Comedy Whirled

June 2011 Blog Posts (28)

If you could bring back a show you loved or cancel one now that you hate which ones, and why?

I say bring MadTV back. What say you?

Added by JJJ23 on June 30, 2011 at 9:30pm — 4 Comments

Happy Birthday iPhone, You Skinny Bitch

Wow, I can’t believe that it’s been four whole years since we started dating. It only seems like yesterday when your camera only had 2 megapixels and you still had your cute baby fat which I was really attracted to. You were such a simpler girlfriend back then, so much nicer, you used to be so attentive to my needs, God I miss those days. Over the years you’ve changed. You started working out,…

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Added by Van Full of Candy on June 29, 2011 at 2:25pm — 2 Comments

Sunday, Monday (Not So) Happy Days

The safe, happy go lucky, fun, Americana days of television have decided to not lie dormant in our hearts as a great television series any longer. No, the wonderful show Happy Days has been recently infected with the long battled disease of HollywoodyWantyMoney Flu, and has decided to enter into the 21st century of jaded actors and frivilous lawsuits.

The epitome of the American family was…

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Added by Van Full of Candy on June 27, 2011 at 2:22pm — No Comments

Ole Shep

Here's a little tale I wrote. Enjoy!                                                                    

Ole Shep



This is the story of Ole Shep, yes, Ole Shep. He was a Retriever (yella they say) who belonged to a farmer by the name of George Peterson, down in Walterhill, Tennessee. Well…

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Added by Donairs on June 26, 2011 at 9:00am — 5 Comments

how to deal with racism.

It’s so hard to know what’s kosher to say with this generation, what with the P.C. police acting like the S.S. nowadays.

 

 

And I think the world would be a better place if we would just admit that we all are a little racist.

 

Every time a W.A.S.P. whispers, “I don’t see color” an angel dies.

 

Seriously, it’s true. Just like when it thunders angels are bowling and when there is a sun shower the devil is beating his wife. This is how science…

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Added by natalie paige on June 23, 2011 at 5:19am — 6 Comments

If time stood still







Yesterday morning while getting ready to go to work, it seemed the clock was stuck on 6:26 a.m. I messed around for what felt like several minutes, and glanced back at it again. Still 6:26. I finally sat down and just stared at it. I began to wonder if time had really stopped for me. Finally, after what seemed like minutes later, it changed to 6:27. Then, in no time at all, it was 6:35, and I had to hustle not to be late for work.…

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Added by Bubba Licious on June 22, 2011 at 2:15am — 3 Comments

Can I get a Pack of Crusty Lung Light Menthol 100 Extra Slims Please?

Good news everybody! It's still legal to suck disease straight down your throat, and it just got a whole lot sexier!



Word came down today that the smooth, rich flavor that just makes life worth living is now going to come in new, "edgier" goth doom packaging. Adorned in "labels that depict in graphic detail the negative health effects of tobacco use... the corpse of a smoker, diseased lungs, and a mother holding her baby with smoke swirling around them"…

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Added by Van Full of Candy on June 21, 2011 at 5:29pm — No Comments

An Open Letter To Katy Perry & Kenny G. - "Last Friday Night"

Don't worry, I'll get those uncomfortable bottoms off of you soon enough!

 

Dear Super-Hott Katy Perry & That Spiral Permed Douchebag Kenny G.:

I was so fuckin' pissed quite…

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Added by Van Full of Candy on June 20, 2011 at 1:47pm — No Comments

Anarchgay in the USA

Every time a gay thinks about marrying, God gets punched in the taint by the Devil and a kitten sucks a dick.



Footballman Tyree, famous for holding ball to his head doesn't want two men to legally do same under God.

 

Footballman Tyree, famous for holding ball to his head doesn't want two men to legally do same under God.



A same-sex marriage bill is currently… Continue

Added by Van Full of Candy on June 16, 2011 at 3:35pm — 1 Comment

Montel Williams Wants To Get You Stoned

Let's make a smoothie outta this beotch

So Montel William's television show, monotonously named, "The Montel William's Show" ended a few years ago. Not that anybody had any…

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Added by Van Full of Candy on June 15, 2011 at 3:32pm — 1 Comment

Science Hates Your Balls: The War on Sperm

Scientists, in laboratories all over the globe, are busy thinking of new and hilarious ways to make mice fucking even more pointless. But don't laugh too hard at blank shooting rodents, because science'll be coming for your testicles next!



