Yes, I'm paranoid. But am I paranoid enough?

So, I was driving home the other day after seeing Demetri Martin at a local bookstore.  He was there to promote his newest book, “Point Your Face at This.” What a cool guy, very funny (of course) but also very, very nice. As it became my turn in line to get my book signed, he made sure to address me by name, and when he asked me how I was doing, I got the impression that he really wanted to know.

So, I’m driving home with my signed copy next to me, in a really good mood. I also have…

This past Saturday, after tucking in my daughter and kissing her goodnight, I hurried downstairs with one thing on my mind. My wife had dropped a few hints earlier that it could very well be my lucky day, and I wasn't about to let this opportunity get away (it had been a while.)

She was lying on the couch, watching some college hoops on the tube. I sidled alongside her,  and told her those college punks didn't have nothing on this old man, and after some pretty slick moves (I got a…

Did you know that the universe continues to expand? It gets a little bit bigger every day. As this happens, galaxies move ever farther away from each other. There will come a time in the distant future when we (I say “we,” but of course we will be long dead by then (although I have been thinking about having my head frozen so my brain could be put into an android’s body when that technology becomes available—and it will happen, trust me))look up to the night sky, and won’t see anything,…

Nope, sorry, this is not a review of the Gogol story. This concerns my nose. I am 46 years old. Almost half a century. And all this time I was completely unaware of the nose on my face. Not that I had one; of course I knew that. But to the nature of it. You see, I had always thought I had a small, petite, rather unassuming nose. It was even something that bothered me slightly. Oh, it’s not like I laid awake at night,…