Mellowpuma's Blog (304)

Those Were Different Times #361

Those Were Different Times #360

Those Were Different Times #359

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and the special I'M HERE TO ASK YOU ONE QUESTION, AND ONE QUESTION ONLY.  ANIMATIONS??? award goes to:

-MacSpruce

6. Hey!... My Eyes Are Up Here...

-38chrysler

5. Early female super heroes really got the short…

Those Were Different Times #358

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4. I Like Big Bulbs and I Can Not Lie...

-38shrysler

3. Wow, Those lights are even inflating my inner tube

-Iverneil

2.87. If you were fortunate enough to remove her asbestos bra, you were blinded by her beauty.

2. As she got older, her headlamps were referred to as waistlamps.

-RoadKillHairPiece

1. Alright honey, I got the antlers attached to my head now run at me…

Those Were Different Times #357

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and the special Inside Scoop Award goes to:

"Give this to aunt Harriet, and..."

"Who?"

"Aunt Harriet"

"Huh..."

-RunSilent RunDeep

3. Bat Bites – An important source of rabies

-MacSpruce

2. "No thanks, Batman! Just give me a pound of bacon and a hooker!"

-Gerhardguffaw

1. Was Robin Berries too implausible?

-VomitFlop…

Those Were Different Times #355

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5. "You morons. It says clearly on the bottle for ages 7 to Up."

-VomitFlop

4. He smiled right up to the explosion

-Iverneil

3. Oh what a cute little sprite he isn't.

-Rotwang

2. When asked by a group of parents what the "it" that it "does" was 7up responded that they couldn't disclose that information, but that if your child has begun drinking 7up he or she should…

Those Were Different Times #356

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5. Masturbaters in hell, son, that's what.

-Rotwang

4.8. "Well, son, no matter what your older brother keeps saying, it's not his mixtape."

4. "What is with you & all these rhetorical questions?"

-VomitFlop

3. Napalm son, but I don't want to talk about it.

-Iverneil

2.75. Your mother's lies.

2. It's fueled by my disappointment in you, now eat your fucking…

Those Were Different Times #354

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6. When you're done beatin' the monkey, why don't we head over yonder and milk the cow.

-RoadKillHairPiece

5. Cleetus Tucker: Captain of the 1954 Arkansas State Varsity Hambone and Spanking Team

-Mario!!

4. Wally lettered in Monkey Business.

-Gerhardguffaw

3. So you're a Rebel, I'm impressed

-Iverneil

2. "I don't think that's gonna make George less…

Those Were Different Times #351

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8. Even though he couldn't skate, Salvador could do a mean Figure 8.Even though he couldn't skate, Salvador could do a mean Figure 8.

-Gerardguffaw

7. I mustache you a question... Does this make me look stupid?

-38chrysler

6. There's no way it's 8 o'clock, that thing's broken.

-JJJ23

5. All Dali'ed up and nowhere to go

-Iverneil

4. One of the infinite…

Those Were Different Times #353

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6. And stay there because you died.

-JJJ23

5.9. Coughalung Cassidy

5.6. Dude is always hanging around that Rest Stop

5. Come to marble row.

-iverneil

4. Enjoys the company of chaps over women.

-Gerhardguffaw

3. Smokepack Mountain

-VomitFlop

2.1. His pickup line is: One lung but well hung.

2. Says the purpose of lungs is…

Those Were Different Times #352

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10. Gives new meaning to trophy wife.

-Gerhardguffaw

9. For the trophy husband, who just can't say goodbye.

-RunSilentRunDeep

8. Newly available from Amazon Crime.

-VomitFlop

7. Primarily marketed to serial killers and Wilt Chamberlain.

-RoadKillHairPiece

6. Big dame hunting.

-Rotwang

5. Newly available from Amazon Crime.

-VomitFlop

4.…

Those Were Different Times #350

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6. Dick was a graduate of Ball State.

-GerhardGuffaw

5. Be right with you – soon as I finish polishing my helmet.

-MacSpruce

4.34. Dick felt he had spent enough time in the Browns, he found the play dirty down there in Cleveland and didn't like the smell from all the steamers.

4. I remember something the great head coach Chuck Noll said once about Dick, he looked me dead in…

Those Were Different Times #351 

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4. A no holes barred look at current affairs- 'Around the World, with Fair Hooker' This week, going down under.

-RunSilent RunDeep

3. He can handle a one yard penilty.

-Rotwang

2.4. Sadly his career was cut short, partly because, although he had great hands his poor route running made him hard to find.

Plus there was that time his pimp threw him from a moving car on the…

Those Were Different Times #349

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Resutls:

5.3.  He's gonna be mad when he finds out that's not a banana in your pocket.

5. When I told you to bring some "Protection", that's not exactly what I had in mind...



-38chrysler

4.832157. Darling, what if it's true? What if a gorilla with rabbit ears did escape from the biolab?

4. I don't know where the inspiration came from, but I'm going to invent furry…

Memories Of The Old Country

1. Good, good. Now show me double handjob. Whatta ya mean 'why'? It adds to the mystery, and don't question my artistic direction, mother fucker. I'll tell EVERYBODY who the 'mystery singer' is and then what do you have??? NOTHING! You're fucking nothing without this…

Those Were Different Times #348

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4. 1959. Now eat your toast and start preparing dinner!

-Gerhardguffaw

3.5. Original Prozac advertisement- unveiled!

3. Gifts from your man, that you really didn't want?- Break out the 'O" face.

-RunSilent RunDeep

2.5. You mean now I don't have to iron your bread anymore honey?

2.1. The ladies locked in the basement could now have toast and water…

Those Were Different Times #347

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3. Go ahead, climb in kid, the toast is clear.

-Iverneil

2. It was the best of times and it was the worst of times in, "The Crust Belt."

-Gerhardguffaw

1.000001. They know which side their bread is buttered on, but there's some confusion about which side of the window the blinds go on.

1. Are you the Toastmaster? I am the grade-eight…

Those Were Different Times #345

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5. When the transatlantic pipeline connected with the transpacific pipeline, let's just say it was... explosive.

-Rotwang

4. "What Paul Bunyan does on his days off is really none of our business, don't cha think?"

-VomitFlop

3.24. Nothing homoerotic to see here, folks. No siree! Just a perfectly respectable message featuring a naked man with a huge hose, brought to you by the…

Those Were Different Times #346

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7. Sometimes you just need to get a bigger Wench Wrench...

-38chrysler

6. For me it's more like WD-40-year-old. *sigh*

-Rotwang

To no ones surprise, WD stood for Wet Dick

5. It comes in a can.

-Iverneil

4. Ladies love it when your dick smells like an old ratchet.

-JJJ23

3. And after those coitus surprises.....Try Goo Gone!!!!!!

-Bill…

Those Were Different Times #343

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6. Space... The Final Drive-Thru.

-Gerhardguffaw

5. Close Encounters of the Turd Kind

-Ian

4. Mac Tonight, scat tomorrow.

-Rotwang

3. The ensuing lawsuit Ray Charles filed against McDonald's over this ad led to speculation that he was faking blindness.

-JJJ23

Don't worry Moon... It's just a Phase you are going through.

2. You shouldn't worry about the Moon when eating at…