpuma on August 20, 2017 at 12:59am — No Comments

Those Were Different Times #364

Those Were Different Times #364

Added by mellowpuma on August 20, 2017 at 12:58am — No Comments

Lives Matter.

Lives Matter.

Blue lives matter, sure, yes.  All lives matter, yup.  Black lives (also) matter, yes.  So we agree. 

So when neo nazis and white supremacists (apparently emboldened by the president) kill a white lady and two policemen in Charlottesville South Carolina Virginia on August 12'th, 2017, how do all these protesters not unify against our president and white supremacists?   Apparently,…

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Added by mellowpuma on August 16, 2017 at 5:30am — 2 Comments

Those Were Different Times #362

Those Were Different Times #362

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5. It's a sad ending. Let's just say the sequel is called Cowboy Boots.

-Rotwang

4. If you've seen him lately, it looks like the Gator got him.

-Iverneil

3. It was all fun and games until he learned he'd got GatorAIDS.

-Mario!!!

2. Also starring Lauren Hutten, an actress best known for holding the record of "Worlds Shortest Asscrack".

-MadAdam

1. Spoiler Alert:…

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Added by mellowpuma on July 29, 2017 at 2:30pm — 16 Comments

Those Were Different Times #363

Those Were Different Times #363

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5. He was a Seminole in college, which is equally awful.

-JJJ23

4. If you're a fan, you should really check out the director's cut on Blu-ray. It has deleted scenes, commentary by Sergio Corbucci and 35% more racism.

-Mario!!!

3. I went to go see it but they told me I needed Reservations

-Iverneil

2. I love the part where Chief Soaring T. Justice say's "Junior, when we…

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Added by mellowpuma on July 29, 2017 at 2:30pm — 12 Comments

Those Were Different Times #361

Those Were Different Times #361

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3. They were very fashionable until a coed drowned in her vomit.

-RoadKillHairPiece

2. They enjoy coneilingus

-Iverneil

1. The Pointier Sisters

-MacSpruce…

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Added by mellowpuma on June 22, 2017 at 1:00pm — 21 Comments

Those Were Different Times #360

Those Were Different Times #360

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Its his fifth book, He started with "How to Date Supermodels"

5. Spurned over his facial psoriasis condition, Larry picked up what he thought said "How to pick up Rashy women"

-Iverneil

4. The Silence of the Gams

-Rotwang

3.  Trying to pretend you're Zorro won't do it.

-RoadKillHairPiece

Like a six-pack – with your thumb and middle finger...

2.  Just refuse…

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Added by mellowpuma on June 22, 2017 at 1:00pm — 20 Comments

Those Were Different Times #359

Those Were Different Times #359

Results:

and the special I'M HERE TO ASK YOU ONE QUESTION, AND ONE QUESTION ONLY.  ANIMATIONS??? award goes to:

-MacSpruce



6. Hey!... My Eyes Are Up Here...

-38chrysler

5. Early female super heroes really got the short…

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Added by mellowpuma on April 11, 2017 at 8:30pm — 28 Comments

Those Were Different Times #358

Those Were Different Times #358

Results:



4. I Like Big Bulbs and I Can Not Lie...

-38shrysler

3. Wow, Those lights are even inflating my inner tube

-Iverneil

2.87. If you were fortunate enough to remove her asbestos bra, you were blinded by her beauty.

2. As she got older, her headlamps were referred to as waistlamps.

-RoadKillHairPiece

1. Alright honey, I got the antlers attached to my head now run at me…

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Added by mellowpuma on April 11, 2017 at 8:30pm — 28 Comments

Those Were Different Times #357

Those Were Different Times #357

Results: 

and the special Inside Scoop Award goes to:

"Give this to aunt Harriet, and..."

"Who?"

"Aunt Harriet"

"Huh..."

-RunSilent RunDeep

3. Bat Bites – An important source of rabies

-MacSpruce

2. "No thanks, Batman! Just give me a pound of bacon and a hooker!"

-Gerhardguffaw

1. Was Robin Berries too implausible?

-VomitFlop…

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Added by mellowpuma on April 11, 2017 at 8:30pm — 23 Comments

Those Were Different Times #355

Those Were Different Times #355

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5. "You morons. It says clearly on the bottle for ages 7 to Up."

-VomitFlop

4. He smiled right up to the explosion

-Iverneil

3. Oh what a cute little sprite he isn't.

-Rotwang

2. When asked by a group of parents what the "it" that it "does" was 7up responded that they couldn't disclose that information, but that if your child has begun drinking 7up he or she should…

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Added by mellowpuma on March 9, 2017 at 9:00pm — 19 Comments

Those Were Different Times #356

Those Were Different Times #356

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5. Masturbaters in hell, son, that's what.

