Comedy Whirled

April 2012 Blog Posts (22)

Seen at the annual Spring Arts Festival



Damaging winds,



Flooding in low lying areas,


White noses,

Flower lined pathways made of muddy plywood,

Rippled and swollen art,


Added by KariGrant on April 30, 2012 at 7:00am — 5 Comments

Superheroes Who Didn't Make It In Hollywood

Flatulence Man,

The Incredible Honk,

Cogwheel Woman,

The Peuce Hornet,

Mayan Angelooze,

Prince of Cotterpins,

Sir Rosis,

Leechy Lad,

Snail Bait,

Atilla the Honeybun,


Added by KariGrant on April 27, 2012 at 9:30pm — 43 Comments

Little Known Facts Related To UFOs

Project Blue Book containes names of men with the blue balls.

The Center for UFO Studies is a test kitchen for Unlevened Faccia Ovens.

Project Grudge was started by my ex-husband.

Project Sign was started over two thousand years ago by followers of Brian, who held up a shoe as a sign.

Ironically, Project Magnet attracted very few followers.

UFOs, (except in some extremely rare cases) cannot be used as IUDs.

The Rudyard Keplar Space Telescope first…


Added by KariGrant on April 27, 2012 at 2:30pm — 12 Comments

Courses offered at the Trade School

Pre-Cambrian Engineering,

Auto Collision Repair Scam Technology,

Vin Diesel Technology,

Medicine Park Assistant,

Carpenter's Nail Tech,

Impractical Nursing,

Criminal Juicing,

Pubic Safety,

Trailer Parkinsons,

Wood. Work it.


Added by KariGrant on April 25, 2012 at 9:00pm — 11 Comments

Ways To Spice Up Your Sex Life

Tantrum Sex,

Visit the Adult Toy Stork,

Belly Danza,

Moot Music,

Fungus Shui,

Erotic Fart,

Erodic Literature,

Naked Pinchers on the Internet,

Pole Danglers,

Sexy Lawn Jury,

Added by KariGrant on April 24, 2012 at 2:30pm — 10 Comments

Eastminster Kennel Ration Club's Almost Best of Showed Breeds

Dobiegillis Pincher,

Irish Shitter,


Newfoundlap Dog,

Chevy Cavalier Spaniel,

Scottish Beerhound,

Frou Bucher Mountain Dog,

Great Dame,

Palm Iranian,

Sealy Posture-pedic Terrier,



Added by KariGrant on April 23, 2012 at 4:30pm — 14 Comments

Summer Activity Ailments

High Diverticulitis,

Water Polio,

Bar-b-que'n Chicken Pox,

Roasting Marshmellanoma,

Flu Fishing,

Summer Olympdicks,

Tennis Open Sores,

Goutboard Motor Boating,




Added by KariGrant on April 20, 2012 at 8:30pm — 36 Comments

Songs That Won't Be Sung by Idol Finalists

I Believe I Can Flail,

Son of a Creature-Man,

Try a Little Tenderizer,

Somewhere Over the Rainbow Coalition,


September Bride,

Project Runaway Baby,

I Want To Know What Lipo Is,

Give A Little Whore,

Didn't I Know You Knew I Knew You Knew How Much I Dubbed You,

Added by KariGrant on April 18, 2012 at 8:36pm — 45 Comments

Those Were Different Times #173: The Remorseabration!

 Those Were Different Times #173: The  Remorseabration!

Introducing: "Capn Jack AREN'T YOU ASHAMED?"




7. Capn Jack: "Could you be more Pacific?


6. It's ACHMED goddamit ACH MED!!!


5. "... that all your sea-shanties end with

drunken, freshly-buggered galley-boys,

necks broken, descending to the dark, briny depths?"




Added by mellowpuma on April 17, 2012 at 10:30pm — 24 Comments

Close, but no sick car

Alter a quote, saying, book title, movie line etc.


The hatchback of Notre dame

In one ear and gone tomorrow

Got all my ducks in the road

The Emperors new jeans

We're like two ships that crash in the night

Murder she was

Added by Iverneil on April 17, 2012 at 1:23pm — 9 Comments

Where To Find Insects of North America

HORNET – Upper right section of Paul Schaffer’s CBS Orchestra.

COTTON STAINER – At the Rodeo, downwind of the Skoll Dippers.

