All Blog Posts (1,116)

Unless lot of people do my press conferences, and say my name a lot, i'm opening the country, and your parents and your grandparents might die. also this is like 911 or a war or something.   just kidding, your grandparents will…

Results at the end:

Since everyone's bored I'm a-gonna just dump 5 caps that vaguely relate to the quarantine world we live in now because of corona, so if you're bored because of corona sitting at home jerking off to pornhub then after you cum you can do a crossword puzzle first and then do this:

Caps will be awarded when the corona virus disaster is over, which as we all know will be by may 1st…

Those Were Different Times #411

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2. Because by supporting socialized medicine you're just encouraging the spread of socialized diseases.

-MacSpruce

1. "Mr. Gorbachev, tear down these hospitals!"

-Mario!!!…

Those Were Different Times #410

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2. and then nothing else, forever.

-jjj23

1. Step away from the trunk Jeb, we’re concerned about your actions prior to “Seeing the light

-Iverneil…

Those Were Different Times #408

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5. I'm impressed. Even with music on, I usually need to use at least my hand.

-Mario!!!

4. … now if we could just figure out how to play it…

They're also into colonial irrigation.

-MacSpruce

3. We hope you like glissandos!"

-Ian

2. They're rhythm methodists.

-JJJ23

Never mind the bollocks, here's the Sex Whistles.

1.…

Those Were Different Times #409

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Results (with glasses):

and the special "Solemn Gravitas" award goes to:

Somehow I know deep down that The Dirty Midget would win this one, hands down...may god bless his dirty soul.

-iverneil

His “playboys” are his balls.

4. John was mad that they didn’t use the “edgier” photo of him.

-Iverneil

3.0001 BEATLES IN THE COURT

(WITH…

Those Were Different Times #407

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5. But you can call me Angst

-Iverneil

4. At the last moment, the panicked record company had to remove the word "hole" from the title.

-VomitFlop

Are you telling me Santa isn't real??

3. He had to change his name to Loser Old in 1983.

-Rotwang

2. Confused James Dean approves.

-JJJ23 

1. Deleted tracks:

(Let Me Be Your) Beast…

Those Were Different Times #406

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6. In case you were wondering, not only do the curtains match the drapes, but they're totally shagged.

-Mario

5. Includes the hit... "Viagra Falls!"

-Gerhardguffaw

4. "Ma'am, as your doctor, I must unfortunately inform you that it's not just fire & it's also not just primarily located down below.

-VomitFlop

3. Perfect! Because I have a firehose down below.…

Rotwang's Almost-Annual Caption Contest

Thank you all for playing.

Unfortunately your answers are all incorrect.

The correct answer is;

"Weekend at Bernies II".

Honorable mention:

Brunch At Tiffany's

-Gerhardguffaw

Bronze:

"Beaches"

-Rodney…

Those Were Different Times #405

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5. The strong anti-capitalism album featuring, "Pootin' on the Rich."

-KariGrant

4. When she did a pirouette four people died.

-Rotwang

3. "Go ahead, punk, make my pilé!"

-Mario!!!

2. "Some days I feel, you know, not so fresh. So I shoot anybody that notices."

-MacSpruce

1. Translation: "Is your cat stuck up a tree? Call the professionals:…

Those Were Different Times #404

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6. Ironically, the album had zero hits.

-Mario!!

5. This is worse than pussy grabbing.

-KariGrant

Featuring “My punch runneth over with love”

4. Fist come, fist served

-Iverneil

Hole Miner's Farter

3. "And Others", is one of the better country songs you'll ever hear about stretching a butthole.

-JJJ23

Twisted Fister

"Oh, the fisticity!"

2. First…

Those Were Different Times #403

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4. "Damn Jenny, I told you air-hockey was dangerous for girls!"

-Ian

3. Jenny just couldn't stop falling for the old telescope black eye prank.

-Mervin

2. Her album was in the lead until she was beaten out by Chris Brown.

-Iverneil

1. Poor Jenny can't afford another pack of Tareytons.

-MacSpruce…

Those Were Different Times #402

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3. Well Pam, first you need to step back from your expectation of finding a husband with the head of a cartoon dog and the body of a snake.

-JJJ23

2. Sadly for Pam, she always ends up being the girl people opt to kill when given a choice.

-Mario!!!

1. Try ISIS.

-Iverneil…

With the final season of Game of Thrones fast approaching it's important to understand exactly how a dragon produces fire.

Calling them 'Fire-breathing' is not entirely accurate.  Call them 'Fire-exhaling' Dragons to be more precise.

Much like the monkeys that eat the charcoal for digestion, dragons regularly seek out flint and marcasite-rich…

Those Were Different Times #401

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5. "Fifty NOs and a YES means YES."

-Ian

4. She would later star in the sequel, Dr. No Means No!

-Mario!!!

3. ♫Fieldings. Nothing more than ♫ fieldings...

-Karigrant

2. Song 1: We're Not A Great Spy Team

-JJJ23

1. When he shakes her she doesn't stir – the good old Cosby martini!

-MacSpruce    (oof, that's hard)…

Those Were Different Times #400

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4, The Incredible Husk.

-Karigrant

3. The real reason Dr Frankenstein's monster went ballistic, this was his junk.

-Mervin97

2, Do you guys have any idea how many "rotten wang" caps I'm not typing?

-rotwang

1. Then Dorothy asked “But scarecrow!! I thought you wanted a heart??”

-iverneil…

Those Were Different Times #399

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3,"Stop trying to brainwash us with the power of suggestion, Oliver Stone!"

-VomitFlop

2. Sure it's effective, but it does require quite a lot of self-amputation.

-Mario!!!

1. "...I'm going to say one word: Plastics. That's all you're allowed to eat now."

-Ian…

Those Were Different Times #398

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3. That game received a very spoor rating.

-Iverneil

"Well, the thing is, they aren't exactly being propelled by jetpacks."

"Also coming soon to the Smegma Genesis!"

2. Pooper Mario Bros.

-VomitFlop

No one messes with this powerful squat. -I mean squad.

1. That's it, private, you are relieved of your dookie!

-Rotwang…

Those Were Different Times #397

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When it came to spreading Christmas Cheer, they really phoned it in back in the Fifties.

4. Not to be confused with "Hanukkah up Your Ass."

-Mario!!!

"Pardon me, sir, but what is a Jerky boy?"

3. "CF phone home."

-VomitFlop

2. ...would prove to be the cause of death, clogging both the aorta and the jugular with pine needles, bits of glass ornaments and eggnog.

-Ian

1. "I…