Comedy Whirled

If you know a thing or some things about something that other people don't know, this is the place to tell them the thing or some things about those things.

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the beef is here

In lieu of a bomb shelter...

Forcing women you work with to watch you jerk off will blow over for a decade or so if you're funny enough. (see drugging and raping)

You have more bacteria in your mouth than all the atoms that make up all the bacteria in all the mouths of all the people on Earth.

Nikola Tesla was in love with his pet bird and had a minister perform a wedding ceremony for him and the bird. (This isn't a fact, but it is something I've heard and I like to think that it's true.)

The next time you buy blueberries think about the fact that no two blueberries shall be exactly alike, nor will any two blueberries ever taste exactly the same.  Try eating 75 blueberries in a row, one by one.  Take note at the different flavors each one issues.  There are as many potential life-filled planets in the universe as there are blueberries on Earth at any given moment.  

And on every one of those planets there's a traffic delay of up to thirty minutes due to a minor tie-up on the 405.

It's debated often, but Macaws can live as long as 100 years in captivity if being taken care of (in the wild they live about 50 years, but hey, the wild is a rough life, no free lunches, no proper shelter.)  So if you buy a young macaw you have to plan for someone to potentially inherit it.  

Again, their lifespan it's debatable.  

You're a half inch taller when you wake up than at the end of the day (assuming you're not in bed all day with the flu or something (or in my case schizoaffective disorder which is like depression on steroids.)) It's because of spinal compression.  When standing up, gravity shrinks your spine a little bit.  I'm 5' 11" and during the day I'm 5' 10 and a half.  People don't know that about the human body.

Mainly because most mammals  walk on all four's right, so then that doesn't happen.  Maybe like kangaroos I guess... whatever.

Alcoholics have fantastic long-term memory.   It's a counter-intuitive  fact because they have blackouts in short-term memory.  But it makes sense when you think about it.  The "room" in the brain for short term memory isn't being used; it gets erased, making room for long term memories. 

Um, don't ask me why I know this.

There is a mouse in your house.

If you wear your socks inside-out it increases circulation and avoids the dreaded toes caught in loose strings.  If you wear your skin inside-out you will die in seconds.

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