I've been doing this on Open Mic and I thought I'd make a thing for it here and if anyone else wants to do some. So here's this.
If anybody needs me I'll be at the White Supremacist meeting selling Where All the White Women At? t-shirts.
If anybody needs me I'll be up Shit Creek selling I Got Your Paddle Right Here! t-shirts.
If anybody needs me I'll be outside the zoo selling Fuck Harambe t-shirts. (that one's dated, but whatever, fine)
If anyone needs me I'll be outside the John Mellencamp concert selling Bruce Springsteen t-shirts.
If anyone needs me I'll be outside the Jimmy Buffett concert selling Your Parrot Told Me He Wants You To Fucking Kill Yourself! t-shirts.
If anybody needs me I'll be in Nigeria selling Ask me about my bank account! t-shirts.
You should make this a contest like the cap contest!
Shut Up! I'm fuckin' with you. I will do that, I'll award 1st, 2nd, and 3rd not counting mine.
If anybody needs me I'll be taking credit for this even being a contest, and therefore forfeiting my chance of gold because that'd look lame. And sighing.
That's cool, I'll still count you to where you could win gold. There's not much participation so you've got a good chance.
If anybody needs me I'll be barely squeaking out a bronze once a month on the cap contest.
If anybody needs me I'll be colluding with russia to make fake news.