Mellowpuma's Blog (359)

Unless lot of people do my press conferences, and say my name a lot, i'm opening the country, and your parents and your grandparents might die. also this is like 911 or a war or something.   just kidding, your grandparents will…

Those Were Different Times #411

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2. Because by supporting socialized medicine you're just encouraging the spread of socialized diseases.

-MacSpruce

1. "Mr. Gorbachev, tear down these hospitals!"

-Mario!!!…

Those Were Different Times #410

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2. and then nothing else, forever.

-jjj23

1. Step away from the trunk Jeb, we’re concerned about your actions prior to “Seeing the light

-Iverneil…

Those Were Different Times #408

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5. I'm impressed. Even with music on, I usually need to use at least my hand.

-Mario!!!

4. … now if we could just figure out how to play it…

They're also into colonial irrigation.

-MacSpruce

3. We hope you like glissandos!"

-Ian

2. They're rhythm methodists.

-JJJ23

Never mind the bollocks, here's the Sex Whistles.

1.…

Those Were Different Times #409

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and the special "Solemn Gravitas" award goes to:

Somehow I know deep down that The Dirty Midget would win this one, hands down...may god bless his dirty soul.

-iverneil

His “playboys” are his balls.

4. John was mad that they didn’t use the “edgier” photo of him.

-Iverneil

3.0001 BEATLES IN THE COURT

(WITH…

Those Were Different Times #407

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5. But you can call me Angst

-Iverneil

4. At the last moment, the panicked record company had to remove the word "hole" from the title.

-VomitFlop

Are you telling me Santa isn't real??

3. He had to change his name to Loser Old in 1983.

-Rotwang

2. Confused James Dean approves.

-JJJ23 

1. Deleted tracks:

(Let Me Be Your) Beast…

Those Were Different Times #406

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6. In case you were wondering, not only do the curtains match the drapes, but they're totally shagged.

-Mario

5. Includes the hit... "Viagra Falls!"

-Gerhardguffaw

4. "Ma'am, as your doctor, I must unfortunately inform you that it's not just fire & it's also not just primarily located down below.

-VomitFlop

3. Perfect! Because I have a firehose down below.…

Those Were Different Times #405

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5. The strong anti-capitalism album featuring, "Pootin' on the Rich."

-KariGrant

4. When she did a pirouette four people died.

-Rotwang

3. "Go ahead, punk, make my pilé!"

-Mario!!!

2. "Some days I feel, you know, not so fresh. So I shoot anybody that notices."

-MacSpruce

1. Translation: "Is your cat stuck up a tree? Call the professionals:…

Those Were Different Times #404

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6. Ironically, the album had zero hits.

-Mario!!

5. This is worse than pussy grabbing.

-KariGrant

Featuring “My punch runneth over with love”

4. Fist come, fist served

-Iverneil

Hole Miner's Farter

3. "And Others", is one of the better country songs you'll ever hear about stretching a butthole.

-JJJ23

Twisted Fister

"Oh, the fisticity!"

2. First…

Those Were Different Times #403

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4. "Damn Jenny, I told you air-hockey was dangerous for girls!"

-Ian

3. Jenny just couldn't stop falling for the old telescope black eye prank.

-Mervin

2. Her album was in the lead until she was beaten out by Chris Brown.

-Iverneil

1. Poor Jenny can't afford another pack of Tareytons.

-MacSpruce…

Those Were Different Times #402

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3. Well Pam, first you need to step back from your expectation of finding a husband with the head of a cartoon dog and the body of a snake.

-JJJ23

2. Sadly for Pam, she always ends up being the girl people opt to kill when given a choice.

-Mario!!!

1. Try ISIS.

-Iverneil…

Those Were Different Times #401

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5. "Fifty NOs and a YES means YES."

-Ian

4. She would later star in the sequel, Dr. No Means No!

-Mario!!!

3. ♫Fieldings. Nothing more than ♫ fieldings...

-Karigrant

2. Song 1: We're Not A Great Spy Team

-JJJ23

1. When he shakes her she doesn't stir – the good old Cosby martini!

-MacSpruce    (oof, that's hard)…

Those Were Different Times #400

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4, The Incredible Husk.

-Karigrant

3. The real reason Dr Frankenstein's monster went ballistic, this was his junk.

-Mervin97

2, Do you guys have any idea how many "rotten wang" caps I'm not typing?

-rotwang

1. Then Dorothy asked “But scarecrow!! I thought you wanted a heart??”

-iverneil…

Those Were Different Times #399

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3,"Stop trying to brainwash us with the power of suggestion, Oliver Stone!"

-VomitFlop

2. Sure it's effective, but it does require quite a lot of self-amputation.

-Mario!!!

1. "...I'm going to say one word: Plastics. That's all you're allowed to eat now."

-Ian…

Those Were Different Times #398

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3. That game received a very spoor rating.

-Iverneil

"Well, the thing is, they aren't exactly being propelled by jetpacks."

"Also coming soon to the Smegma Genesis!"

2. Pooper Mario Bros.

-VomitFlop

No one messes with this powerful squat. -I mean squad.

1. That's it, private, you are relieved of your dookie!

-Rotwang…

Those Were Different Times #397

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When it came to spreading Christmas Cheer, they really phoned it in back in the Fifties.

4. Not to be confused with "Hanukkah up Your Ass."

-Mario!!!

"Pardon me, sir, but what is a Jerky boy?"

3. "CF phone home."

-VomitFlop

2. ...would prove to be the cause of death, clogging both the aorta and the jugular with pine needles, bits of glass ornaments and eggnog.

-Ian

1. "I…

Those Were Different Times #396

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--- a blue christmas ... ---

3. He had a round little belly that shook when he laughed like a bowl full of jizz.

-KariGrant

It was Santa's last stop of the night and he emptied his sack.

2. Santa always comes in December, and sometimes he comes in Mae.

-MacSpruce

1. ♪ Don't stand so Claus to me. ♪

-VomitFlop…

Those Were Different Times #395

4. "Yes, there were giant toilet paper rolls in space."

-Ian

3. One small step for man-on-mankind.

-Rotwang

2. Featuring the Yiddish hit, "Somewhere Oy Vey, the Rainbow.

-KariGrant

1. From the folks who brought you George S. Patton Ocean Cloud Pancakes.

-JJJ23…

Those Were Different Times #394

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5. No more piano lessons, mom.

-Rotwang

4. Even after fully militarizing in the streets the spotlight continued to elude Kane.

-Ian

3. Featuring the hit' "I've Never Heard Of This Rambo Character, I have No Idea What You're Talking About" and the the ballad "Second Blood".

-JJJ23

2. Sorry no shirt no solo.

-Mervin97

1.0001. Gland on the…

A Summary of the Kavanaugh Hearing by a Victim of Fraternity Rush Week Roof to Pool Diving Circa 1983

so a bunch of nerd senators are going after kdog because of some weird female hysteria.

then it's like, ok, she seemed scared when she was talking to the…