All Blog Posts (540)

Pisfreestacios,

Rasberry flavored toejam,

Caterpillar fur belts and collars,

Organic Octopus Ink Cartidges,

Fresh sea scum,

Whole Corn Plasters,

Free Range Tofu,

June Bug Jelly,

Agave Necturds,

Tilapee,

Orgreeenick Non-stick diapers,

Fat Tuesday foods include Mardi Gras cake and Jambalaya. We've added some others for your tasting pleasure:

Fish Corns Pie

Brian Gumbo

Twirling Tassos

Crullers in her hair pie

Red Green & Rice (please. Sombody eat him)

Tropic of Capricorn Hurricanes

Moonbutt Pies

Chocolate Dump Truckettes

Shrimp and Crabs you got from the shrimp

Sean Penn's Milk Punch

National Geographic has covered Volcano parts with exceptional photographs, capturing the likeness' of craters, fissures, lava, ash, rims, magma, the mantel and more. Geologists have now turned their attention to learning more about other Volcano parts:

The thermostat,

hot molten fudge,

Roman candles,

virgins,

dinosaur skin,

that itching and burning sensation,

fire ants,

madras blazers,

the furnace,

mantel…

THANKS to everyone who voted & please keep it up so I can win!  YOU CAN VOTE EVERY DAY!!!

I'm proud to say I've already made it past the semi-finals & 3 rounds of eliminations in this season's YobiLaugh Finals.  I really want to win 1st place which includes a role on a web-series & 1st place gets to co-write it.  So PLEASE KEEP VOTING FOR ME EVERY DAY THIS WEEK! I can't do it without YOUR help. :)

ME - 'The Onion: A Closer Look'…

Lesser known celestial landmarks are these:

Halley's Hammer-toe,

The varicose veins of Venus,

Saturn's scrotum,

The penis of Pluto,

Orion's Bunion,

Nipples of Neptune,

Jupiter's Va-jay-jay,

Earth's Ear,

The Mercury Marquis,

Mars' Bars,

Ice on the Tracks! Ice on the TRACKS!!

There went my bridge!

I'm King of the HURL!

The monsters are real!

I want a divorce!

This is worse than stir!!!

MOMMY!

Ichthyology!!

My pie hole is blue!!!

I think I can, I think I can, Oh God, I can't, I can't, I can't!!!!!!

Mydol. I gotta get her some damn MYDOL!!

Looking for Mr. Goodbar,

Needed more WD-40,

Was all out of Miracle Whip,

2 for 1 special on miniblinds,

He needed to buy a belated Valentine's card.

To get out of the cold.

Was viciously struck by green-apple trot on the way from his car and didn't want to be all smelly.

Recycled everything on the way in.

He's a customer. He wanted "Serviced."

The world has lost a great reporter and Oklahoma City has lost one of her finest sons, Anthony Shadid, who died Thursday in Syria. He was there doing the thing he loved: reporting the resiliant human condition in the face of war. He was 43.  RIP Anthony. http://storify.com/nytimesworld/remembering-anthony-shadid

Fish Stinks,

Gulp Shrimp,

Red Bareass Pizza,

Refried Beanie-weinies,

Stirfly,

Buttweiser,

Mini Anus Cheeseburgers,

Peanut Blubber,

Chuckle Roast,

Yomama's Pastrami,

Unless you’ve been living under a rock or are too busy hating the NBA you have probably heard of the overnight sensation that is Jeremy Lin. Now a household word, he has already been given nicknames like Linsational, Linderella, Super Lintendo, and Linvincible. Everyday more words are being associated with Lin so I give you a few new definitions/bad puns to everyday words. Feel free to add to the LINst.   …

Scientists have noted the presence of higher levels of dopamine to be a common factor in both schitzophrenics and creative people.  Now other uses for dopamine are being explored. Feel free to update us as you discover more uses.

Makes good model airplane paint.

Gives the voices in your head something to talk about.

Fun to throw at your kid sister.

Makes hampsters go crazy on the wheel.

Lets you park in the good spots.

Mixes well with fruit…

He has the Monkey Pox.

Too much Pee; Not enough Diddy (with a nod to FroDoh!)

Love is downsizing due to the economic instability.

Not enough arrow head.

Archery in general has been outsourced to Bombay and Latvia.

He broke his arrow.

Bad case of Bow elbow.

His Gremlin Hatchback has a cracked distributor cap.

Diaper rash.

Cupid is stupid.

Dunstin checks you in at the ER.

Swollen coconuts.

Instead of craving poon-tang, you crave orang-utan.

You remember feeling feverish after playing with "Barrel-o-monkeys."

That not-so-fresh banana peeling.

Your Doctor insists you need a shot in your bright red ass.

You notice festering blisters on your prehensile tail.

You have a sudden craving for nits.

You really do have a banana in your pocket.

Pox on your monkey.

The WHO-HOO announced the following new strains of flu:

The Mizenmast Flu,

The Stringy Flu,

The Carroty Flu,

The Fly Flu,

The Prize Flu,

The Smelly Flu,

The Twinkie Flu,

The Turtle Flu,

The Hyena Hymen Flu,

The Rollicking Flu,

Feel free to add new strains (but don't strain yourself) or discuss these horrible new strains in detail (eew).

Working Titles for Oprah’s New Show:

America’s Most Oprah,

Grand Ol’ Oprah,

CSI Oprah,

Oprah Stewart,

Regis and Oprah Lee,

Oprahship Galactica,

Oprotocol,

Oprah: Remix,

OWN-O!,

Who Wants To Be a Gazillionaire?,

Here's the first Power Rankings update for 2012.  

3 points for Gold, 2 for Silver, and 1 for Bronze.…

YAY! I made it to the Season 4 Yobi.tv Laugh finals!  Please vote for me DAILY:

http://yobi.tv/yobilaugh/contestant/16572/GiseleNoel/the-onion

Good tidings, yon sufferes to be AND TRICKTERS OF THE BEAST'S DESIGN. The universe has revealed to me through…

Those Were Different Times #166: The Endoritocoolranchification

Introducing "CHANTILLY LACE STARRING THE BIG BOPPER HELLOOO BABY!"…