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natalie paige
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Ian commented on natalie paige's blog post Dear Facebook, you are ruining my life.
Nov 17, 2012
natalie paige posted a blog post

Dear Facebook, you are ruining my life.

Dear Facebook,You have ruined my life. Because instead of taking control of my own actions, I’m going to blame you, inanimate object, for all my shortcomings in life. I’ve given you a list. Now fix it! All of it!1. If I defriend a person, it’s because I don’t want them to see my shit anymore! Or I don’t want to see their fucking shit anymore! Yeah, whatever, maybe it was childish to defriend that boy that I used to love, but I was getting sick of seeing his douchey statuses, showing that he was…See More
Nov 12, 2012
Ian commented on natalie paige's blog post Why can't boys just get fucking pregnant already?!
"If the side effects include imminent death it's probably not a good idea to take it.   What they should do is put a condom in each cigarette pack, after all, like they say; if she smokes, she pokes.  Besides, we could always use…"
Sep 3, 2012
natalie paige posted a blog post

Why can't boys just get fucking pregnant already?!

“So I took a pregnancy test to calm myself down, and then got my period two days later.”“Natalie, why are you telling me this?”“Because you wanted a close and open relationship with your daughter and that is what you got, god damnit! And it was stressing me the fuck out!”“Don’t say god damnit.”“Fine.”“And you are getting on the pill immediately, god damnit!”“Fine.”As some of you may know, the pill freaks me the fuck out. Come on. It hasn’t been around for that long, and quite honestly I don’t…See More
Aug 31, 2012
Ian commented on natalie paige's blog post Shaving preferences down thurrrrrr...
"According to Masters & Johnson you might be missing out: "The hair and hair follicles add extra erotic input by stimulating the nerve endings under the skin. Gently tugging, pulling, and scratching this area can be a turn on."  As…"
Jun 1, 2012
Iverneil commented on natalie paige's blog post Shaving preferences down thurrrrrr...
"I like to mix it up a little with topiary shapes, this week I made a giraffe"
May 31, 2012
natalie paige and Sean Warhurst are now friends
May 31, 2012
natalie paige posted a blog post

Shaving preferences down thurrrrrr...

So per usual, my life is a joke and I just end up participating in the weirdest conversations because my face does seem to have that, “Why yes, I would love to actively participate in a conversation about shaving preferences for both man and lady junk at a playground on the upper east side” look to it.Basically, a couple of days ago, I was on a play date with four other moms, one of which I nanny for, and somehow by some unknown power we had no control over we got onto the topic of shaving…See More
May 31, 2012
natalie paige posted a blog post

Maybe I should just get bitchier?

I really don’t get my life. It’s confusing, it’s weird, and quite honestly it always smells slightly like beef lo mein.Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not complaining. Well, I’m not complaining at this particular moment, but I just have to know… am I alone in this situation?For example, the amount of male attention I attract just does not equate with my physical features. Okay, maybe it does a little , I’m pretty fucking cute, god damnit! Then pair that cuteness with some assholey snarkiness and a…See More
May 2, 2012
natalie paige posted a blog post

I'm not normal...but its not like we all didnt know that already...

I am not a normal person. I am aware of this fact. I have been well aware of this fact since I was four and single-handedly got all siblings banned from fields trips at my brothers school while my family lived in Seoul.In my four-year old defense, yah don’t put the four-year old version of myself (or any version of myself really) in front of a never-ending table of gingerbread house ingredients and expect those ingredients not to end up in my mouth.There are a few facts in life that will always…See More
Apr 16, 2012
Slant commented on natalie paige's blog post Oh what's that? You want political humor that's actually funny?
"TFE has been featured on the front page several times.  Don't be such a stranger."
Mar 24, 2012
natalie paige posted a blog post

Oh what's that? You want political humor that's actually funny?

Well alrighty then! Just check out... The Final Edition !!!!!!And you know if I'm saying its funny, then it definitely is.They've also got a radio show guys and gals! Here's just a snip of their awesomeness:http://soundcloud.com/thefinaledition/public-radios-next-mike-daiseySee More
Mar 23, 2012
Iverneil commented on natalie paige's blog post You win, rock bottom. You always do.
"it's one thing to hit rock bottom...and quite another to keep scratching"
Mar 10, 2012
Slant commented on natalie paige's blog post You win, rock bottom. You always do.
"... and you wanna be my latex salesman..."
Mar 9, 2012
Ian commented on natalie paige's blog post You win, rock bottom. You always do.
""It's yourself you gotta be proud of Huckleberry" - Martin Sheen, Wall Street (1987)"
Mar 9, 2012
natalie paige posted a blog post

You win, rock bottom. You always do.

Well hello, rock bottom. We’ve got to stop meeting like this.I can’t wait until I’m a fully functioning adult, but to be quite honest I don’t think that day is ever going to come.I lost my wallet Monday night, because yes that is what happens when you don’t eat anything, drink at the apartment, then go out and drink more at a bar.You will soon find yourself drunkenly stumbling to a taxi, trying not to hurl in said taxi, stumble to the apartment, hurl in the apartment, have your roommate freak…See More
Mar 9, 2012

Profile Information

Natalie paige's Blog

Dear Facebook, you are ruining my life.

Dear Facebook,

You have ruined my life. Because instead of taking control of my own actions, I’m going to blame you, inanimate object, for all my shortcomings in life. I’ve given you a list. Now fix it! All of it!

