OPEN MIC

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Comment by MacSpruce on Monday

So tell us, Vladimir; does Donald Trump spit or swallow?

Comment by JJJ23 on July 7, 2018 at 10:07pm

Nazis who deny the Holocaust's existence are really throwing away a big win.

Comment by JJJ23 on May 19, 2018 at 1:50am

If anyone needs me I'll be outside the church of scientology selling Tupac Is Alive And Gay In Space t-shirts.

Comment by JJJ23 on May 19, 2018 at 1:44am

If anyone needs me I'll be outside the white house selling My Jesus Loves Porn t-shirts.

Comment by JJJ23 on May 19, 2018 at 1:43am

If anyone needs me I'll be outside Bonaroo in a few weeks selling Woodstock's Over Hippie! t-shirts.

Comment by JJJ23 on May 19, 2018 at 1:38am

If anyone needs me I'll be outside the abortion clinic selling Yo Mama So Fat t-shirts.

Comment by JJJ23 on May 19, 2018 at 1:27am

If anyone needs me I'll be outside the UFC fight selling Can't We All Just Get A Bong t-shirts.

Comment by JJJ23 on May 17, 2018 at 2:13pm

I've finally built up the confidence to fart in my psychiatrist's mouth.

Comment by JJJ23 on March 26, 2018 at 8:09pm

I'm tired of all these girly hurricane names! Hurricane Katrina, Rita, Loyola-Chicago. What ever happened to good ol' man hurricanes like Hurricane Buck, Hurricane Stan, and Hurricane Sam Elliott!?! #MyHurricaneGotBalls #MeTooBooHoo

Comment by JJJ23 on March 18, 2018 at 8:40pm

It takes diff'rent strokes to rule the world. What was Willis really talkin' bout? World domination that's what! #InfoWars #GetWoke #MisusingAndAppropriatingExistingTerms

Comment by 38chrysler on February 22, 2018 at 11:07am

The saddest thing I have ever seen was a Quadriplegic Hokey Pokey Dance Instructor...

♫♫  ..You Put Your Right Leg ....... never mind...

Comment by JJJ23 on February 19, 2018 at 10:07pm

Here's an idea for republicans to further capitalize on Global Warming/Climate Change. Embrace and spread the idea of the existence of ghosts. Blame everything on ghost farts because protoplasm and such. Start world wide ghost busting business. Profit. (p.s. no all women crews) #BustinMakesMeFeelGood

Comment by JJJ23 on January 7, 2018 at 7:34pm

What's my plan for stopping Godzilla you ask? Giant magnifying glass. You're welcome.

Comment by mellowpuma on January 1, 2018 at 10:01pm

women are kinda like the x men, except, instead of lasers shooting out of their eyes, they can make babies.

Comment by JJJ23 on December 1, 2017 at 2:54pm

"I wouldn't be caught dead in that!" 

#CorpseGottaBeOnPoint

Comment by JJJ23 on November 10, 2017 at 7:58pm

China's been raping our economy for years and they've done a great job of it, it's really admirable how they've raped us. Why won't those rapists help us with North Korea?

Comment by mellowpuma on October 25, 2017 at 2:15am

your heart is as tiny as a spider's butthole.

Comment by JJJ23 on September 27, 2017 at 7:42pm

Didn't anybody ever tell Ryan Gosling not to run with blades?

Comment by JJJ23 on September 27, 2017 at 7:41pm

You guys remember that fuckin' kneeler Tim Tebow?

Comment by JJJ23 on August 17, 2017 at 1:55pm

In his first press conference after he takes office I want someone from the press to go, "Yes, President Pence, you're a whore. Response?"

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