With the NFL lockout finally coming to an end this week,…Continue
Added by Van Full of Candy on July 29, 2011 at 4:10pm — No Comments
What is the only thing more dangerous than washing down a quart of vodka with a gallon of gin? NOT doing that exact thing.
Amy Winehouse, VOICE of a TENTH of a generation and general pile of human mess,…Continue
So this weekend was big for the former actress known as Marilyn Monroe. Not only did the classy city of Chicago erect a 27 foot "upskirt" statue of Marilyn in…Continue
Human beings have kind of a sick obsession with dead bodies.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not a monster, I get that the rapidly decaying, lifeless corpse over there used to belong to someone you had some fondness for. But at no point forward will that bio degrading fleshy mound of used ta was, ever do anything again that it used to do when previously possessed by the life force of who ever they aren’t anymore. Tickle it all you’d like, it ain’t never gonna giggle that unmistakable…Continue
During a session of love-seat-lounging yesterday, something dawned on me as I watched the "news" on my thin-black-box-of-tummy-plumping'ness. I realized that a good ol' "pie in the face" has never lost its charm, AND, the most important realization, was that getting "pied" is the ultimate form of putdownery that you really can inflict on thine enemies.…
Added by Van Full of Candy on July 20, 2011 at 3:23pm — No Comments
There are so many unknowns in this world. So many things that live with us every day, unseen, thought lost or having not even yet been discovered by man. The great mysteries of the world we live in intrigue us every day, push explorers toward the outer reaches of our understanding and beyond. What is it about these great, elusive creatures that sparks the imagination, drives the soul and compels us to shoot them in the fucking face?
El Chupacabra is dead, long live El…Continue
A heterosexual black male, a gay white male, and a filthy hillbilly male walk into a bar. The bartender says, "We don't serve your type here". The three men look at each other in confusion, turn to the bartender and say, "Which one of us are you talking to"? And that there my friends lies the question of the day ... Who was the bartender talking to?
The answer to this question will have many different answers depending on your own upbringing, beliefs, judgements, and what-not's. The…Continue
Added by Van Full of Candy on July 18, 2011 at 3:07pm — No Comments
Soon helmet giveaways at the ballpark won’t just be novelty promotions, but mandatory equipment given out before every game to protect lunatics from accidentally murdering themselves diving from rafters for collectible garbage.
I don’t know if you’ve heard the news, but there’s a hot new trend at the nation’s basedballing sport complexes: face diving onto cement from heights unsurvivable!
Last week at a Texas Rangers game, nearly seventy-five percent of the fans in attendance…Continue
And on this day, when Slurpees are free, I am always brought to tears
I drive around to dozens of 7-11’s today all within my town
Getting my fix of sugar and artificial color…Continue
What the hell is going on with TSA these days? A couple of months ago they were searching for bombs in baby's diapers, then they moved on recently to searching for bombs in a 90 year old's Depends Undergarment. But now ... NOW ... they're going to need to start fondling all the ladies with implants. Very smart TSA, VERY ... SMART IN-DEED! Now if you'll excuse…Continue