On your mark, get set, SPLOOGE!

On your mark, get set,…

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Added by Van Full of Candy on June 15, 2011 at 8:34am — No Comments

Drunk, Homeless, German Man Wins NBA Championship

How much King Cobra can I get with this?

Move over LeBron James, there's a new King in town, and he goes by the name "Dirk". This seven foot homeless man from Germany reeks of malt liquor, sleeps in alleys, but by dumb…

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Added by Van Full of Candy on June 13, 2011 at 3:27pm — 2 Comments

Your #2 Is NOTHING For Our New Toilets !!

No thanks, I'll just shit my pants tonight.

Indestructible toilets ... finally!!!

Not only can these toilets from the future take the blast of a terrorist bomb, but I can finally piss on the lid and have absolutely no guilt.…

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Added by Van Full of Candy on June 9, 2011 at 12:05am — 2 Comments

Those Were Different Times #144 now with less negligence!

Those Were Different Times #144

Introducing: DAVID CASSIDY "THE HIGHER THEY CLIMB"

--------------------------

Incredibly late results:

 

 

16. Obviously there are strings holding him up.

-Buttermilk

(Strings of boy magic!)

 

15. ... the more their brains are starved of oxygen and the more delusional they become about the relevance and importance of pretty boy pop stars in the wider world.

-MacSpruce

(Is he flying to the…

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Added by mellowpuma on June 8, 2011 at 5:30pm — 29 Comments

Weiner's Wiener: 'He Jacked Me, I Hacked Him'

   In yet another shocking turn of events in the ongoing Anthony Weiner Twitter scandal, the congressman’s penis has come forward to take responsibility for the risqué messages.

           

  “I can say, with certitude, that I sent those pictures, and they…

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Added by Ryan on June 7, 2011 at 6:20pm — No Comments

Quote of the day...

"People are afraid of themselves, of their own reality; their feelings most of all.

 

People talk about how great love is, but that’s bullshit. Love hurts. Feelings are disturbing. People are taught that pain is evil and dangerous. How can they deal with love if they’re afraid to feel?

 

Pain is meant to wake us up. People try to hide their pain. But they’re wrong. Pain is something to carry, like a radio. You feel your strength in the experience of pain. It’s all…

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Added by LizzyQ on June 7, 2011 at 4:42pm — 4 Comments

Weiner-Bush Ticket Ready for 2012 Election

Governor Jeb Bush and Congressman Anthony Weiner have joined forces in a run for the White House. The ticket will be referred to as the Weiner-Bush ticket! More to come later.

Added by Greg Milano on June 7, 2011 at 2:00pm — 5 Comments

iMod for Twitter



 

Coming very soon is an app/program called iMod®.  It will enable idiots to sound literally credible when tweeting their bullshit as well as protect celebrities from themselves.  The comment self-moderation tolerances will be adjusted to fit the user's profession.  A comedian's will be at 1 or 2 filter strength. …

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Added by Ian on June 6, 2011 at 7:30pm — No Comments

my worst fear.

My biggest fear if I ever become a successful comedian with my own television special (now this wouldn’t be for a long time seeing as I still need to do the whole “stand-up” part) is the inevitable fact that some guy I’ve screwed is going to be flipping through the channels, recognize my face/shrill voice/cankles, turn to the first person next to him, whether it a roommate/stranger/cellmate and say:

 

“Dude…fucked her.”

 

And now, it’s not really the guy I screwed…

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Added by natalie paige on June 6, 2011 at 7:26pm — 4 Comments

Wow! What A Wiener, Weiner!

I think the family photos in the background are a nice touch

New York Congressman, Anthony Weiner, decided he was going to show his pee-pee to some ladies on the interwebs. Apparently he thought women…

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Added by Van Full of Candy on June 6, 2011 at 4:57pm — No Comments

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