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Comment by Gerhardguffaw on August 30, 2010 at 8:09am
I get no respect. The other day I used a drive thru and ordered a milk shake. When I reached the window the cashier shook her breasts at me.
Comment by Gerhardguffaw on August 30, 2010 at 8:00am
I get no respect. I called a pizza shop and asked if they deliver and they said "yes....but for you we'll make an exception."
Comment by Treeshadow on August 29, 2010 at 9:07pm
Any out-of-towners here tonite? You, sir, where're you from? Oh, (town name), a lot of smart people come from there.
Comment by PHUKUHP on August 29, 2010 at 9:01pm
Comment by grizz (Raymond J. Carrington) on August 29, 2010 at 8:14pm
This man walks in a bar with a stovepipe hat on. He sets at the bar and takes off the stove pipe had and sets it on the bar. The bartender noticed this green slimy alien growing out of the mans head. The bartender asked, "How did that get there?"
The Alien replied, " It started out as a bump on my ass."
Comment by Stephen Holthouser on August 29, 2010 at 1:33pm
I'm an art dealer, which seemed like a great idea until I realized I confused art with pcp. Lots of shady people have been coming to my house lately. but good news, if anyone wants to buy some art i'll meet you behind the dumpster after the show.
Comment by bcdarr on August 29, 2010 at 12:08pm
Maybe I'm an optimist, but I believe mankind will eventually destroy itself. I said, maybe I'm an 'optimist' not a f***ing dictionary!
Comment by bcdarr on August 29, 2010 at 12:03pm
You know it doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out that if your thrust capacity is less than .9 G's and your fuel quotient is... wait, maybe it does.
Comment by bcdarr on August 29, 2010 at 11:33am
A Priest, a Rabbi, and a Muslim Cleric fly into a building... what? Too soon?
Comment by bcdarr on August 29, 2010 at 11:06am
A bum came up to me the other day and said he hadn't eaten in 3 days. I couldn't believe he ruined such an easy lead in. F***ing bums!
Comment by Mofo Stro on August 29, 2010 at 10:26am
I met this girl and her name was Katrina, I felt bad that that she shared a name with a national tragedy. So I introduced myself as September 11th. We hit it off like a plane into a building. Turns out this was a family tradition, her grandpa, 1906 Earthquake, fell in love with her grandma Pearl, Harbor. But that's not all, she has a son, One Night Stand Back When I Was A Drunken-Whore.

Well this is called open mic so I commented something I came up with earlier today...
Comment by Codename: Spydergirl on August 29, 2010 at 7:32am
Mic testes . . . Mic testes . . . Mic's testes!!!! screeeeeeeeeeeeeeccccccchhhhhhh!
Comment by chuckkling on August 29, 2010 at 7:28am
Is this thing on?

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