1. If I defriend a person, it’s because I don’t want them to see my shit anymore! Or I don’t want to see their fucking shit anymore!

 

Yeah, whatever, maybe it was childish to defriend that boy that I used to love, but I was getting sick of…

Continue

Posted on November 12, 2012 at 5:58pm — 2 Comments

Why can't boys just get fucking pregnant already?!

“So I took a pregnancy test to calm myself down, and then got my period two days later.”

“Natalie, why are you telling me this?”

“Because you wanted a close and open relationship with your daughter and that is what you got, god damnit! And it was stressing me the fuck out!”

“Don’t say god damnit.”

“Fine.”

“And you are getting on the pill immediately, god damnit!”

“Fine.”

As some of you may know, the pill freaks me the fuck out. Come on. It…

Continue

Posted on August 31, 2012 at 10:47am — 2 Comments

Shaving preferences down thurrrrrr...

So per usual, my life is a joke and I just end up participating in the weirdest conversations because my face does seem to have that, “Why yes, I would love to actively participate in a conversation about shaving preferences for both man and lady junk at a playground on the upper east side” look to it.

Basically, a couple of days ago, I was on a play date with four other moms, one of which I nanny for, and somehow by some unknown power we had no control over we got onto the topic of…

Continue

Posted on May 31, 2012 at 10:25am — 2 Comments

Maybe I should just get bitchier?

I really don’t get my life. It’s confusing, it’s weird, and quite honestly it always smells slightly like beef lo mein.

Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not complaining. Well, I’m not complaining at this particular moment, but I just have to know… am I alone in this situation?

For example, the amount of male attention I attract just does not equate with my physical features. Okay, maybe it does a little , I’m pretty fucking cute, god damnit! Then pair that cuteness with some…

Continue

Posted on May 2, 2012 at 7:19am

Comment Wall (15 comments)

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At 3:15pm on December 26, 2011, Rebellious By Nature said…

listen to my free comedy album:

http://rebelliousnaturecomedy.com/the-demo.html

At 5:10am on July 12, 2011, Buttermilk said…
Thanks for befriending me. Sorry to be so long in adding you but due to unforeseen circumstances I have been unable to be on the site. I look forward to reading your contributions
At 3:53am on June 12, 2011, theDIRTYmidget.© said…
Burn!  ‘Rango’!!!” 
xo♥.
At 9:22pm on June 9, 2011, Slant said…
At 2:24am on June 5, 2011, theDIRTYmidget.© said…
Having now read your excellent blogs, here are some random, unrelated thoughts, in no particular order. 

01.)  I snickered out loud when I read “... hire a midget with a Easy Cheez spray can glued permanently to their left hand ... .”:  I’d previously mentioned my unrequited love for my own genitals.  (Did you get my ‘friend’ request?  No biggie.  I didn’t know where to send flowers. Ha-ha!

02.)  I’ve noticed your many mentions of mayo.  Are you one of those hoity-toity types who thinks Miracle Whip® is disgusting and exclusively for hillbillies, or do you go both ways?  I can appreciate either, in context.  Neither is appropriate for all occasions.  They made garlic MW® for a while, in a coffinful of which I could easily be buried, but I can’t find it anymore.   (continued ... .)
At 2:21am on June 5, 2011, theDIRTYmidget.© said…
03.)  Re.:  “is it really such a bad thing?”  Your views are dead on.  Men who express them are labelled ‘children’.  I’m just smart enough to know that women will tire of me, and then I’m fucked.  Love is great.  Relationships are great.  When they end isn’t.  Especially if you’re the sad sap who’s never doing the ending. 

04.)  I was raised a half-assed Catholic, myself.  Mom was relatively hardcore.  Her mom was, at least.  My being ‘handicapped’, I never had to go to parochial school, and, having been raised in a houseful of angry sarcastics, I’d pretty much decided it was all horseshit by the time I was around 8.  Break over 100 bones before you’re 13, and you, too may come to think of prayer, for instance, as ludicrous.  Also, we learn too late in life that, if prayer works, it only works for other people.  Even if a conscious God was listening, It wouldn’t give a shit if you win the big game or want a car. 

05.)  Never fear or apologize for farts.  Farts rule.  Farts are The Window To The Soul.  Garlic farts are better than orgasms.  One of the best days of my life was when I found ‘extreme flatulence’ on a list of symptoms of my particular dwarfing bone-disease.  What a relief that I wasn’t, in fact, just a fucking pig.  Bore ya’ later.  xo♥.
At 9:07pm on June 4, 2011, Ian said…
You have writer's eyes.  It's impossible to hide the wisdom.
At 8:39pm on June 4, 2011, Ian said…
Really cool profile pic Natalie.
At 12:37am on June 4, 2011, theDIRTYmidget.© said…
Sorry I said ‘blog’, singular.  I was not up to speed.  I’ll further comment, feebly, as I absorb The Splendor That Is Youxo♥.
At 12:31am on June 4, 2011, theDIRTYmidget.© said…
Black people scare me.  Let’s fuck.  (Tee-hee!)  Your blog is hilarious.  You’re obviously both zany and spunky, but I vow to never capitalize either, nor shall they ever preface your name as I address you.  We’re better than that.  I’m old as hell and could probably challenge you on the SNL® shit, but, frankly, I’m too tired.  xo♥.  (Stop by and say ‘hi’ sometime.  I’m not nearly the pig I appear.) 
 
 
 

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