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"Watch your tongue or I'll sic my wife on you!"
"You look ridiculous in that thing! You look like a pathetic middle-aged shiny headed bald douche who-- Don't tell me, there's one standing right behind me, isn't there?"
"Vice President IS a real job! Just ask Dan Qual-- I'm mean, Dick Chen-- Um... Mike Pen-- Fuck you! Trust me, it's a real job!"
"You may be a hard hat, but now you're dealing with a real hard ass, let me tell you!"
"You can't fool me! Obama and I got to see the aliens in Area 51 and I can tell you're one of them, in disguise!"
"You might be blue collar, but I'm blue collar hollar!"
"We didn't land on Plymouth Rock! Plymouth Rock was built by me and my father!"
"If I went to work with a beard like that back in my day I would've ended up in the Nervous Hospital!"
"I demand you take me to see the Police Man or the Indian Chief this instant!'
At least they were only shooting their mouths off.
"Please, sir, calm down, before your Fixodent needs reapplying."
"Go ahead, pull it if you got a pair."
"I was a meme before it was cool, sonny."
"I demand you give me one of those hats right this very instant!"
"The only thing full of shit here is your diaper, Mr. Biden."
Build me a rocket ship off this thing!
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