TUMBLEBUG – At the Laundromat, in the dryers.

GRASSHOPPER – At the Car Wash, waxing on and off.

TIGER BEATLE – Geez, did he pork Ringo, too?

LADYBIRD – Underground, near Lyndon.

COCKEROACH – Strewn about the parking lot, after a Joe Cocker concert.

DUNG BEETLE – Feeds on the floor of Congress.

MAY FLIES – Uhm, in…


Added by KariGrant on April 16, 2012 at 4:00pm — 8 Comments

I'm not normal...but its not like we all didnt know that already...

I am not a normal person. I am aware of this fact. I have been well aware of this fact since I was four and single-handedly got all siblings banned from fields trips at my brothers school while my family lived in Seoul.

In my four-year old defense, yah don’t put the four-year old version of myself (or any version of myself really) in front of a never-ending table of gingerbread house ingredients and expect those ingredients not to end up in my mouth.

There are a few facts in…


Added by natalie paige on April 16, 2012 at 7:24am — No Comments

Weather safety tips:

Neither I, nor Comedy Whirled recommend following these tips. They're just stuff my Cousin told me.


Pole dancing in thunderstorms is highly discouraged.

During winds of 45mph or greater, use Maximum Hold or Freeze hair spray only.

In category F-3 or greater tornadic activity, Depends can help.

In category F-3 or greater tornadic activity, go to the lowest point in hour house. Try to get between the carpet and the slab, preferably UNDER the…


Added by KariGrant on April 14, 2012 at 1:00pm — 3 Comments

Egomaniac songs

I love how I love me

I like the way I walk

The way I look tonight

Cant smile without me

I just called to say I love myself

Added by Iverneil on April 14, 2012 at 10:26am — 32 Comments

Sure Fire Pick Up Lines

You've got some real nice looking girl parts.

Is it boner in here or is it just me?

Wanna go for a ride on my moped?

Those must be cheese pants cause your ass is lookin' gouda!

You ever seen a sub basement?

I'm looking for a new place to stay, how much is the rent in your ass?

If I could rearrange the alphabet I'd put my D in your V and then C all over your B's.

Wanna buy a drink for the man who just broke the clinic record for most abortions…


Added by JJJ23 on April 12, 2012 at 5:18pm — 36 Comments

Garden Pests

Dennis Hoppers,

Pea Diddy Weavel,

Gnatalie Deep Wood,

Fruit Stir-flies,

Sneaky neighbors,

Mealy Bugsy Malone,

Ewe Dirty Rats,


Volaré Voles,

Office Go-fers,

Added by KariGrant on April 12, 2012 at 11:45am — 8 Comments

Other Uses for Leftover Snot

Emergency substitute for Rubber Cement,

Hold Photos in Family Album,

Stick your gum to the headboard without leaving a mark,

Cushion between toes,

Emergency Hair Gel,

Scare away the smaller slugs,

Hand softener,

Baseball Glove conditioner,

When dried and carved, use as subway tokens,

Mark your trail in the park,

Added by KariGrant on April 12, 2012 at 11:35am — 8 Comments

New Strains of Garden Diseases

Powdery DewDoo,

Hedge Herpes,

Bacterial Blight or Flight,

Bacterial Wilt the Stilt,

Bacterial Spot of Tea,

Corn Smut Porn,

Non-Picketing Potato SCABS,

White Jell-o Mold,

Downey Soft Mildew Breeze,

Septoria-Clitorial Leaf Spot –Hardest to find,

Added by KariGrant on April 12, 2012 at 11:00am — 4 Comments

Those Were Different Times #172: The Wampumabration

Those Were Different Times #172: The Wampumabration

Introducing: Lottie Adams "I'm A Different Me"




10. ...but the mighty oak still thrills me to the bone.


9. Yes Lottie you're drunk and wondering around in the woods, and it's not different when it's every day.


8. (The artist formerly known as Stands with Spruce)

-Ian Renga

7. "... than I was…


Added by mellowpuma on April 9, 2012 at 10:30pm — 26 Comments

2012 Caption Whirled Power Rankings - Update

3 points for Gold, 2 for Silver and 1 for Bronze.

1. FroDoh! - 29 points



Added by Comedy Whirled on April 3, 2012 at 9:00pm — No Comments

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