Comedy Whirled

May 2011 Blog Posts (37)

The Passion of the Casey

The Passion of the Casey

Jim McPartland

“Mad Rumblings” on Facebook

 

 

 

“When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze.”…

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Added by Jim McPartland on May 30, 2011 at 11:39pm — 1 Comment

Those Were Different Times #143

Those Were Different Times #143

Introducing: "PACHACAMAC - BOLETIN Y ELEGIA BE LAS MITAS"

RESULTAMUNDO:

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And the "Ohh My God, Someone Besides Me Knows What That Means Award" goes to:

In case anyone ever wondered what happened to Remo Williams, which isn't likely...

-Ian Renga



13. He's half the singer he used to be.

-JJJ23

11. Seniorita- Is that a new bikini or are you…

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Added by mellowpuma on May 30, 2011 at 12:00am — 28 Comments

My status updates always end up too long... so here's the condition my condition is in this PM.

Smiling feels good. Especially while catching up with old friends with pleasant white noise of a snoring hubby by my side... blissfully ignorant of the sound of my fingers typing on the keyboard next to him. I love the peacefulness of the night. Especially when the "whips and scorns of outrageous fortune" (WS) have laid to heavy upon my brow for too long during the glaring light of day.  I feel the muses' stir... but I must sleep first... my black cat cuddling and purring under my arm. For now,… Continue

Added by LizzyQ on May 27, 2011 at 11:00pm — 9 Comments

Happy Memorial Day Sale - Extra 15% Off + Free Shipping !!

Happy Summer Start Sale You Brave Shopping Soldiers

In honor of all those who have shopped all over this great land of freedom called America (The Mall Of), and for those who have died on the battlefields of miserably long…

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Added by Van Full of Candy on May 27, 2011 at 3:54pm — 2 Comments

Secret Baby Genitalia Are Destroying Our Country

Your child needs to be told by everyone exactly what their genitalia mean to them socially and psychologically but then must never, under any circumstances, ever actually be instructed on how to use them by anyone. Especially not with weird anatomically correctish stuffed toys... But we'll get to that...



You see, two equally and oppositely frustrating stories popped up in various newsy type web siteries recently that just made me want to tell everyone not directly involved with the…

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Added by Van Full of Candy on May 26, 2011 at 4:25pm — No Comments

How Much Would YOU Pay For An Ass Stabbing? But Wait, There's More!

The Hemorroid-Be-Gone 2000

Ok seriously China what the fuck is wrong with your peripheral neuropathy? I guess the better question to ask would be "what the fuck is wrong…

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Added by Van Full of Candy on May 25, 2011 at 1:40pm — No Comments

hmmm...this doesn't seem right...

 

My parents have been happily married for 33 years…disgusting, I know. Every time they kiss in my presence I want to vomit (and I usually do).

 

True love is so 90s, yet they seem immune to the social norms of our society…lame.

 

But what really confuses me is the adverse affect this situation has seemed to have had on my general psyche; my parents 33 years of happy fidelity has produced a “fear of…

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Added by natalie paige on May 25, 2011 at 7:28am — 2 Comments

Finally Science Gets it Right, Introducing: Handjob Bot

There are many ways to tell when you’ve finally become an unquestioned, dominant global super power. Maybe you’ve dropped a couple nuclear warheads on an enemy, kicked some dirt in their face and asked their quivering corpses, “Now what?!” Perhaps you export all of your worst social trappings to the four corners of the world and poison cultures with dreams of throwing away everything that’s made them special as a people in search of a dream of blue jeans and Coke-a-cola in a bottle. Either…

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Added by Van Full of Candy on May 24, 2011 at 2:00pm — 1 Comment

Oprah Winfrey, You're Still Here? CHRIST!!

The Farewell Season: Season 3

I could have sworn that a couple of years ago I heard commercial after commercial that Oprah's final season was happening, but even…

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Added by Van Full of Candy on May 23, 2011 at 5:10pm — 2 Comments

May 21st, 2011 ... It's Rapture Time Sinners !!

Ya'll Gonna Burn In Hell ... Me? Well I'm Goin' To Heaven Because I Am Nostradamus Jr.

