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Comment by JJJ23 on April 20, 2017 at 7:11pm

Hey guys check out my nazi Matthew McConaughey impression, "alt right, alt right, alt right..." "that's what I love about high school girls, I get older, but they stay the same age and I continue to support genocide."

Comment by Iverneil on April 14, 2017 at 5:26pm

I don't ever want to think about....shit, I just did.

Comment by JJJ23 on April 7, 2017 at 6:50pm

I'm writing a sequel to that movie Gone Girl, it's called Crazy Bitch.

Comment by Rosedude on April 4, 2017 at 6:31am

A lot of people are saying it might have been on Friday.  I mean, I am hearing that a lot.

Comment by JJJ23 on April 3, 2017 at 7:28pm

I was talking to this Trump supporter the other day, I go, "Did you hear that thing they said Trump said last Saturday about the...", he goes, "How do you know it was Saturday? Is that what they told you?".

Comment by JJJ23 on March 20, 2017 at 10:47pm

You here a lot about how great Michael Jordan was and his legacy and all, and rightfully so, but I feel like no one ever really gives credit to the person who helped him win so many championships. You know, um, whoever it was that gave Magic Johnson AIDS.

Comment by Shag on March 18, 2017 at 10:51pm

What is transparent and smells like worms? .................. A bird fart!

Comment by JJJ23 on March 9, 2017 at 4:24pm

Planet Earth 3: It's getting hard to breathe

Comment by Rosedude on March 6, 2017 at 11:00am

I always though Lebanon was a support group for gay women who were trying to quit.

Comment by JJJ23 on February 23, 2017 at 11:56am

Did you guys see that Trump tweet where he said he was going to build a big boat and put two of every animal on it? Who'd believe that shit?

Comment by RoadKillHairPiece on February 17, 2017 at 12:26pm
I will not let toenail fungus ruin my self esteem - although it's taken a beating.
Comment by RoadKillHairPiece on February 12, 2017 at 5:12pm
When I was a kid, a public service announcement frequently aired on TV: Good old Smokey the Bear telling us that only we could stop forest fires. When I was six, I sent him a letter: How about lightning and drought, you ursine boob. Never got a response.
Comment by JJJ23 on February 11, 2017 at 10:25am

Spoiler alert for Trump's presidency: Rosebud was the name of his sled from when he was a kid.

Comment by RoadKillHairPiece on February 9, 2017 at 9:04am
I just bought $12,000 worth of suits I can't afford at Nordstrom.
Comment by JJJ23 on February 8, 2017 at 5:46pm

The Bowling Green Massacre 14/37/2000andLate, Never Remember!

(and 2 and 2 always makes a 5)

Comment by Iverneil on January 24, 2017 at 4:31pm

Boner donor: Gigolo that works pro bono.

Comment by MacSpruce on January 13, 2017 at 8:04am

Most of us have a shower curtain made of some kind of plastic. But Donald Trump has golden shower curtains..

Comment by Shag on December 25, 2016 at 12:33am

A blind man walks into a bar ..... Now he has a headache.

Comment by JJJ23 on November 11, 2016 at 8:12pm

In these weird and uncertain times I suggest we look to the recent past and use the schwartz. Let's remember that in the first decade of the 21st century the state of California, which has the highest population and largest economy in the country, elected as it's governor a man named Arnold Schwartzenegger. Now as we all know that man is an Austrian body builder/action movie star who has a tenuous grasp of the English language and is famous for portraying a cop who goes undercover as a kindergarten teacher and a murder robot. And that guy as far as I remember, and I don't remember that well, didn't do that bad of a job. What I do remember is that we called him The Governator and laughed about it because we wanted to ignore how much power we'd given him because it was horrifying to think about. California, or as Arnold called it Cauliflower, did make it through those years though, and today that state is only sometimes mostly on fire. Yes and he's now gone back to making terrible movies and selling games for your cell phone that you play when you're shitting or you don't want to talk to your family. Now I know that what we're all going to go through over the next several years is a much worse situation to face, but hey, did you see that one Schwartzenegger was in with Johnny Knoxville? Yeah neither did I, and I never will. And I kinda like Johnny Knoxville. Thank you for your time.

Comment by JJJ23 on October 20, 2016 at 8:58am

What's the current betting line on Melania leaving Donald by the end of the calendar year?

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