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If anyone needs me I'll be outside the church of scientology selling Tupac Is Alive And Gay In Space t-shirts.
If anyone needs me I'll be outside the white house selling My Jesus Loves Porn t-shirts.
If anyone needs me I'll be outside Bonaroo in a few weeks selling Woodstock's Over Hippie! t-shirts.
If anyone needs me I'll be outside the abortion clinic selling Yo Mama So Fat t-shirts.
If anyone needs me I'll be outside the UFC fight selling Can't We All Just Get A Bong t-shirts.
I've finally built up the confidence to fart in my psychiatrist's mouth.
I'm tired of all these girly hurricane names! Hurricane Katrina, Rita, Loyola-Chicago. What ever happened to good ol' man hurricanes like Hurricane Buck, Hurricane Stan, and Hurricane Sam Elliott!?! #MyHurricaneGotBalls #MeTooBooHoo
It takes diff'rent strokes to rule the world. What was Willis really talkin' bout? World domination that's what! #InfoWars #GetWoke #MisusingAndAppropriatingExistingTerms
The saddest thing I have ever seen was a Quadriplegic Hokey Pokey Dance Instructor...
♫♫ ..You Put Your Right Leg ....... never mind...
Here's an idea for republicans to further capitalize on Global Warming/Climate Change. Embrace and spread the idea of the existence of ghosts. Blame everything on ghost farts because protoplasm and such. Start world wide ghost busting business. Profit. (p.s. no all women crews) #BustinMakesMeFeelGood
What's my plan for stopping Godzilla you ask? Giant magnifying glass. You're welcome.
women are kinda like the x men, except, instead of lasers shooting out of their eyes, they can make babies.
"I wouldn't be caught dead in that!"
China's been raping our economy for years and they've done a great job of it, it's really admirable how they've raped us. Why won't those rapists help us with North Korea?
your heart is as tiny as a spider's butthole.
Didn't anybody ever tell Ryan Gosling not to run with blades?
You guys remember that fuckin' kneeler Tim Tebow?
In his first press conference after he takes office I want someone from the press to go, "Yes, President Pence, you're a whore. Response?"
In todays vernacular wouldn't Hitler just be called a leader who was "extra"? He definitely wasn't a "basic bitch". His squad was pretty extra too.
How the fuck is Big Brother still on? I'm looking your way George Orwell.
WE'RE ALL ON OUR WAY OUT.
ACT ACCORDIONLY.Comedy Whirled
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