Comedy Whirled

If you know a thing or some things about something that other people don't know, this is the place to tell them the thing or some things about those things.

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The sky is blue because it reflects off the green grass which is green because it reflects off the blue sky. Heady stuff, people, heady stuff.

If you smash a fingertip to a pulp using a meat tenderizing mallet and submerge it into a bowl of 50% rubbing alcohol and 50% hot sauce, on a pain scale of 1-10, it will register as an 11. 

"Flying Fish" don't actually fly, they glide.

Few people know of a class of British sailing ship of old known as the 'Dreadthroe". Meaning "Fear of the Agony of Death" they were created for the conscientious objectors of the era. Unlike the more famous "Dreadnoughts" which, as the name suggests, feared nothing and sought out battle with great fervor, the Dreadthroe's put to sea and wandered aimlessly about, avoiding any contact with the enemy at all costs. They were eventually put to use by the Merchant Marine delivering potted Chrysanthemums and meat pies to Mums and Grandmums up and down the coasts on holidays.

In a stunning upset, the 1984 "Popular Mechanics" contest, "In 5000 words or less, create an Unsolvable Time Paradox" was won by the collaborative writing team of Morton Fishbaum and Rusty "Red" Bowie with their mind bending entry "I ain't afraid of no drove", which creates a situation where one is "not afraid of something not happening that has already happened". In a cruel twist of fate, the pair was disqualified when , in 2016, the test results came in from a random "anti-doping" drug test, administered at the time of the competition, found, ironically, that Mr. Fishbaum had extremely high levels of Ketamine in his system. Mr. Bowie, however was found only to have low levels of Echinacea and Horny Goat Weed present in his blood.

i aint 'fraid of no drove

-----------------------------------

not frightened of the absence of a cattle drive which is happening and has already happened

---[or, taking it deeper ...]

no fetish for cattle drives which exist in a quantum state as to the date of their occurrence.

---[translated into cowboy ...]

no hankerin' for a quantum cattle drive, pardner.

---[or, taking it to the "no drove meaning not one drove" level ...]

I'm fraid of jes one drove. but shoot, a whole a whole mess o droves? count me in pardner!  Yeeeh ha!

---[taking it into the country music dimension ...]

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frightn'd o dying, so i'mma keep drovin'  

oooh maria, i miss your loavin'

what will ye say at the pearly gates?

when these doggies 'come heaven's steaks?

ohh, i got a hole in my heart.

that can only be filled by fireworks.

rollin' like an 18 wheeler rollin' into the night.

fulla busted up dreams an topical fungicite.

Every raccoon you've ever come across knew your grandfather very well, they know where he buried the money and are desperate to tell you if you'd only get close enough to listen.

9/11 was an inside job, in that the planes went inside the buildings in a way that made them collapse. And Beyonce knew in advance.

If you go fly a kite just right you will orgasm so awesome and without shame, and no matter how many kids are in the park that day you can't legally be made to register as a sex offender for it.

Once you find out where the beef is you may or may not consume beef depending on your interest in beef and hunger at the time.

Forcing women you work with to watch you jerk off will blow over for a decade or so if you're funny enough. (see drugging and raping)

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