Well as most of the world knows, tomorrow is the second coming of Christ, The Rapture, Judgement Day. Well ... according to Harold Camping. Ya'll…

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Added by Van Full of Candy on May 20, 2011 at 6:39pm — 2 Comments

Those Were Different Times #142

Those Were Different Times #142

Introducing "I AIN'T INTO THAT!" by THE RAPPIN' REVERENT DR. C. DEXTER WISE, III

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RESULTS:

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8. His doctorate is in The Funk.

-theDIRTYmidget

7. I see Rev. Wise has the "Shining". .

-drwho

6. U. Cleon Washington IV, the rival reverend / rappy-recording artist on the other side of town…

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Added by mellowpuma on May 18, 2011 at 9:30pm — 28 Comments

Look Who's Siiiiiiiiiiiingle !! The Shrivernegger

I think I'll use this one for Match.com

Ok guys calm down, CALM DOWN!! Please get in a single…

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Added by Van Full of Candy on May 18, 2011 at 2:31pm — No Comments

Defenders of Sexy Teachers



It's no secret that Van Full of Candy is a supporter of hot teachers. It's a brave, bold stance that we have long taken when ever a poor, misunderstood educator is arrested for doing things that we wish had been done to us in school. Of course we couldn't possibly defend EVERY apple polishing head mistress every time we heard about another one getting carted away. That would become a full…

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Added by Van Full of Candy on May 17, 2011 at 4:48pm — No Comments

3 QUESTS: hype Operation Smile, bring back Real Life film, give Don Rickles CW Citizen Award

I am on three quests and I invite you to join me.



One is deep, the other too shallow. I feel they all represent what COMEDY WHIRLED is about so I‘m bringing them to the table for discussion, persuasion, and action.



The first quest (which I have named THE FIRST QUEST), is to contribute to the OPERATION SMILE charity organization. (By contribute I mean to draw attention to this cause…

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Added by Tom O'Brien on May 16, 2011 at 8:00pm — 2 Comments

Be Stiff or Suck It ... Your Choice! Just Take a Picture and Show Us

What parents in their right mind would ever put their child in such a dangerous situation?

So the new fad of "planking" has become the one fun thing in this…

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Added by Van Full of Candy on May 16, 2011 at 3:42pm — No Comments

I'm not a healthy person....

…I get that…and quite honestly it’s the world that’s got an issue…not me.

 

But come on! It is way to hard to jump on that “I want to lead a healthy lifestyle” bandwagon when you can literally buy ice cream/tacos/tiny polish sausages wrapped in torillas and topped of with bacon bits and a dollop of mayo out of a fucking wagon….and for only a buck too! Well…a $1.50 if you order extra mayo.

 

And I’m sorry, but any bandwagon that can spray nacho cheese directly into…

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Added by natalie paige on May 16, 2011 at 6:48am — 2 Comments

Those Were Different Times #141: solid gold edition.

Introducing: "Do You Know Jesus?" by Unkle Les and Aunt Naney Wheeler. 

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SOLID GOLD RESULTS:

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and the "Ultimate Mutlimedia Award" goes to:…

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Added by mellowpuma on May 13, 2011 at 9:00pm — 30 Comments

Osama bin Jackin': Diary of the "Little Terrorist"'s Mind

Osama bin Laden was just like you and me. Wait. No. What I meant to say is that, you're no different than Osama bin Laden. NO! No, that's not it. Okay, let me start over.



 

Oh the naughty things that happen behind those walls..



Osama bin Laden's penis. It existed. So does yours. If you were born with…
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Added by Van Full of Candy on May 13, 2011 at 4:49pm — No Comments

seriously gentlemen...if you want to get laid...this is how...

 

Chivalry is dead. Do you get that? It’s fucking dead. Like it does not exist in our generation. Its definition on urbandictionary.com is an “Asian sexually transmitted disease”. People the age of 17-28 can’t even pronounce chivalry correctly…they get stuck on the second syllable…

 

“Shhe-viiiii…aw fuck it, I’m going to tell her to eat a dick and then she’ll totally want to bone.”

 

Side note: This is the real urbandictionary definition….” An idea…

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Added by natalie paige on May 13, 2011 at 9:45am — 2 Comments

Heinz Tomato Ketchup : It's Monkey Shit Bitch!!

What is this material "glass" of which you speak?

H.J. Heinz, the makers of America's most beloved ketchup, Heinz Tomato Ketchup (not Catsup), has officially announced that they will be selling the "glass bottle"…

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Added by Van Full of Candy on May 12, 2011 at 3:39pm — No Comments

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