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Comment by RoadKillHairPiece on June 15, 2017 at 7:55pm

I miss Comedy Whirled almost as much as I miss my erection.

Comment by JJJ23 on June 8, 2017 at 11:19pm

The success of the new Wonder Woman movie got me thinking, there needs to be more films with strong leading roles for women. Also, and perhaps most importantly, there's a lot money to be made! So my idea is for a movie called Wander Woman. It's set in modern day Las Vegas, a recently lobotomized woman is wandering around in urban areas, she's often wet, and sometimes being led around by people who don't seem to notice her mental state, sometimes alone just gravitating toward random objects. She in addition to being wet for the majority of the film, also speaks in chops and for long stretches not at all. She'll sometimes drool on herself, wetter, and no longer remembers how to use her bowels or bladder. She's unable to feed herself and well, it's basically the last few episodes of the Twin Peaks return but it's a young woman instead of Kyle MacLachlan. And when I say young woman I really mean a girl, ya know? In fact, just to give you a better picture, it's Alexandra Daddario from that dumb new Baywatch movie, and she's in her underwear almost the entire movie and her tits are like WaBlam! And Nearly Always Wet! Or no, maybe she's just totally naked but with like body paint bro, and then her tits are all WaPLow!!! Yeah Feminism!!! Be There!

Comment by JJJ23 on May 23, 2017 at 8:54pm

I was gonna get me one of those fidget spinners to give me something to do to help me quit smoking, but then I remembered cellphones exist, and alcoholism and drug addiction and masturbation and twiddling my thumbs and talking to people and television and automobiles and parks and every imaginable interest, but most of all smoking.

Comment by RoadKillHairPiece on May 20, 2017 at 11:41pm

Considering the way women are treated in Saudi Arabia, it must be illegal to have a pussy. It's undoubtedly illegal to grab one. Trump may come back from his trip with one hand.

Comment by JJJ23 on May 19, 2017 at 10:32pm

If you enjoy eating worms, berries and beetles and your nest consists of grass, paper, and feathers smeared with mud then... you might just be a red breasted robin.

Comment by RoadKillHairPiece on May 16, 2017 at 6:57am

According to well-informed intelligence sources who will never speak to Trump, Kim Jong-un's mood flies from rage to depression and back. He was sure he'd always be the craziest motherfucker with bizarre hair running a nation. Let's see: Trump and Kim and nuclear weapons. Everyone should take their vacation early this year and commit one crime they've fantasized about.

Comment by RoadKillHairPiece on May 15, 2017 at 11:56pm

After he was elected President, Trump was advised that a military aide would always keep the "nuclear football" close by. Trump became very petulant and declared that he preferred a caddy and nuclear golf clubs. His demand was met and now he must squeeze the shaft of his putter if he decides to first strike North Korea.

Comment by JJJ23 on May 15, 2017 at 1:01pm

CBS just cancelled The Odd Couple with Matthew Perry and Thomas Lennon. I want to strike while the iron is hot  and get a new reboot going starring Trump and Edward Snowden.

Comment by RoadKillHairPiece on May 7, 2017 at 7:11pm

A friend of mine (actually me) learned recently that Viagra isn't covered by my insurance carrier. The 100 mg pill costs around $58. It's possible I only need 25 mg, so that's only $14.50 a fuck if I'm very lucky. I think it's clear that no one cares if aging men can get laid without getting a reverse mortgage. As usual, Republican politicians will be of little help. They either don't believe in sex or make weekly trips to genius call girls who can make the old limp Phoenix rise from the ashes. Damn, I'm screwed one way and not screwed the other. And what's the use of calling my congressman??

Comment by RoadKillHairPiece on May 7, 2017 at 6:58pm

I hate sleeping. First off, I'm afraid of the dark, so I hate closing my eyes. And I find dreams creepy. You would too if you had my dreams. So I'm up most of the night like other lunatics but I avoid tweeting.

Comment by JJJ23 on May 4, 2017 at 9:56pm

I was thinking, China has over 1.3 billion people and India has around 1.2 billion. Has anyone checked to make sure most of those people aren't disposable clone soldiers? Sleep tight.

Comment by RoadKillHairPiece on May 4, 2017 at 6:35pm

Trump quote: Those who don't know history are destined to make it up.

Comment by RoadKillHairPiece on May 4, 2017 at 6:27pm

It's kind of creepy having a President who speaks as if he's flunked an ESL course four times.

Comment by RoadKillHairPiece on May 2, 2017 at 2:45pm

According to FBI Director James Comey, the White House has asked him to undertake an investigation of Frederick Douglas and Harriet Tubman. Apparently, President Trump has invited them to the White House on numerous occasions and finds it very suspicious that they never show up. He's thinking they're worried they'll be arrested for voting fraud and underreporting the size of the Inauguration Day crowd. President Trump has also suggested that J. Edgar Hoover be called out of retirement to assist with the inquiry.

Comment by RoadKillHairPiece on May 2, 2017 at 2:30pm

Sean Spicer just announced he's leaving the Trump Administration and taking a job with the Wizard of Oz. Said Mr. Spicer, "I can no longer tell reality from dreams, and fact from fiction. It should be much easier lying to a young girl with a few odd traveling companions. Now if I can just get to the Emerald City without being tossed of my United flight. Andrew Jackson will be accompanying me."

Comment by RoadKillHairPiece on May 2, 2017 at 2:19pm

According to an article I'm reading, Trump's IQ is over 180 - genius level. Sarah Palin's is 178!! Sean Spicer, 154. What the hell. Oh, wait, these are scores for Ignorance Quotient. My bad ... never mind.

Comment by JJJ23 on April 20, 2017 at 7:11pm

Hey guys check out my nazi Matthew McConaughey impression, "alt right, alt right, alt right..." "that's what I love about high school girls, I get older, but they stay the same age and I continue to support genocide."

Comment by Iverneil on April 14, 2017 at 5:26pm

I don't ever want to think about....shit, I just did.

Comment by JJJ23 on April 7, 2017 at 6:50pm

I'm writing a sequel to that movie Gone Girl, it's called Crazy Bitch.

Comment by Rosedude on April 4, 2017 at 6:31am

A lot of people are saying it might have been on Friday.  I mean, I am hearing that a lot.

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