Those Were Different Times #167:
"The Happy Sound of the OCEAN COUNTRY STRING BAND"
3. Melvin was the only band member that could withstand the ferocity of the wind
We all have experienced them. Salespeople who go door to door, home party plan reps, and inhome product demonstrations. You may or may not have encountered these:
Prella Shampooed Windows & Doors
Fuller Pants Salesmen
Grave-on calling Undertakers & Room Deoderizers
Elect-o-ducks Vacumes Sales & Servicemen
Ohmaho Meats Pimps
Watts' Kin's Home Products Placers
Sarah Palintry Jewelry…Continue
Thought I'd run this up your pole...
National Velvet Flag,
National Velveeta Flag,
Pine Tree Deoderizer Flag,
Fort Moldy Flag,
Archie Bunker Hill Flag,
Continental Kit Flag,
Secretary of Depends Flag,
Secretary of the Navals Flag,
Kitten Kaboodle Flag,
Neither I, nor Comedy Whirled recommend following these tips. They're just stuff my Aunt told me.
Tips for First-Aid:
Be the first one.
Put down your lemon-aid.
Evaluate them: their injury or illness, their car, who are they wearing, are they bankable, etc...
Clear the airway of foreign objects. Then do the same for them.
Do not bring a pi…Continue
You've heard of Spaghetti Squash? Try these exotic veggies in your garden:
Slimy Bastard Okra,
Snow Peas and Cues,
You can still celebrate them, but you won't get paid leave.
Patriot Missile's Day,
Krafto de Mayo,
St. Turpentine's Day,
Washington's Birthmark Day,
Best Grip's Gripper,
Boom-boom Room Man,
Best Supporting Hose,
Best Mono Spreader,
Best Adaptation of a Stolen Script,
Longest Development Deal,
Best Reuse of an ALIEN Set,
What's in a name? These artists were NEARLY famous. Perhaps you've heard of them or some others?
Movies that probably won't get an Oscar this year:
Midnight in Paris, Texas,
Extremely Glenn Close & Incredibly Loud Pants,
My Week With Marilyn Manson,
The Adventures of Tinfoil,
The Ides of Marge,
Rasberry flavored toejam,
Caterpillar fur belts and collars,
Organic Octopus Ink Cartidges,
Fresh sea scum,
Whole Corn Plasters,
Free Range Tofu,
June Bug Jelly,
Orgreeenick Non-stick diapers,
Fat Tuesday foods include Mardi Gras cake and Jambalaya. We've added some others for your tasting pleasure:
Fish Corns Pie
Crullers in her hair pie
Red Green & Rice (please. Sombody eat him)
Tropic of Capricorn Hurricanes
Chocolate Dump Truckettes
Shrimp and Crabs you got from the shrimp
Sean Penn's Milk Punch
National Geographic has covered Volcano parts with exceptional photographs, capturing the likeness' of craters, fissures, lava, ash, rims, magma, the mantel and more. Geologists have now turned their attention to learning more about other Volcano parts:
hot molten fudge,
that itching and burning sensation,
THANKS to everyone who voted & please keep it up so I can win! YOU CAN VOTE EVERY DAY!!!
I'm proud to say I've already made it past the semi-finals & 3 rounds of eliminations in this season's YobiLaugh Finals. I really want to win 1st place which includes a role on a web-series & 1st place gets to co-write it. So PLEASE KEEP VOTING FOR ME EVERY DAY THIS WEEK! I can't do it without YOUR help. :)
ME - 'The Onion: A Closer Look'…Continue
Lesser known celestial landmarks are these:
The varicose veins of Venus,
The penis of Pluto,
Nipples of Neptune,
The Mercury Marquis,
Ice on the Tracks! Ice on the TRACKS!!
There went my bridge!
I'm King of the HURL!
The monsters are real!
I want a divorce!
This is worse than stir!!!
My pie hole is blue!!!
I think I can, I think I can, Oh God, I can't, I can't, I can't!!!!!!
Mydol. I gotta get her some damn MYDOL!!
Looking for Mr. Goodbar,
Needed more WD-40,
Was all out of Miracle Whip,
2 for 1 special on miniblinds,
He needed to buy a belated Valentine's card.
To get out of the cold.
Was viciously struck by green-apple trot on the way from his car and didn't want to be all smelly.
Recycled everything on the way in.
He's a customer. He wanted "Serviced."
The world has lost a great reporter and Oklahoma City has lost one of her finest sons, Anthony Shadid, who died Thursday in Syria. He was there doing the thing he loved: reporting the resiliant human condition in the face of war. He was 43. RIP Anthony. http://storify.com/nytimesworld/remembering-anthony-shadid
Added by KariGrant on February 17, 2012 at 2:51pm — No Comments
Red Bareass Pizza,
Mini Anus Cheeseburgers,
Unless you’ve been living under a rock or are too busy hating the NBA you have probably heard of the overnight sensation that is Jeremy Lin. Now a household word, he has already been given nicknames like Linsational, Linderella, Super Lintendo, and Linvincible. Everyday more words are being associated with Lin so I give you a few new definitions/bad puns to everyday words. Feel free to add to the LINst. …Continue
Scientists have noted the presence of higher levels of dopamine to be a common factor in both schitzophrenics and creative people. Now other uses for dopamine are being explored. Feel free to update us as you discover more uses.
Makes good model airplane paint.
Gives the voices in your head something to talk about.
Fun to throw at your kid sister.
Makes hampsters go crazy on the wheel.
Lets you park in the good spots.
Mixes well with fruit…Continue