-Rotwang

4.8. "Well, son, no matter what your older brother keeps saying, it's not his mixtape."

4. "What is with you & all these rhetorical questions?"

-VomitFlop

3. Napalm son, but I don't want to talk about it.

-Iverneil



2.75. Your mother's lies.

2. It's fueled by my disappointment in you, now eat your fucking…

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Added by mellowpuma on March 9, 2017 at 9:00pm — 36 Comments

Those Were Different Times #354

Those Were Different Times #354

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6. When you're done beatin' the monkey, why don't we head over yonder and milk the cow.

-RoadKillHairPiece

5. Cleetus Tucker: Captain of the 1954 Arkansas State Varsity Hambone and Spanking Team

-Mario!!

4. Wally lettered in Monkey Business.

-Gerhardguffaw

3. So you're a Rebel, I'm impressed

-Iverneil

2. "I don't think that's gonna make George less…

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Added by mellowpuma on March 9, 2017 at 9:00pm — 25 Comments

Those Were Different Times #351

Those Were Different Times #351

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8. Even though he couldn't skate, Salvador could do a mean Figure 8.Even though he couldn't skate, Salvador could do a mean Figure 8.

-Gerardguffaw

7. I mustache you a question... Does this make me look stupid?

-38chrysler

6. There's no way it's 8 o'clock, that thing's broken.

-JJJ23

5. All Dali'ed up and nowhere to go

-Iverneil

4. One of the infinite…

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Added by mellowpuma on February 17, 2017 at 1:30pm — 19 Comments

Those Were Different Times #353

Those Were Different Times #353

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6. And stay there because you died.

-JJJ23

5.9. Coughalung Cassidy

5.6. Dude is always hanging around that Rest Stop

5. Come to marble row.

-iverneil

4. Enjoys the company of chaps over women.

-Gerhardguffaw

3. Smokepack Mountain

-VomitFlop

2.1. His pickup line is: One lung but well hung.

2. Says the purpose of lungs is…

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Added by mellowpuma on February 17, 2017 at 1:30pm — 17 Comments

Those Were Different Times #352

Those Were Different Times #352

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10. Gives new meaning to trophy wife.

-Gerhardguffaw

9. For the trophy husband, who just can't say goodbye.

-RunSilentRunDeep

8. Newly available from Amazon Crime.

-VomitFlop

7. Primarily marketed to serial killers and Wilt Chamberlain.

-RoadKillHairPiece

6. Big dame hunting.

-Rotwang

5. Newly available from Amazon Crime.

-VomitFlop

4.…

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Added by mellowpuma on February 17, 2017 at 1:30pm — 22 Comments

Those Were Different Times #350

Those Were Different Times #350

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6. Dick was a graduate of Ball State.

-GerhardGuffaw

5. Be right with you – soon as I finish polishing my helmet.

-MacSpruce

4.34. Dick felt he had spent enough time in the Browns, he found the play dirty down there in Cleveland and didn't like the smell from all the steamers.

4. I remember something the great head coach Chuck Noll said once about Dick, he looked me dead in…

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Added by mellowpuma on February 5, 2017 at 11:30pm — 13 Comments

Those Were Different Times #351

Those Were Different Times #351 

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4. A no holes barred look at current affairs- 'Around the World, with Fair Hooker' This week, going down under.

-RunSilent RunDeep

3. He can handle a one yard penilty.

-Rotwang

2.4. Sadly his career was cut short, partly because, although he had great hands his poor route running made him hard to find.

Plus there was that time his pimp threw him from a moving car on the…

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Added by mellowpuma on February 5, 2017 at 11:30pm — 13 Comments

Those Were Different Times #349

Those Were Different Times #349

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5.3.  He's gonna be mad when he finds out that's not a banana in your pocket.

5. When I told you to bring some "Protection", that's not exactly what I had in mind...



-38chrysler

4.832157. Darling, what if it's true? What if a gorilla with rabbit ears did escape from the biolab?

4. I don't know where the inspiration came from, but I'm going to invent furry…

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Added by mellowpuma on February 5, 2017 at 11:30pm — 17 Comments

Memories Of The Old Country

Memories Of The Old Country

1. Good, good. Now show me double handjob. Whatta ya mean 'why'? It adds to the mystery, and don't question my artistic direction, mother fucker. I'll tell EVERYBODY who the 'mystery singer' is and then what do you have??? NOTHING! You're fucking nothing without this…

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Added by mellowpuma on January 18, 2017 at 9:30pm — 8 Comments

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