I've been doing this on Open Mic and I thought I'd make a thing for it here and if anyone else wants to do some. So here's this.
If anybody needs me I'll be on facebook arguing about politics with someone random stranger who's probably a 15 year old millenial and totally wasting my time.
If anybody needs me, um you're kind of clingy and needy for needing me.
If anybody needs me I'll be at the beach selling black and white striped t-shirts so bathers can swim safely today on an all new Shark Week.
If anyone needs me I'll be surprised.
If anyone kneads me, I'll be in front of the bakery selling "I'm rolling in dough" T-shirts.
if anybody need me i'll be wherever vaginas need penises.
if anybody need me, look for unexplained gaps in your mom's daily schedule. that's most likely where i'll be.
if anybody needs me, i'll be making children who play online games cry.
if anybody needs me, there's something wrong with them.
if anybody needs me, make sure they aren't a bill collector or a process server.
If anybody needs me, I'll be outside the Institute for the Blind selling T-shirts that say in braille, "Get your hands off my tits!"