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“We now take you to a new breaking story where a nefarious hubcap is menacing downtown…”
“What, I thought you said we needed more street lights in this part of town.”
On second thought, let’s not go to Phoenix. Tis a silly place.
At 4th Ave. & Jefferson was a suspicious flash mob!
Batteries sold separately.
It's obviously a slow news day! But later that night a half eaten donut brought out the SWAT Team and the suspicious flashlight was just a memory.
Despite the fact that it was covered in blood, the flashlight was released without any charges upon learning it was a police issued Maglite.
You realize that no one would think it was suspicious at all if it was a white flashlight.
What would a flashlight be suspicious of?
It was a clear case of asphalt and batteries.
"You would think that a flashlight would be a lot brighter than this, but as the footage shows, that is clearly not the case."
"There's no place like Home Depot."
"Well, it's suspicious because it's actually a fleshlight. Don't ask me how I know about that. Over to Willie Wanker with Sports!"
Before it had been charged with assault. Now, it'll be charged with battery.
"It was I who gave the Phoenix Suns their energy!"
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