Comedy Whirled

Burned with a giant magnifying glass.

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The day before they have a cure for death.

First, turn on your least favorite music at high volume before dropping into a 1000 gallon tank full of starving Piranha Fish for five minutes. Next, pull yourself from the tank and coat body with fresh lemon juice.  Wait five minutes before returning to the tank.

Repeat as necessary.

Getting your chest stuck in a narrow part of a bat cave in the mountains as a not-so-mellow cougar tears at your lower body.  The only way to escape is to exhale completely and then break your own ribs but the big cat is relentless, draining 9 pints of blood from your femoral artery already...

Early.

Waking vivisection with forced self cannibalism, and The View is on.

Just as you're kicking the chair away,  you hear the TV announce the lottery numbers you've been playing for 20 years. 

Without the satisfaction of seeing Donald Trump die first and pissing on his grave. 

Think of the line to piss on Trump's grave. Like, there's monster's, like John Wayne Gacy has a grave somewhere that's probably not getting pissed on at all or at least not enough, but there will be people frequently pissing and shitting on trump's grave, no question. People would pay, and I mean, I may be wrong but it could well pay for The Wall.

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