Comedy Whirled

KariGrant's Blog – October 2012 Archive (8)

What Sucks about Trick or Treating in the Big Apple

Wet popcorn balls.

Floating Baby Ruths are not Baby Ruths.

Getting to the next house.

Dodging debris.

Mom won't let you use the flashlight. Mom's special flashlight. The one that hums.

The man in 6B always flashes you for "the treat."

You can't swim.

Roaches can swim.

After eating your treats, mom makes you wait thirty minutes before going out to play.

Mandatory evacuation.

Added by KariGrant on October 29, 2012 at 9:30am — 20 Comments

Games for Halloween Parties:

Bobbing for plums in the hot tub.

Pass the hair.

Guess what’s dripping in the box.

Guess what’s that smell?

Decomposing music.

Chutes and body bags.

Trivial pursuit of another victim.

Tag, you’re next.

Hide and try not to whimper.

Guess the pizza ingredients.

Added by KariGrant on October 25, 2012 at 12:50pm — 18 Comments

Things you can do with a pumpkin:

Pretend you’re pregnant.

Pretend you’re birthing a baby.

Pretend you’re Quasimoto.

Tie it to your foot and walk awkwardly.

Use guts of it to pretend you’re puking.

Decent catapult ammo.

Use for an “other world” globe.

Drop from tall buildings and let gravity make sidewalk art.

Experiment with electricity.

Makes a good punch bowl.

Makes a bad aquarium.

Added by KariGrant on October 23, 2012 at 7:59am — 10 Comments

Less Popular Halloween Costumes

Blueberry Pop-tart with a Third Eye.

Gingivitis.

ET with VD.

Count Crackulahead.

Hello, Rabid Kitty.

Tweety Turd.

Super-pimple.

Raggedy Yam.

My Little Pirannah.

Frankenbenstein.

Added by KariGrant on October 21, 2012 at 7:47pm — 21 Comments

Other endorsements Lance lost

His own, on the backs of Nike checks.

Mormon Tabernacle Choir.

Dopey at Disneyworld.

No longer Bicycle Spokesman. Now Spokes man at Arnold's Bike repair shop.

Chuck Norris.

Cancer. Still has endorsement from Scorpio and two attaboys from Saggitarius.

Michelin.

Air.

Now only touring Franks & Buns.

Lindsey Lohan.

The Dirty Midget.

 

Added by KariGrant on October 17, 2012 at 11:03pm — 11 Comments

Felix Baumgartner Record-Setting Jump's alternate landing sites

Atop the Comedy Whirled Blimp.

Big Mama's Ass.

A deep vat of Jello.

The Hershey factory.

Three Mile Island.

Ben & Jerry's.

Miley's sex tape #2.

The Serta factory.

Budweiser's #43 vat.

The set of Cupcake Wars.

Added by KariGrant on October 14, 2012 at 2:58pm — 33 Comments

Rejected Music for Films:

Pinworms from Heaven,

Stingin’ in the Rain,

Somewhere Over the Tebow,

If I Were a Bitch, Man, 

The Sound of Muzak,

Puttin’ on the Rinse,

Stink the Bismark,

Manshattan,

Stormy Tether,

Porn Free,

Added by KariGrant on October 4, 2012 at 9:47am — 17 Comments

Things October Doesn't Celebrate

October Fist.

October Fistula.

October Vest.

October Faust.

October Foot.

October Floyd.

October Fuse.

October Noodle.

October Fracking.

October Zoning.

Added by KariGrant on October 2, 2012 at 7:02pm — 12 Comments

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