Comedy Whirled

February 2012 Blog Posts (25)

Those Were Different Times #167:

Those Were Different Times #167:


"The Happy Sound of the OCEAN COUNTRY STRING BAND"




3. Melvin was the only band member that could withstand the ferocity of the wind


2, …


Added by mellowpuma on February 29, 2012 at 8:00pm — 6 Comments

Door to door

We all have experienced them. Salespeople who go door to door, home party plan reps, and inhome product demonstrations. You may or may not have encountered these:

Prella Shampooed Windows & Doors

Fuller Pants Salesmen

Grave-on calling Undertakers & Room Deoderizers

Elect-o-ducks Vacumes Sales & Servicemen

Ohmaho Meats Pimps

Pupperware Scoopers

Watts' Kin's Home Products Placers

Sarah Palintry Jewelry…


Added by KariGrant on February 29, 2012 at 12:30pm — 3 Comments

12 National Flags

Thought I'd run this up your pole...

National Velvet Flag,

National Velveeta Flag,

Pine Tree Deoderizer Flag,

Fort Moldy Flag,

Gadzooks Flag,

Kasden Flag,

Archie Bunker Hill Flag,

Continental Kit Flag,

Secretary of Depends Flag,

Secretary of the Navals Flag,

Ghost-buster General,

Kitten Kaboodle Flag,


Added by KariGrant on February 28, 2012 at 6:02pm — 5 Comments

Tips for first-aid

Neither I, nor Comedy Whirled recommend following these tips. They're just stuff my Aunt told me.


Tips for First-Aid:

Be the first one.

Put down your lemon-aid.

Evaluate them: their injury or illness, their car, who are they wearing, are they bankable, etc...

Clear the airway of foreign objects. Then do the same for them.

Do not bring a pi…


Added by KariGrant on February 27, 2012 at 9:30pm — 6 Comments


You've heard of Spaghetti Squash? Try these exotic veggies in your garden:

Has Beans,

Scrambled Eggplant,


Slimy Bastard Okra,

Snow Peas and Cues,


Carrot Tops,

Higher Celery,

Turnip Trucks,

Beep-beep, Arugula!

Added by KariGrant on February 27, 2012 at 11:40am — 10 Comments

Holidays not covered in your benefits package this year (again)

You can still celebrate them, but you won't get paid leave.

Patriot Missile's Day,

Nouget's Eve,

Mammorial Day,

Krafto de Mayo,

Secreter's Day,

Erection Day,

St. Turpentine's Day,

Yum Caper,

Washington's Birthmark Day,

Ashton Wednesday,


Added by KariGrant on February 26, 2012 at 10:04pm — 12 Comments

Categories rarely honored at the Oshkars

Best Grip's Gripper,

Boom-boom Room Man,

Best Supporting Hose,

Cheapest Costumes,

Best Mono Spreader,

Best Buoy,

Sound Panties,

Best Adaptation of a Stolen Script,

Longest Development Deal,

Best Reuse of an ALIEN Set,

Added by KariGrant on February 26, 2012 at 10:00pm — 10 Comments

Nearly Famous Artists

What's in a name? These artists were NEARLY famous. Perhaps you've heard of them or some others?

Clot Moonet,

Normal Rockwelt,

Pablum Pistacio,

Andes Warthole,

Jacksonhole Pollip,

Dayglo Riviera,

Wiltem DeKooties,

Frito Kable,

Vinscent Ivanhoe,

Pita Maxipad,

Added by KariGrant on February 26, 2012 at 8:27am — 19 Comments

Oscar Time

Movies that probably won't get an Oscar this year:

The Kelp,

Midnight in Paris, Texas,

Albert's Knobs,


Wart Horse,

Extremely Glenn Close & Incredibly Loud Pants,

My Week With Marilyn Manson,


The Adventures of Tinfoil,

The Ides of Marge,


Added by KariGrant on February 24, 2012 at 7:43am — 51 Comments

Unadvertised specials this week at Wholier Than Thou Organic Food and More stores


Rasberry flavored toejam,

Caterpillar fur belts and collars,

Organic Octopus Ink Cartidges,

Fresh sea scum,

Whole Corn Plasters,

Free Range Tofu,

June Bug Jelly,

Agave Necturds,


Orgreeenick Non-stick diapers,

Added by KariGrant on February 22, 2012 at 2:00pm — 11 Comments

Fat Tuesday

Fat Tuesday foods include Mardi Gras cake and Jambalaya. We've added some others for your tasting pleasure:

