Three Dozen Kegs,

The New Mayan Calendar,

Tang,

More Legos,

DVDs: Avatar, Aliens, Space Balls, Mars Attacks!

Hot Pockets,

Perrier,

New Bowflex,

The White Album,

Ping-pong Balls,

So per usual, my life is a joke and I just end up participating in the weirdest conversations because my face does seem to have that, “Why yes, I would love to actively participate in a conversation about shaving preferences for both man and lady junk at a playground on the upper east side” look to it.

Basically, a couple of days ago, I was on a play date with four other moms, one of which I nanny for, and somehow by some unknown power we had no control over we got onto the topic of…

Giant, sugar-crazed cockroaches.

Giant, sugar-crazed rats.

Giant, sugar-crazed mobsters.

Giant, sugar-crazed housewives of Jersey Shores shopping.

Giant, sugar-crazed nudists.

Giant, sugar-crazed Methodists.

Giant, sugar-crazed Jews for Jesus.

Giant, sugar-crazed Vegans.

Giant, sugar-crazed toddlers.

Giant, sugar-crazed Yankees.

Marriages,

Flowers,

Furniture,

Body parts,

Bug collections,

Plastic Army men,

Payments to the court,

Hostage exchanges,

Funerals,

Transportation to Mars,

Those Were Different Times #175: The Hypnobration!

Introducing: "INTRODUCING AN EXHILARATING TECHNIQUE STOP smoking by COLE"…

Poor blood,

A golf ball,

Starched shirts,

Pancakes,

Pig molds,  

Jeremy,

Welders,

Boilermakers,

Unidentified cattle,

Blacksmiths,

Flowers make you open a run-down hotel in India.

Plants cause your alcoholic mother to show up at the science fair.

They take over your okra bed.

Spent blossoms turns earthworms orange.

They develop killer gams.

Turns Man-in-the-moon gay.

When worn around the neck, blossoms cause old people to move into the rundown hotel.

Pollin turns aspirin into Viagra.

Makes butlers expose money laundering records.

You wheeze more.

Lawn Cheney,

Humphrey Bogyard,

Patio’Brien,

Louis Pasture,

Irving Lawnmuir,

Edwin H Land,

Christopher Field,

Lawnie Anderson,

Eva Lawngoria,

Rudyard Kipling,

Island of Dr. Moreau

Valley of the Dolls

LaBrea Ishtar Pits

The Mayo Clinique counter

The Forbidden Titties City

The Moulin Rude

The Chaz Mahal

Dracula’s Condo

Palm Sunday Islands

Great Wall of Fiestaware

They have better cardboard.

They use strong strapping Tape.

Tight fitting lids.

Tropical climate is good for the Styrofoam peanut plantations.

Bountiful Bubble Wrap.

Tissue Paper made from old revolution handbills.

Employees are allowed to work in Boxer shorts.

Easy to read labels.

No weight limit makes it easy to ship your loved ones.

Burp seals.

What’s going on in LA…eh?

Okay, here is a hockey joke you may not have heard…Does anybody know the difference between frequent flyer miles and the Los Angeles Kings? Answer: Frequent flyer miles earn points. But…

Why men and women seeking partners for the relationship? I'm talking about single men and women who desire a residence that is not marriage. Relationship is best placed in a marital coalition, but to keep away from total dependence, defeat and legal harassment men and women prefer to have a life in relationship rather than being merged into the marital ties.

This trend is increasing day by day and almost all countries, including Australia. I myself have encountered many…

Sometimes you can make bouquets out of other things, like...

Froglegs,

Pepperolies,

Skewered Shrews,

Flowerettes made of Viagra,

Fireman’s Axes,

Fig Newtons,

Glow sticks,

Bucket o’ Buds,

Night Crawlers,

Laytex Gloves,

Hadron Super-colliding,

Bunker Archery,

Goodminton,

Noseball,

Gymnasties,

Kayaking of the Dead,

Helena Boxing,

Basketball Weaving,

Synchronized War,

Table Fencing,

Racket Tiering,

BREAKING NEWS (source in small part: http://www.jpl.nasa.gov/news/news.cfm?release=2012-138)

(NASA announced a recent survey has counted approximately 4,700+/-1500 Potentially Hazardous Asteroids hurling at or near the Earth. “The new results come from the asteroid-hunting portion of the WISE mission, called NEOWISE. The project sampled 107 PHAs to make predictions about the entire population as a…

I can’t in good conscience recommend these:

Clothes pins,

Starches and other Carbs,

Yo-yos,

Spray-and-stink,

Recycled Mojitos,

Garden Gnomes,

Draft,

Goreox,

Oxycontin,

Turds and/or Gummy Bears,

Splenda flavors for summer include:

Splenda in the grass,

Dingle and Rawberry,

Busted Cherry Whine,

Candygram for Mango,

Tinkle Time,

Weiner Whip,

Sugar-Free Pizza,

Nipple-Free Melons,

Melon-Collie,

Lemon-zest Toffee,

Those Were Different Times #174:  The Drunken Consultationabration!

Introducing: "John Bult - Julie's Sixteenth Birthday"

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Results

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And the "Budic Koan Which Reduces The Universe Into The Immutable Feeling Of a Metal Ball Accruing In The Belly" award goes to:

You see Julie, the body is merely a vessel, oneness of the mind, such as we have is what counts...dont you…