You have ruined my life. Because instead of taking control of my own actions, I’m going to blame you, inanimate object, for all my shortcomings in life. I’ve given you a list. Now fix it! All of it!
1. If I defriend a person, it’s because I don’t want them to see my shit anymore! Or I don’t want to see their fucking shit anymore!
Yeah, whatever, maybe it was childish to defriend that boy that I used to love, but I was getting sick of…Continue
Posted on November 12, 2012 at 5:58pm — 2 Comments
“So I took a pregnancy test to calm myself down, and then got my period two days later.”
“Natalie, why are you telling me this?”
“Because you wanted a close and open relationship with your daughter and that is what you got, god damnit! And it was stressing me the fuck out!”
“Don’t say god damnit.”
“And you are getting on the pill immediately, god damnit!”
As some of you may know, the pill freaks me the fuck out. Come on. It…Continue
Posted on August 31, 2012 at 10:47am — 2 Comments
So per usual, my life is a joke and I just end up participating in the weirdest conversations because my face does seem to have that, “Why yes, I would love to actively participate in a conversation about shaving preferences for both man and lady junk at a playground on the upper east side” look to it.
Basically, a couple of days ago, I was on a play date with four other moms, one of which I nanny for, and somehow by some unknown power we had no control over we got onto the topic of…Continue
Posted on May 31, 2012 at 10:25am — 2 Comments
I really don’t get my life. It’s confusing, it’s weird, and quite honestly it always smells slightly like beef lo mein.
Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not complaining. Well, I’m not complaining at this particular moment, but I just have to know… am I alone in this situation?
For example, the amount of male attention I attract just does not equate with my physical features. Okay, maybe it does a little , I’m pretty fucking cute, god damnit! Then pair that cuteness with some…Continue
Posted on May 2, 2012 at 7:19am