All Blog Posts (1,102)

With the final season of Game of Thrones fast approaching it's important to understand exactly how a dragon produces fire.

Calling them 'Fire-breathing' is not entirely accurate.  Call them 'Fire-exhaling' Dragons to be more precise.

Much like the monkeys that eat the charcoal for digestion, dragons regularly seek out flint and marcasite-rich…

Those Were Different Times #401

Those Were Different Times #400

Those Were Different Times #399

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3,"Stop trying to brainwash us with the power of suggestion, Oliver Stone!"

-VomitFlop

2. Sure it's effective, but it does require quite a lot of self-amputation.

-Mario!!!

1. "...I'm going to say one word: Plastics. That's all you're allowed to eat now."

-Ian…

Those Were Different Times #398

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3. That game received a very spoor rating.

-Iverneil

"Well, the thing is, they aren't exactly being propelled by jetpacks."

"Also coming soon to the Smegma Genesis!"

2. Pooper Mario Bros.

-VomitFlop

No one messes with this powerful squat. -I mean squad.

1. That's it, private, you are relieved of your dookie!

-Rotwang…

Those Were Different Times #397

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When it came to spreading Christmas Cheer, they really phoned it in back in the Fifties.

4. Not to be confused with "Hanukkah up Your Ass."

-Mario!!!

"Pardon me, sir, but what is a Jerky boy?"

3. "CF phone home."

-VomitFlop

2. ...would prove to be the cause of death, clogging both the aorta and the jugular with pine needles, bits of glass ornaments and eggnog.

-Ian

1. "I…

Those Were Different Times #396

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--- a blue christmas ... ---

3. He had a round little belly that shook when he laughed like a bowl full of jizz.

-KariGrant

It was Santa's last stop of the night and he emptied his sack.

2. Santa always comes in December, and sometimes he comes in Mae.

-MacSpruce

1. ♪ Don't stand so Claus to me. ♪

-VomitFlop…

Those Were Different Times #395

4. "Yes, there were giant toilet paper rolls in space."

-Ian

3. One small step for man-on-mankind.

-Rotwang

2. Featuring the Yiddish hit, "Somewhere Oy Vey, the Rainbow.

-KariGrant

1. From the folks who brought you George S. Patton Ocean Cloud Pancakes.

-JJJ23…

Those Were Different Times #394

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5. No more piano lessons, mom.

-Rotwang

4. Even after fully militarizing in the streets the spotlight continued to elude Kane.

-Ian

3. Featuring the hit' "I've Never Heard Of This Rambo Character, I have No Idea What You're Talking About" and the the ballad "Second Blood".

-JJJ23

2. Sorry no shirt no solo.

-Mervin97

1.0001. Gland on the…

Now that Taylor Swift has stopped being just a song writer and musician and has jumped into Partisan Politics alienating 1/2 of her Fan Base I have decided she may need some help with new Song Titles that align with hers and their Platforms... 

You should add your own Song Title suggestions to…

A Summary of the Kavanaugh Hearing by a Victim of Fraternity Rush Week Roof to Pool Diving Circa 1983

so a bunch of nerd senators are going after kdog because of some weird female hysteria.

then it's like,…

Those Were Different Times #393

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3. "I hope you like chamber music."

-Ian

2. Don't come a-knockin' if the coffin is rockin'. 

-MacSpruce

1.

Buried With Children

-Mario!!!…

Those Were Different Times #392

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3. It'll give you a tromboner!

-Mario!!!

2. "Now includes Music to Watch Large Girls By featuring Sal Iva on Tuba."

-Ian

Trumpets for Strumpets

1. aka Herpes Alpert and the Gonorrhea Brass

-MacSpruce…

Those Were Different Times #391

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4. Even if you only listen to it once, you have to register as a sex offender.

-Mario!!!

3. It's like a few minutes of wet slapping.It's like a few minutes of wet slapping.

-jjj23

Organ ickily grown

2. Some of the tunes have words, others are hummers.

 -MacSpruce

1. *all the compositions in the songbook are written to be played with only one…

Those Were Different Times #390

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2. For everyone's sake it's better than being the gassy giant.

-Mervin97Oh,

1.5. he's friendly alright. I see he's fondling Twin Peaks again. And the less said about that episode with the lighthouse, the better. 

1. You misunderstood; I didn't say he showers the village with gold …-macspruce…

Those Were Different Times #389

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and the special "Oof" award goes to:

Sure, he tried to look like he was all business, but everyone could tell Gary was a total phoney.

-Mario!!!

Unfortunately for Gary, business was no longer interested in getting down with him.

2, "So, who the fuck were you before you went into that phone booth?"

-VomitFlop

Putting a gloryhole in a…

Those Were Different Times #388

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4. Such "happy occasions" include searching for the real killers.

-JJJ23

♪ ♫ ♬ When the blade hits your eye just like a pizza pie there's more of you eh? ♪ ♫ ♬

"Hey Cake, Pizza and Watermelon, come over here and play with me!

3. ""Only the penitent man may pass."

-Ian

2. The Stab never caught on like the Twist or the Mashed Potato, probably…

Given that I've been getting so many medals this year. (shh, just pretend I haven't had the worst cap year ever.)

I've decided to give back by hosting a cap contest every 10 years.  And/or 5 if I'm generous.  And/or monthly if I'm bored. 

Here is the first one.  God help you…

Peter Jackson’s doing another sequel.

Sequel to The Hobbit.

Bilbo Baggins, he’s the main hobbit.

This one tells the tale of three generations of Hobbits,                                                                                       Bilbo Senior, Bilbo and Bilbo III, who leave their home

and go on an adventure together in

“Three Billbos…