Fish Corns Pie

Brian Gumbo

Twirling Tassos

Crullers in her hair pie

Red Green & Rice (please. Sombody eat him)

Tropic of Capricorn Hurricanes

Moonbutt Pies

Chocolate Dump Truckettes

Shrimp and Crabs you got from the shrimp

Sean Penn's Milk Punch

Added by KariGrant on February 21, 2012 at 11:21am — 22 Comments

Volcano Parts

National Geographic has covered Volcano parts with exceptional photographs, capturing the likeness' of craters, fissures, lava, ash, rims, magma, the mantel and more. Geologists have now turned their attention to learning more about other Volcano parts:

The thermostat,

hot molten fudge,

Roman candles,


dinosaur skin,

that itching and burning sensation,

fire ants,

madras blazers,

the furnace,



Added by KariGrant on February 20, 2012 at 12:51pm — 9 Comments

YAY! I made it to the Final Round in the Laugh Finals!

THANKS to everyone who voted & please keep it up so I can win!  YOU CAN VOTE EVERY DAY!!!

I'm proud to say I've already made it past the semi-finals & 3 rounds of eliminations in this season's YobiLaugh Finals.  I really want to win 1st place which includes a role on a web-series & 1st place gets to co-write it.  So PLEASE KEEP VOTING FOR ME EVERY DAY THIS WEEK! I can't do it without YOUR help. :)

ME - 'The Onion: A Closer Look'…


Added by Gisele Noel on February 20, 2012 at 10:30am — 7 Comments

We all know of "the man in the moon," and "the mask of mars"...

Lesser known celestial landmarks are these:

Halley's Hammer-toe,

The varicose veins of Venus,

Saturn's scrotum,

The penis of Pluto,

Orion's Bunion,

Nipples of Neptune,

Jupiter's Va-jay-jay,

Earth's Ear,

The Mercury Marquis,

Mars' Bars,



Added by KariGrant on February 19, 2012 at 8:21am — 28 Comments

Things you forgot to scream when you rode the rollercoaster

Ice on the Tracks! Ice on the TRACKS!!

There went my bridge!

I'm King of the HURL!

The monsters are real!

I want a divorce!

This is worse than stir!!!



My pie hole is blue!!!

I think I can, I think I can, Oh God, I can't, I can't, I can't!!!!!!

Added by KariGrant on February 18, 2012 at 7:40pm — 26 Comments

Reasons the Naked Guy Went To Walmart

Mydol. I gotta get her some damn MYDOL!!

Looking for Mr. Goodbar,

Needed more WD-40,

Was all out of Miracle Whip,

2 for 1 special on miniblinds,

He needed to buy a belated Valentine's card.

To get out of the cold.

Was viciously struck by green-apple trot on the way from his car and didn't want to be all smelly.

Recycled everything on the way in.

He's a customer. He wanted "Serviced."

Added by KariGrant on February 17, 2012 at 3:09pm — 14 Comments

Tragic loss

The world has lost a great reporter and Oklahoma City has lost one of her finest sons, Anthony Shadid, who died Thursday in Syria. He was there doing the thing he loved: reporting the resiliant human condition in the face of war. He was 43.  RIP Anthony.

Added by KariGrant on February 17, 2012 at 2:51pm — No Comments

Unadvertised Specials at the Grocery Store

Fish Stinks,

Gulp Shrimp,

Red Bareass Pizza,

Refried Beanie-weinies,



Mini Anus Cheeseburgers,

Peanut Blubber,

Chuckle Roast,

Yomama's Pastrami,



Added by KariGrant on February 16, 2012 at 10:09am — 41 Comments


Unless you’ve been living under a rock or are too busy hating the NBA you have probably heard of the overnight sensation that is Jeremy Lin. Now a household word, he has already been given nicknames like Linsational, Linderella, Super Lintendo, and Linvincible. Everyday more words are being associated with Lin so I give you a few new definitions/bad puns to everyday words. Feel free to add to the LINst.   …


Added by Jams3kds on February 15, 2012 at 11:30am — 7 Comments

Other uses for Dopamine

Scientists have noted the presence of higher levels of dopamine to be a common factor in both schitzophrenics and creative people.  Now other uses for dopamine are being explored. Feel free to update us as you discover more uses.

Makes good model airplane paint.

Gives the voices in your head something to talk about.

Fun to throw at your kid sister.

Makes hampsters go crazy on the wheel.

Lets you park in the good spots.

Mixes well with fruit…


Added by KariGrant on February 15, 2012 at 9:30am — 12 Comments

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