LETTERMAN AWARD FOR OVERALL EXCELLENCE:
CHUCKLING & DONAIRS
CHUCKLING'S FUNNIEST LINES:
"I was in a Chilean mine. That's why I missed your call."
"Sorry...I'm in the Jehovah Witness program."
DONAIRS' FUNNIEST LINES:
"Sorry I'm late, had trouble finding a reason to live this morning."
"Yes I can explain the numbers. That's a receipt for my dignity & I wrote it off as a business expense."
BEST BAWDY MAKEUP:
"No, I have no idea what happened to my underwear. I was probably abducted by aliens which would explain why my anus is so swollen in case you were wondering about that too." ( BUBBLICIOUS)
GOLDEN HANDSHAKE AWARDS:
"Let me check the list. Nope, still got seniority over you." (LL BEIN)
"I didn't think my efforts were critical for the boss getting a raise."
TOP PERFORMANCE BY AN INGENUE (NEW MEMBER) IN A DOCUMENTARY:
"My cat was in labour, so I had to drown her before there were too many."
(WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE)
"I ran over a whore on the road." (JOHN SLANEY)
HONORARY DIRTY MIDGET™ AWARD:
"That's not "spunk" on my keyboard, it's hand cream." (RODNEY DEAN)
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10. I paper-cut my nipple.
09. It’s glandular.
08. Bono said so.
07. I can’t read.
06. It’s what I’ve heard.
05. He smells my dog.
04. My jaw is tired.
03. Too much garlic.
02. This has never happened before. It might be the antibiotics I’m on.
01. I’m allergic.