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On the next, "Another Osmond Christmas Special..."
"And for two bucks you can get some puppy love!"
The irony is that the MacHines, a clan of craggy Scottish Highlanders, are actually notorious cheapskates.
I like giving Fruit Cakes...it symbolizes our family
"WTF?!? It's all Nutri-System shit...MARIE!!!"
“Did you just see that? It took my money and gave me nothing in return. Talk about irony!”
Shit, machines are even replacing the Salvation Army Santa’s this year. Pretty soon we’ll all be out of a job!
“That’s funny. My wife calls me the Giving Machine too, ‘cause I give it to her good and all night long!”
“I gave at the office.”
Some people just don't know when to give... UP!
"They're books of scented matches, to break up the monotony while lighting your Molotov cocktails."
"They're casino-legal decks of cards. The Jokers are pictures of Marie in the shower."
"You're all out of raccoons?"
His face grew, but unfortunately his nose didn’t.
Voice from the crowd “Donny, I bought all of your albums”
Donny “So you’re the one!!”
Not one shit in there for Donny.
"Sometimes I'd like to stuff Marie in there."
"I'd rather have Doritos, but I'll take whatever that is."
"Hey buddy, get that camera out of my ass."
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